this post was submitted on 10 Jul 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

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If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] rtxn@lemmy.world 208 points 2 days ago (1 children)

"When a gift horse is munching on one's carrot, one must be very careful not to look it in the mouth." - Albert Confucius, 1969-04-20

[–] Jackhammer_Joe@lemmy.world 27 points 2 days ago

You got my like for the date. But now: get out!

[–] tanisnikana@lemmy.world 116 points 2 days ago (6 children)

Speaking from a purely analytical ace/sex-repulsed position:

Removing the blindfold can only at best ruin the prize you’ve already got. You remove the blindfold and find out the best beej in the world comes from Supreme Fellator Donald J. Trump? No ma’am, there is no coming back from that. Leave it on.

[–] cheers_queers@lemmy.zip 47 points 2 days ago (1 children)

One has to be a Giver to give great head. I think youre safe.

[–] Kowowow@lemmy.ca 9 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I think you underestimate the power of spite

[–] xkbx@startrek.website 19 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Oh really? And how many dicks have you sucked out of spite? What sort of scenario would that even occur in? Where would one even find such a place!? Like what address!?

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[–] Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net 22 points 1 day ago (7 children)

I don't give a shit if it's mother Theresa slobbing my job, as long as I get their number and they're game to do it again.

Call me bb.

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[–] WeirdGoesPro@lemmy.dbzer0.com 80 points 2 days ago (2 children)

This is just a glory hole with extra steps.

[–] match@pawb.social 7 points 1 day ago

which is just a cum jar with fewer steps!

[–] Pazuzu@midwest.social 6 points 1 day ago

A glory hole with the guarantee that it's the best head you'll ever get

[–] RedSnt@feddit.dk 43 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Like Cypher said in The Matrix: "Ignorance is bliss".

[–] kautau@lemmy.world 18 points 1 day ago

Right before putting that delicious meat in his mouth

[–] SaharaMaleikuhm@feddit.org 42 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I'd bet money on the best bj imaginable is given by a femboy. Thus the blindfold comes off. I must see the love of my life.

[–] cadekat@pawb.social 27 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] WeirdGoesPro@lemmy.dbzer0.com 17 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Or one of those fish that clean the side of the tank in Chinese restaurants.

[–] cadekat@pawb.social 10 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I, uh, hope we're imagining the same kind of bear.

[–] WeirdGoesPro@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 1 day ago

And I hope we’re imagining the same kind of suckerfish.

[–] IhaveCrabs111@lemmy.world 40 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (2 children)

Always has been 🌎👨‍🚀🔫👨‍🚀

Yeah but this is old fashioned internet fucked and i approve.

[–] Damage@feddit.it 37 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Of course I'm taking it off.
Knowledge has value. Are you so willing to give up any future chances just to not ruin this one? You may learn more on this art and its scholars!

[–] InternetCitizen2@lemmy.world 6 points 23 hours ago (7 children)
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[–] TheGiantKorean@lemmy.world 33 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I rip the blindfold off right as I ejaculate.

[–] Stalinwolf@lemmy.ca 62 points 1 day ago (3 children)
[–] Lemminary@lemmy.world 16 points 1 day ago

Hah! Joke's on you, I low key would...

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[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 30 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

I will answer this question with another question. "If I don't take the blindfold off and find out who is doing the Lord's work, how do I get this person to do it again?"

[–] RaivoKulli@sopuli.xyz 28 points 1 day ago (4 children)

Too little to gain and too much to lose in removing it. Just enjoy the experience and leave it at that

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[–] Fleur_@aussie.zone 27 points 1 day ago (2 children)

You know... I think I risk it all and take the blindfold off. Perhaps I am Icarus flying too close to the sun but whilst on the brink of perfection, why not take the plunge?

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 10 points 20 hours ago* (last edited 20 hours ago) (1 children)
[–] MotoAsh@lemmy.world 8 points 17 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago) (3 children)

This is not only AI slop but assumes I am Putin. Totally ruins it. If I woke up one day and realized I was Putin, the first fucking thing I'd do is put a bullet through my brain.

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[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 25 points 1 day ago (1 children)

It would be me sucking your dick if you decide to take the blindfold off.

[–] orenj@lemmy.sdf.org 6 points 1 day ago

Hey hi how're you doing?

[–] funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works 24 points 1 day ago (1 children)

as an everyone hot bisexual I wanna see whose genitals I'm tounging next

[–] rayquetzalcoatl@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Even if it's a dog, though? 😂

[–] funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

my brother in Christmas, that's on you

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[–] Soulcreator@programming.dev 23 points 1 day ago (7 children)

I'm pretty sure I'm completely missing the point, but how on earth did you find yourself in the situation? Like your dick out and blindfolded in a location that virtually anyone can walk into. All of a sudden with little warning you feel something happening down there but you don't peek or ask what's up, you just sit there silently and long enough for you to realize you're getting the best blowjob of your life.

Honestly the more I describe the scenario the more I realize unless it's a trusted partner, this is not the type of scenario that most women would immediately just start going to town without reason. So if you are strictly looking for a woman, at very least one of sound mind you are probably SOL.

[–] outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 26 points 1 day ago (13 children)

It's a thought experiment. How the fuck do you find yourself in the trolley problem?

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[–] MyNamesTotallyRobert@lemmynsfw.com 9 points 20 hours ago* (last edited 20 hours ago)

This is kind of what I was thinking. In order for a situation like this to ACTUALLY happen, there is a complete, flat 0% chance that an attractive woman will be involved in any part of this unless you're doing some kind of roleplay thing with your partner in the bedroom. So by default its going to be Bill Cosby's dog or some shit.

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 8 points 20 hours ago

I thought Marco Pole-blow was one of those universal games everyone grew up playing.

[–] janus2@lemmy.zip 6 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

what, you guys have never gone to a sex dungeon and slapped on a blindfold and sat in the Free Use chair??

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[–] ratel@mander.xyz 23 points 2 days ago

The Schrodonger.

[–] yucandu@lemmy.world 15 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I could smell whether they were a man or a woman or a dog or a William Dafoe.

[–] Ganbat@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Huh... So, out of curiosity, how does Willem Dafoe smell?

[–] Scott_of_the_Arctic@lemmy.world 15 points 1 day ago (2 children)

I'm taking it off. I need to at least make sure it's a sane human and not a rabid pig that's going to spontaneously bite it off.

[–] lb_o@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Premise that it won't bite it off, otherwise it is not the best bj. Would you do it then?

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[–] Pacattack57@lemmy.world 9 points 1 day ago

Truly the greatest philosophical question ever conceived by man.

[–] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 8 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

What on Earth would have to possess me to get in that situation in the first place?!

[–] Darkenfolk@sh.itjust.works 6 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

Kidnapping by your local terrorist sex workers(they are trying unionize).

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