memes

Meetings are the viable alternative to work. Meetings that you don't need to contribute to are even better. Take a break. Catch some zees.

I used to work at this company where like 3 guys took care of basically everything. All but one of them, let's call him Rob, eventually left to better companies. About a month after that, my team had to deal with a pretty big issue and we were having trouble coming up with a solution so this idiot had the brilliant idea to page Rob. As if the poor guy hadn't spent the last month doing the job of 3 people who were already doing the job of a 5 people each. Rob got online, said "Why did you page me?" and immediately left before getting a response. I liked Rob.

Email recap never comes. Miss out on key decision points. Attend next meeting. Nothing is agreed just talk for the sake of talking. Objections disregarded. Side meeting happens without you. Key points agreed with management in your absence. You're just a cog in a giant hamster wheel. Not even the hamster. Cry at night.

The original way the first person asked was polite, if intoned gently.

The recommended response is corpospeak.

Corpospeak is never polite.

It just pretends to be.

Like a sociopath.

Nah, fuck this lickspittle corpo speak!

"What is the purpose of this meeting and why do I need to be included?" is a perfectly polite sentence appropriate in any work environment consisting of mature and distinguished adults.

Do not enslave yourself to the machine, because the people running it will treat you like a slave.

"What is the purpose of this meeting and why do I need to be included" is a perfectly polite series of words to use. The wording matters far less than the tone of voice.

I vastly prefer clear and direct questions over the reply that sounds passive aggressive from the very beginning.

When I started my career I quickly became convinced that meetings are the opposite of work. Now a large part of my career is hosting meetings. 😬

My biggest piece of advice to junior staff is: if you're not provided an agenda prior to a meeting, your attendance is not required. RSVP with Yes if it sounds interesting/beneficial and you have the time, otherwise Nope (or Tentative) your way out of it.

The obvious caveat is if that meeting is called by someone with role power over you. In which case: as they clearly don't respect your time, it's on you to (politely) ask them to provide an agenda. It may also indirectly train them to be less shit.

I work on the floor in a pretty specialized role, so I can always just use the excuse of having to attend to any given machine coincidentally whenever they want to have a meeting I don't feel like attending.

None of the managers really understand what we do, so they don't challenge the excuses ever.

Sounds like they are talking in buzzwords.

'Do you really need me? I still have a lot on my desk and would like to get to work on it, if you don't mind.'

Never did anyone have an issue with that, including my boss.

Such corpo bullshit, do it the Scandinavian way, I don't think this meeting is for me, have a good meeting though. Done and done

Fluent in corporate speech 101.

Fluent companyspeech

There's one weekly meeting that I'm in where my only contribution is to notice when we're out of stuff to discuss but no one is wrapping up. I unmute and ask, "Ok, so can we wrap?"

I don't understand why six other people just sit there saying nothing without ending it. I've got other shit to do. Don't they?

You don't really want to tell your boss "I don't add value!".

I told my team to decline meetings they don't think they should be in. If they're really needed, they can be added - everyone is supposed to be available/reachable during the day anyway. I told them that this includes meetings that I invite them to.

Eh, useless meetings are great for timesheet filler while playing Pokemon Go.

Depends also if they include you so they don’t make dumb decisions. If they are capable of doing stuff on their own great. If they are habitually doing shit without asking you even just a question (and make every little thing into a meeting which is about just managing their decision making) it’s kind of always mandatory just to be there to save them from themselves and from taking decisions away from you.

I don’t know why it’s so hard to say ‘hey can we just grab you for a moment’ instead of and either or hour long meeting making you sit through it just to get to you about something either mildly so unimportant you didnt need you or they destroy the project

Talk to your manager.

Shortly after I was hired, my manager told me I should feel free to decline any meeting that didn't seem useful, or that if it was preventing me from getting "real" work done.