exploiting slave labor so you can prove how patriotic you are, just like jesus would do. we'll take coffee from the 3rd world, but not the people who live there
-GOP
this post was submitted on 12 Jun 2025
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I mean, Bolivia has a socialist President, so chances are the workers aren't actually as exploited as they could be elsewhere.
Not sure how that limits exploitation.
Just a few examples: Bolivia has universal healthcare for all citizens. The US does not. Bolivia has a minimum 10-30 days of annual leave mandated by law (depending on how long you've worked), the US has 0. Bolivia has 13 weeks of maternity leave at 95% pay, the US has... well it's complicated.
the US has… well it’s complicated.
Jack shit. If it's not federal, it's not something the US has
Yeah, I know. I wanted to err on the side of caution. I could have said "The US has 0" but didn't want someone to show up with "well actually in my state..."
Do they know that brown people touch their coffee? I don't know but that diversity bullshit sounds pretty woke to me
Standing for something sounds woke. I don't buy this coffee.
anti-woke woke mind virus.
Wouldn't "woke-free" coffee just be decaf?
Snooze blend.
If it’s republican blend then it should be mixed with cocaine, Ozempic, and red40.
Sleepy cofveve
"This isn't your latte-sipping liberal twig boy coffee. This is an anti WOKE blend grown and harvested in non-free trade prison plantations using pesticides banned by the Geneva convention and common human decency for that delicious taste of freedom. These beans are carefully grown by kidnapped indigenous children under gunpoint of the watchful eye of the revolutionary guerilla army deep in the jungles of Bolivia. Artisanal roasters working for just 20 cents a day create a flavor profile that's more bitter than the pain of their existence. Try 1775 today and show those libs that you're not just a piece of shit with poor taste, you're a Trump-loving conservative. For a limited time for every bag you purchase, we'll donate 25 cents to the Israeli Defense fund Bombs for Kids. Order now!"
Add me something about a Nazi scientist that fled dub dub 2 and has been experimenting with said children and we're in biznus.
Put it in that ridiculous T-shirt font and grift away
That is amazing and so well done! If you aren't already some sort of writer, you should give it a go. I'd read your articles.
Thanks, I just read a lot and write up whenever the inspiration strikes. This time it happened when I was groggy after sleeping like 5 hours lol.
The idea of anti-woke coffee just makes me chuckle. What's the inverse of biting the onion, because that's what I did here.
Spitting the onion?
Two things: First, coffee became an “American” beverage after the Boston Tea Party (though, iirc beer remained a significant breakfast beverage for awhile). Coffee houses were also places for patriotic discussions and where the revolutionary zeal was fostered. So you have some MAGA types wanting to tap into that.
Second, dark roasting coffee is an old trick to cover the flavor of inconsistent and shitty coffee. Some people really like to taste the “roast.” But what’s happening is that a burnt flavor is masking the actual taste of a coffee bean. You want a light roast to actually taste the coffee.
Also, if I’m not mistaken, it was the French who first came up with dark roasting coffee (likely for preservation reasons). I’m sure MAGA would love to know that their “dark, hard-hitting” coffee has its flavor profile originating in France.
Dark roast is also less caffeinated than a light roast. The roasting reduces the caffeine content by about 20%.
Its people being arrogant about drinking weaker, worst tasting coffee.
I actually did not know that! A friend of mine used to own an independent roaster and kinda ruined me on coffee lol. Learned a lot from him, but somehow missed this tidbit. Makes sense.
So weird how they are saying single origin small batch and then they go and burn the shit out of the beans.
There is a medium roast as well. I picked one flavor at semi-random.
Many American "medium roasts" are burnt to hell
For real renegades who love their president, their landlord and the police.
"hits harder than trumps tariffs" is a phrase I'm really getting sick of.
My wife watches shorts all the time and I keep hearing people saying that in them.
How else am I supposed to tell everyone that my coffee's flavor will destroy the global economy?
lol (loss of a loved one)
Woke-free and rich from the mountains of Bolivia
You mean, you are rich from endorsing the harvesting of coffee from underpaid Bolivian farmers who work 16 hours a day?
Jesus H. Christ, I thought this coffee was satire. I need some eyebleach.
Jfc. That can't be real. If that's real, we are much further into Idiocracy than I previously thought.
If this is serious i'd be okay if the simulation suddenly stopped right now. And i'm afraid you are serious. At this point it just stops making sense to me.
Do you folks like coffee?
Real coffee
From the Hills
Of Colombia?
The Duncan Hills will wake you
From a thousand deaths
A cup of blackened blood
(Dying, dying)
You're dying for a cup
Guatemala blend
Ethiopian
French vanilla roast
(Dying, dying)
You're dying for a cup
Prepare for ultimate flavor
You're gonna get some now
And scream... for your cream
Duncan Hills
Duncan Hills
Duncan Hills Coffee
The look on the woman is what I imagine you do when just had a sip of this coffee.
@federalreverse Yeah one quick question. How in the heck in the world did coffee become woke? 😂
The coffee is actually USDA Organic and they call it "ethically sourced" ... which sounds incredibly woke and social-justicy. But I am sure they fully embrace the irony.
And they have a handy table on the topic actually. One of the items is "supports FREE SPEECH".
Wait, their fuckin coffee TALKS!!?!
Sadly, the idea behind the statement presumably is that they sponsor delightful people like Don jr and Laura Loomer and those people do the talking.
@federalreverse And the coffee stands for something? The tea in the Boston harbor stood for something. This is coffee. What does this stand for?
I guess it stands for enriching some dude who figured you could sell pricey coffee..?
- it's BLACK
- it comes from BOLIVIA ( idk where that is but it sounds like one of those woke European cities)
- there is a WOMAN in the ad
- her tits aren't even out
- freedom wasn't even invented until 1776 so calling it 1775 is basically tyranny
/s just in case