memes

When I worked at a fair trade store we had these Palestinian olives that were so damn good. Every morning I'd open a jar for customers to sample, eat olives till I made myself sick, then do it again the next day. Good times.

A while back a dev invited users to test out his app in beta that gave recipe ideas based on your dietary preferences (back before everyone was doing it).

I told it I’m vegetarian, am lactose free (m’spouse is lactose intolerant), and gluten free (I’m not, but 23andMe told me to maybe cut back on gluten to avoid developing the celiac’s I’m at risk for/others in my family have).

The only food it came up with for me— for dinner— was “a handful of almonds.”

That phrase has become a running gag with friends and I whenever we’re hungry af, because I’ll never forget how hilarious of a dinner suggestion that was. It felt akin to my vegetarian experience of going to a stakehouse for my grandpa’s birthday and the waiter being understandably woefully unprepared for my dietary preferences.

one time I got home late from work and I had a jar of pickles and a box of cheap wine in the fridge, so i poured myself a cup and grabbed some pickles and ate that for dinner, then about an hour later I had to run to the toilet to barf out all the pink relish

Usually these are supposed to be ironic, but I genuinely see nothing wrong with this.

Olives - the father
Olive tapenade - the son
Olive oil - the holy spirit

To be frank, I definitely did this as tome point and I'm pretty sure I actually did not regret it.

I’m described by this meme and I don’t like it.

I like this.

Dinner ✅

if i had to pick something to eat 30 or 40 of then olives would be in the top 5

You gotta balance that out with some croutons. Like, a whole bag of croutons.

I spent ten whole days in Jerusalem
Mmmm Jerusalem
Sweet Jerusalem
And all I ate was olives
Nothing but olives
Mountains of olives
It was a good ten days
I like olives
I like you too

-The messiah

I'm drunk as fuck rn but the pub I went to had some bomb ass olives that tasted kind of like corn, and now I regret not asking what they were called.

Obviously you have to use your fingers, because you need to stick the olives on the ends of your fingers and wiggle your fingers around first before eating the olives.

Living in a hotel during the week, olives and sauerkraut are my go to when I can’t be bothered

if it needs to be green olives, get the stuffed ones. but black olives are fine.

wee-knight

Later that day, my anus: "You have betrayed me!"

Finally, a real life hack!

I used to eat entire cans of black olives as a kid when there wasn't much in the house.

I still would, except I don't usually have cans of olives on hand.

Costco sells a big jar of garlic-stuffed green olives and I have to ration my daily intake or I'll destroy the jar in no time