this post was submitted on 15 Mar 2025
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If we MUST eat a entire bag of Oreos.

Which scenario is better?

  • Eat the entire bag in 30 minutes
  • Eat the bag slowly, and evenly throughout a day?

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[–] BradleyUffner@lemmy.world 99 points 2 days ago (1 children)

The package is conveniently divided into breakfast, lunch, and dinner rows.

[–] vulgarcynic@sh.itjust.works 28 points 1 day ago

We call that doing lines around these parts.

[–] gjoel@programming.dev 78 points 2 days ago (2 children)

A dentist once answered this question. Better to eat it at once than soak your teeth in sugar for the entire day. Even better if you brush your teeth after, of course.

[–] TomAwsm@lemmy.world 32 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Better for your teeth, sure. Nutritionally, I'm pretty sure it's better to spread it out.

[–] Dark_Arc@social.packetloss.gg 13 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Nutritionally, it's terrible either way.

I think your body would have a better time with it spread out over the course of the entire day. However you're still absorbing an insane amount of sugar in a single day.

There's a chance all at once would result in more of it being pooped out and thus be better ... but it's so close to just eating sugar I expect you'd absorb it and then your body would go into overdrive producing insulin.

Fine every now and then, but regularly it would be insanely bad no matter which way you do it.

[–] remotelove@lemmy.ca 17 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Fatty liver or rotten teeth... Tough choice.

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[–] olafurp@lemmy.world 47 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Eating sugary stuff that sticks in your teeth continuously throughout the day is the worst possible you can do for the teeth.

Binge eating sweets is pretty bad for blood sugar.

So to balance it out eat a third after every meal for max health and enjoyment.

[–] Landless2029@lemmy.world 18 points 1 day ago

So do a line after you dine?

[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 33 points 2 days ago (7 children)

Ehhh, I'd say that, on average and for most purposes, spread out is better.

Less of a hit to your system. No big blood sugar spikes, which reduces the worst aspects if swallowing an entire package to the minimum it gets.

That being said, expect digestive issues to linger. You've got a lot of fats, the coloring, and the sugars playing havoc with your guts.

Expect to need a lot of tooth brushing unless you just enjoy having plaque and acid build-up messing with your teeth.

But I'd say that the risks of big spikes in blood sugar are higher than those risks. It could, in the right circumstances, kill you. And the way some of the more recent information regarding the role of sugar in atherosclerosis, and maybe other cardiovascular illness, is looking, every big spike is whittling time off of your heart more than a bunch of little ones will.

[–] Timecircleline@sh.itjust.works 8 points 2 days ago (1 children)

One of the first things I did when I first moved out from my parents is eat a whole bag of Oreos for breakfast because I could.

It turns your poop black.

[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 day ago (5 children)

Yup :)

I've had to clean up oreo poop lol.

A lot of older patients tend to get a "sweet tooth", and they'll go nuts on cookies and cakes.

Oreo poops aren't the worst poops, but they look bad and are super sticky.

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[–] LittleTarsier@lemmy.ca 32 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (3 children)

As a Canadian, unfortunately the answer is now to not eat them at all because they are an American product. This breaks my heart because I am the type of person that would eat an entire bag throughout the day :(

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 8 points 1 day ago (3 children)

What about Canadian off-brand? Is that a thing? Like at Canadamart or Tim Horton's or wherever y'all shop?

[–] TriflingToad@sh.itjust.works 8 points 1 day ago (1 children)

technically it's an off off brand because Oreos themselves are an off brand

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

True, but Hydrox is also American, so no dice.

[–] TriflingToad@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 day ago

darn :(, I tried

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[–] sun_is_ra@sh.itjust.works 26 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Its better not to eat entire bag of Oreo in one day but if you must then its better to spread it over the day to avoid creating large sugar spike in your body.

[–] Valmond@lemmy.world 7 points 2 days ago

You also won't upset your stomach as much if you spread it out.

[–] null_dot@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 2 days ago

I don't think this is true unless you're diabetic.

For non-diabetics insulin will store all the glucose just fine. Even if you have an elevated level for several hours I don't think that's particularly problematic to your health. It's problematic to diabetics because their levels are elevated perpetually.

[–] Adderbox76@lemmy.ca 21 points 23 hours ago

I've solved that problem by buying two bags. One to eat all at once. And one to spread out over the rest of the day.

[–] betterdeadthanreddit@lemmy.world 20 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Smash them up and dump the crumbs into a glass. Now it's a drink and no longer subject to the tyrannical nutritional guidelines of the medical establishment, leaving you free to consume it as you please.

[–] tetris11@lemmy.ml 6 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Or grind it into fine dust and sprinkle it into your tobacco, stupid!

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[–] Hikermick@lemmy.world 17 points 1 day ago (3 children)

Eat em all at once. Right before your appointment at the dentist to have your teeth cleaned

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[–] BertramDitore@lemm.ee 17 points 2 days ago

Oh, we must.

If I had to choose between those options, I’d eat them slowly throughout the day.

But in reality, it’s two sittings: one row in the afternoon, and the rest at the unhealthiest of times, around 9pm.

[–] PapaStevesy@lemmy.world 17 points 1 day ago (3 children)

More enjoyment if you spread it out over the whole day, plus you won't barf. You might shit liquid, but y'know, lesser evil I'd say.

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[–] BigMikeInAustin@lemmy.world 15 points 2 days ago (1 children)

No good story has ever started with, "I ate a bag of oreos over the course of a whole day. "

[–] tetris11@lemmy.ml 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I'm pretty sure that's how MLK started his speech

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[–] ef9357@lemmy.world 13 points 1 day ago

If you are intermittent fasting, then eat in one 30 minute window. If not, no fucking idea.

[–] muntedcrocodile@lemm.ee 11 points 2 days ago (3 children)

U bastard. U just reminded me I have a KitKat to eat. Do I eat the entire thing or spread it over the day?

[–] jet@hackertalks.com 5 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Yes! Both. And Second Kitkat

[–] muntedcrocodile@lemm.ee 5 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Its one of those large blocks tho

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[–] NeoNachtwaechter@lemmy.world 10 points 2 days ago

Better to eat it at once. Your system can work away the high blood sugar level and then go back to normal.

If you create high blood sugar again and again, it is stressful for your pancreas all day long. Do that often and you will get overweight, and then diabetes.

[–] renrenPDX@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 1 day ago (1 children)

It depends on what you want your poop to look like later.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 15 points 1 day ago (1 children)

oh i don't plan on pooping.

[–] lukstru@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Do you just let it happen when the time comes?

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[–] fum@lemmy.world 9 points 2 days ago (1 children)

This is my eternal struggle, with any type of biscuit.

I try to not eat the whole pack in one day, so eat some then close the pack. But inevitability I go back later and finish the rest!

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[–] Nurse_Robot@lemmy.world 7 points 2 days ago

Just commenting to say I love this question and the genuine attempts at answers. I'm going to ask a dietitian next chance I get

[–] crozilla@lemmy.world 7 points 21 hours ago

Oreo’s have had all their flavor sucked out of them through enshitification—and to make you eat more to feel satisfied.

Go to any grocery store (like TJ’s) and just buy “Sandwich Cookies.” THEY taste like Oreos used to.

(But, you have to eat them fast as they degrade quickly like actual food, something Oreos isn’t.)

[–] Droggelbecher@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

You're eating those as a treat, not for your health. You probably know the negative impact that sugar and trans fats have, so if you're going to treat yourself, I'd say make sure to make it count.

Do you get more overall pleasure from a little bit of enjoyment throughout the day or from a lot of enjoyment for a short amount of time? Maybe half now and half later or tomorrow? That's how I decide how to eat/do stuff that I enjoy but know can negatively impact my health if I over do it.

If you do want to make it less unhealthy though, try to make sure they're not the only thing in your stomach and rinse your mouth after you're done eating them.

[–] Flocklesscrow@lemm.ee 5 points 1 day ago (4 children)

Eat them right before a big, protein heavy meal. The sugar will stimulate insulin production which will help to process more of the protein. And then have a couple for dessert.

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[–] Proprietary_Blend@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago (3 children)

In a large bowl, combine 750ml of your closest booze and the Oreos. Use a potato masher to create a smooth yet chunky consistency. Best enjoyed naked while binge watching Bojack Horseman.

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[–] billwashere@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago

Scrape off all the cream and eat a bowlful of that, then snack on the burnt cookies the rest of the day.

[–] toadjones79@lemm.ee 7 points 18 hours ago (3 children)

Technically the entire bag all at once will raise blood sugar higher, causing a bigger spike. The liver can't deal with that much, so it converts the excess to fat faster than if it is spread out. The bigger problem is making it a habit of surprising your metabolism with huge calorie spikes with starvation in-between. One time isn't bad enough to be concerned with. Weekly, or even daily will wreck your liver (non alcoholic fatty liver disease or NAFLD is just a couple steps away from cirrhosis)

Also, I'm no doctor nor do I have any background in the medical field. I just have a more progressed version of NAFLD from eating things like Oreos with both hands for forty years.

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[–] RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I’d probably barf if I ate the whole pack in one sitting. Or at least feel like I would.

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[–] Duamerthrax@lemmy.world 6 points 20 hours ago

All else being equal, spread out so not to induce a sugar rush/diabetic shock.

[–] booly@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I love that the question doesn't specify what "better" means, and we're all interpreting it in our own ways. Healthier? More enjoyable?

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[–] moitoi@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 2 days ago

All at once so you can repeat it during the entire day.

[–] andrewta@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago

Better to not buy dry stale cookies.

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