No Stupid Questions

The package is conveniently divided into breakfast, lunch, and dinner rows.

A dentist once answered this question. Better to eat it at once than soak your teeth in sugar for the entire day. Even better if you brush your teeth after, of course.

Eating sugary stuff that sticks in your teeth continuously throughout the day is the worst possible you can do for the teeth.

Binge eating sweets is pretty bad for blood sugar.

So to balance it out eat a third after every meal for max health and enjoyment.

Ehhh, I'd say that, on average and for most purposes, spread out is better.

Less of a hit to your system. No big blood sugar spikes, which reduces the worst aspects if swallowing an entire package to the minimum it gets.

That being said, expect digestive issues to linger. You've got a lot of fats, the coloring, and the sugars playing havoc with your guts.

Expect to need a lot of tooth brushing unless you just enjoy having plaque and acid build-up messing with your teeth.

But I'd say that the risks of big spikes in blood sugar are higher than those risks. It could, in the right circumstances, kill you. And the way some of the more recent information regarding the role of sugar in atherosclerosis, and maybe other cardiovascular illness, is looking, every big spike is whittling time off of your heart more than a bunch of little ones will.

As a Canadian, unfortunately the answer is now to not eat them at all because they are an American product. This breaks my heart because I am the type of person that would eat an entire bag throughout the day :(

Its better not to eat entire bag of Oreo in one day but if you must then its better to spread it over the day to avoid creating large sugar spike in your body.

I've solved that problem by buying two bags. One to eat all at once. And one to spread out over the rest of the day.

Smash them up and dump the crumbs into a glass. Now it's a drink and no longer subject to the tyrannical nutritional guidelines of the medical establishment, leaving you free to consume it as you please.

Eat em all at once. Right before your appointment at the dentist to have your teeth cleaned

Oh, we must.

If I had to choose between those options, I’d eat them slowly throughout the day.

But in reality, it’s two sittings: one row in the afternoon, and the rest at the unhealthiest of times, around 9pm.

More enjoyment if you spread it out over the whole day, plus you won't barf. You might shit liquid, but y'know, lesser evil I'd say.

No good story has ever started with, "I ate a bag of oreos over the course of a whole day. "

If you are intermittent fasting, then eat in one 30 minute window. If not, no fucking idea.

U bastard. U just reminded me I have a KitKat to eat. Do I eat the entire thing or spread it over the day?

Better to eat it at once. Your system can work away the high blood sugar level and then go back to normal.

If you create high blood sugar again and again, it is stressful for your pancreas all day long. Do that often and you will get overweight, and then diabetes.

It depends on what you want your poop to look like later.

This is my eternal struggle, with any type of biscuit.

I try to not eat the whole pack in one day, so eat some then close the pack. But inevitability I go back later and finish the rest!

Just commenting to say I love this question and the genuine attempts at answers. I'm going to ask a dietitian next chance I get

Oreo’s have had all their flavor sucked out of them through enshitification—and to make you eat more to feel satisfied.

Go to any grocery store (like TJ’s) and just buy “Sandwich Cookies.” THEY taste like Oreos used to.

(But, you have to eat them fast as they degrade quickly like actual food, something Oreos isn’t.)

You're eating those as a treat, not for your health. You probably know the negative impact that sugar and trans fats have, so if you're going to treat yourself, I'd say make sure to make it count.

Do you get more overall pleasure from a little bit of enjoyment throughout the day or from a lot of enjoyment for a short amount of time? Maybe half now and half later or tomorrow? That's how I decide how to eat/do stuff that I enjoy but know can negatively impact my health if I over do it.

If you do want to make it less unhealthy though, try to make sure they're not the only thing in your stomach and rinse your mouth after you're done eating them.

In a large bowl, combine 750ml of your closest booze and the Oreos. Use a potato masher to create a smooth yet chunky consistency. Best enjoyed naked while binge watching Bojack Horseman.

Scrape off all the cream and eat a bowlful of that, then snack on the burnt cookies the rest of the day.

Technically the entire bag all at once will raise blood sugar higher, causing a bigger spike. The liver can't deal with that much, so it converts the excess to fat faster than if it is spread out. The bigger problem is making it a habit of surprising your metabolism with huge calorie spikes with starvation in-between. One time isn't bad enough to be concerned with. Weekly, or even daily will wreck your liver (non alcoholic fatty liver disease or NAFLD is just a couple steps away from cirrhosis)

Also, I'm no doctor nor do I have any background in the medical field. I just have a more progressed version of NAFLD from eating things like Oreos with both hands for forty years.

I’d probably barf if I ate the whole pack in one sitting. Or at least feel like I would.

All else being equal, spread out so not to induce a sugar rush/diabetic shock.

I love that the question doesn't specify what "better" means, and we're all interpreting it in our own ways. Healthier? More enjoyable?

All at once so you can repeat it during the entire day.

Better to not buy dry stale cookies.