I got a lot of professional advice and guidance in the moment to kick the door to mindfulness wide open. I wish I could share any one thing specific to help anyone replicate the experience. I honestly think this kind of Gnostic awakening has to be tailored to the individual. Also, I was told I was a quick study at this - so sadly, it may take a long time to get there (months to years even).

One exercise we did that helped a lot was to have a discussion with your younger self, and explore what you would say knowing what you know now. Like with a lot of this stuff, the key is to verbalize - it's fundamentally different than talking to yourself with your inner monologue. So you're gonna need a close friend that you can share a LOT of deeply traumatic experiences. Pulling punches and censoring your own speech is just going to get in the way. Fundamentally, this is what we pay counselors for: privacy, not judging, and helping to take out the trash. Group therapy may help here too - I have yet to try this, so YMMV.

On a more specific note, I used to be obsessed with root-cause-analysis for my own psychological problems. I almost got into an argument with my counselor over it, until he was able to help me see the light. You can absolutely figure out why and even how you got this way, but that information will absolutely not help you if you're already in a safe space. It can help you break free of someone or a bad situation, but stuff that happened 30 years ago? Not so much. When you get down to it, there's no "undo" button for trauma, no matter how much you know. Instead, one must look to the present, exercise mindfulness in the moment of anxiety and triggers, and practice walking your headspace back to a more rational place.

Edit: this was all during the pandemic, BTW. I can't say that compares to what we have going on today, but I can confidently say that it's possible to focus on self-help despite all that. It's really possible to separate "things that are going on in the world" and "things that are just me" in your own head, and work on the latter.

If you can't stop thinking about the worst possible outcome, try imagining the opposite. A nice and comfortable situation that makes you happy. To take up space in your thoughts and orient you towards more pleasant emotions

That thing you like doing that makes you feel better? Stop it.

Instead do this thing that is tedious/boring that you never look forward to.

Eventually you will fool yourself into enjoying this boring/tedious task and trick your brain into releasing dopamine when you perform it.

A really big part of therapy is learning how to communicate what happened, what is happening, and what you are feeling.

It takes a lot of time to organize it all into words that another person would understand, and doing so helps you.

The therapist might aslo reccomend what to do going forward but 9/10 times you already know that.

Mine explained my emotional dysregulation patterns and helped me identify the triggers and how to address them.

By far, the most useful technique they shared with me was the TIPP skills technique, which helps me come down when I am having strong emotional reactions as a trauma response or from anxiety. Essentially:

• temperature - use cold temp to lower heart rate, warm to raise it
• intense exercise - helps manage overwhelming energy levels
• paced breathing - I'm not big on breathing but it works for some
• paired muscle relaxation - my favourite as it also interrupts thought patterns

Hope you're able to access help though, obviously it is much better when personalized and you also get the safe space to release your fears and anxieties

Set boundaries and enforce them.

"Here, take this quick test".

Ok.

"Huh. I've never seen results like this. "

...

"Welp, our time's up."

They told me about a Dark Plagus dude and some tragedy. I spaced out but I’m pretty sure the lesson was to always keep partying.

Just start doing things.

He told me that I need to find a new therapist.

If you think you picked a bad partner because there's something wrong with you because of how you were parented, actually a bad partner sought you out because they saw those vulnerabilities in you.

Please remember to bring exact change next time.

The last advice my therapist ever gave me will hang with me forever: "If you're not willing to open up to me you won't get much from these sessions."

Being kind to yourself is apparently pretty important.

Try and take time to soothe your inner child. Eat a bowl of Mac and cheese, try to go surfing, do dumb shit kids do. You know. Try it. Also learn to love yourself. Fucking good luck though, man that one... like how the fuck could that ever happen.

“You don’t have to do everything all at once” and “it’s okay to have a meltdown when you get home” helped a lot to be honest

Get a hobby, get outside. Doesn't have to cost much either.

Sometimes in the summer I go to the beach before work and cook my breakfast there on a camping stove burning driftwood as fuel.

stop smoking marijuana

Your emotions and feelings are your brain and body’s way of communicating with you - listen to them. If you take some time to feel your feelings with a sympathetic lens, you can better understand what’s wrong. While fixing it will be a lot longer of a journey, simply allowing your self to listen will be a good first step.

Try something other than amex cards.

Life doesn't happen on your schedule.