Ask Lemmy

Alright, team, let’s circle back and ensure we’re fully aligned on our north star objectives. We need to leverage synergy, engage in blue-sky thinking, and touch base on our pain points to drive mission-critical outcomes. But let’s not boil the ocean with unnecessary jargon - at the end of the day, we need to optimize our bandwidth for real, value-driven impact. If we keep moving the needle with this kind of thought leadership theater, we risk losing sight of our core competencies and drowning in a sea of meaningless buzzwords. Let’s pivot toward clear, actionable insights and sunset the overuse of strategic messaging before it becomes a blocker to true innovation. Instead of just playing the fast-follow game with every trending framework, let’s focus on original, high-impact execution that actually drives results.

~~Thoughts?~~ Chris, do you have any builds?

No?

Good. Then let's action this and drive it across the finish line!

I heard "rightsizing" for the first time last year.

I have no idea what knucklehead PR dumbass came up with that but it made the following layoffs even more unpalatable.

Bio break.

I don’t think I have to elaborate on that one.

Referring to people, staff as resources. Nice and dehumanizing.

Leadership at the company I work for started saying "let's double click that" to mean let's go into more detail on that topic. Hate it.

Also "let's take this offline" which just means let's have a different meeting about it, it'll still be online because we're all remote.

1. Alignment
2. Scalable
3. Circle back

If you use these regularly I KNOW the meeting you just booked me into should have been an email.

Synergy

Mostly because I have never heard it used correctly in the context of a copprate speech/talk.

I had one retail manager who constantly kept using "moving forward" for everything. It was so freaking grating!

I hate that I've learned to censor myself around these soulless void-skulls by replacing "problem" with "challenge." No, I don't "solve problems", because to acknowledge something as a problem is negativity we just don't need here at Emperor Clothing Inc! I "tackle challenges"!

It's so freaking goofy and they just eat it up. Everything needs some sort of business-positive spin or they lose their minds and think you're not being a "team player."

quiet quitting

How dare you not overachieve for your corporate overlords!

Anything they use to replace the word "layoffs".

There are many but I find "let's double-click on that" particularly grating

That they treat you like "family"

“We work hard and play hard” makes my skin crawl. Also, had a manager who would describe every situation with a war analogy. Sorry Bob, this is Finance, we’re not literally killing each other. Take it down a notch.

"Department / Corporate Retreat"

As in, "we're holding our annual corporate retreat next Wednesday! It'll be offsite, you're all required to be there, and we'll be spending the day having a 6 hour meeting about absolutely nothing, just like we do every year. But dont worry, when we're done we'll play a game no one wants to play, or do a craft no one wants to do, but everyone will pretend they enjoy it because if they don't, they're not 'team players.'"

This year, our day-long-nothing-meeting was about how management is working to secure everyone's jobs despite budget cuts, and we have nothing to worry about. Then we took a personality quiz that said I was a character from Stranger Things. Then the next day, they told me I'm getting laid off and have 3 months left at the company.

Fucking RETREATS are so relaxing.

MVP - as in “minimum viable product”

More commonly known as the slop of a product or solution that’s being slinged to all the markets early on without adequate documentation, support, usability, scalability, standards or security.

“Corner the market” also deserves a disgusting mention.

Here at Lemmy, we are steadfastly committed to leveraging our core competencies in order to drive strategic alignment across all functional units. Our focus remains unwavering on fostering a culture of continuous innovation and optimizing synergies that propel us towards achieving scalable growth and value creation for our stakeholders. By embracing agile methodologies and harnessing cutting-edge technologies, we endeavor to stay ahead of the curve, ensuring robust ROI while maintaining unparalleled customer-centricity in every facet of our operations.

Should you have any further inquiries or require additional insights into our visionary pursuits, please do not hesitate to connect with us. Together, let’s pioneer new paradigms and redefine excellence!

Touch base

Can we "just double click on that" for a second?

shudders

I still hate "leverage" used as a synonym for "use." "We leverage technologies" yeah sure, when was the last time you had your asshole leveraged?

The whole "we're a family" motto. I never understood why this is a thing and why it should be a thing. There is no job that I've ever been comfortable getting that attached to.

"We're family"

Streamline

"Lean and nimble"

"Moving with a sense of purpose"

"We're like a family"

"Synergy"

For me its more of a lack of understanding of a specific word's definition. The word? "Systematically"

"There's a problem systematically, so IT is gonna have to look at that."

They literally mean there is a problem with a computer or software and not anything related to a systematic process.

This drives me right up the wall. Everyone in management says it like a buzzword.

I don't mind lunch and learns. I get overtime for that, AND they buy me lunch. I'm either stuck near the office for an unproductive hour I don't get paid for, or at my desk working on the same shit I was earlier for an extra hour.

But all the bullshit buzzwords attempting to paint employees standing up for themselves as bad things are obnoxious as hell: quiet quitting and the like

Collaboration. I have never worked at a single company that wanted people talking or collaborating on the work floor, or even when sharing a cubicle, let alone listen to any suggestion us peons had to offer. They keep using it as an excuse for RTO.

'contextual knowledge'

this gem was put forward in all seriousness when the data didn't support the claims in the report: "it's not in the numbers, but we have a pretty good sense that this is true"

"Opportunities" when talking about shitty metrics.

"double click" to mean "focus on" or "explore in more depth"

Any mention of "family" and I'm out. You aren't my fucking family. I barely tolerate any of you, and I only go that far because I am forced to participate in this bullshit just so I can feed and shelter myself. Just give me my project, shut your dick sheath, and let me grind my life away in silence.

On a totally unrelated note, "team player".

Let's take it offline

not really corporate, but (as far as i know) it was brought into existence due to corporations: "unalive"

Please socialise the requirement throughout your teams

What’s our North Star?

"It doesn't scale", meaning the company might have to (shudder) hire people if our business doubles.