Ask Lemmy

Me: “Wanna have sex?”

Her: “No”

Me: “C’mon, it’ll be over before you know it, and you’ll barely feel a thing.”

Her:”Ok, let’s go.”

Me:”Wait… What?”

True story.

Me: Do you have the time?

Her: Do you have the stamina?

I've come to believe that she didn't just come up with that herself, but at the time it was great.

Yes, this was before smart phones.

My now wife and her friend showed up at a party where I was at, and they both were wearing glasses. I also had glasses on, so I blurted out, "Oh, good, more people with glasses!" I instantly regretted it after saying it, but we ended up dating and then getting married. If it's stupid but it works then it's not stupid.

"Can I have your number? I'd understand if you give me a fake one"
worked on my wife.

First date.

I rolled a D-20 in front of her.

1

"Hey, I shat in my bed, can I sleep in yours?"

I just told my not-super-close friend “we’re going out for sushi and I’m gonna pay but it’s not a date but we get to eat sushi”

They said “oh hell yeah let’s get high beforehand”

Smoked some weed, ate sushi. Zero talk. Maximum awkward. Went back to the car, I asked about a book that was in their bag. They said it was a sketchbook, and I asked if I could see. LOVED their art sooooo much.

Together for 14 years so far

Her: "I'm, like the Queen of Analogies!"

Me: "Really? What's that like?"

Her: ". . . Fuck you! Nobody ever asked me that before!"

Married 14 years now...

Her: is that Harry Potter you're reading?

She approached me on the bus when I was commuting. It was a couple of decades ago when HP was new and fun. She was fun too, but we only went on a couple of dates.

I'm not surprised at all. At the time, I was trying to be as social as possible. If she'd stomped on my toe and then asked me out, I'd probably have said yes.

My girlfriend and I had been dating for about 5 months and were serious. We went for a day hike at a local park. Our conversation during the hike went to talking about the future and similar topics. Out of curiosity, I asked; "Do you want to get married?" Not meaning it as an actual proposal, but rather just to get her thoughts. I didn't have a ring, nor was I on one knee. Yet she responded with an enthusiastic "YES"! We started planning the wedding the next day.

Here we are 20 years later, married happy as ever and our oldest is graduating high school and going on to University, our youngest is finishing up 9th grade.

I guess I found out what she was thinking!

Truth be told though, we were both 34 years old and neither of us had been married before. So it's not like we were teenagers making a rash decision. We were thirty somethings making a rash decision. That's different... Right?

She asked for something that makes me laugh. Send her this:

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Him: I can make you orgasm without touching you.

Me: bullshit, prove it

Then he proceeded to prove it and I had the best orgasm of my life; only to discover that was the worst orgasm that I would ever have with him…

Not so much a pick-up line, but I sent her a dick pic

I cannot stress enough that it wasn't a random, unsolicited one.

We'd joked about it, her user name was a play on it, and I sent a link to something rather than a picture, so she had the ability to not see it if she chose

Anyway... We're engaged now...

"I'm bored, wanna fool around?" sometimes, that's all it takes.

beckons her over with a come hither gesture "If I can make you come with just one finger, imagine what I could do with two."

As a teen nieghbor had a girl stay over the summer. We hung out on her enclosed porch in lawn chairs.

Her: wanna give me head?

Me: sure.

Her: I'm not wearing panties. (Wearing a short skin tight dress)

Me: (causally lifts her leg up and start)

After a bit.

Her: Got a condom?

We fucked right there. Even did doggy with her at the window. We hooked up a few more times after that. Yeah that was a fun summer.

I personally don't use pick up lines.

As a teenager on a bus ride I was talking to a guy friend about talking to girls and pickup lines.

Saw two girls at the front of the bus. They hugged and one got off. I said something along the lines of "dude just go for it. You miss all the shots you don't take"

So as a demonstration I walked up to the girl and said "hey, are you up for chatting a bit?" Then I sat two seats away and we talked for 10-15 minutes until she got off. Turns out her friend was moving away and she was saying farewell. I didn't try to get a number and wished her well.

Sat back with my boy and he asked "how did you do that? What line did you use?"
I told him I didn't use a line. Just asked if we could chat and we talked. I listened and had a conversation.

Thats worked several times for me. No pickup lines. Just strike up a conversation with a relevant topic or complement.

Last time was at the beach. I just walked up to two women and asked about thier beach umbrella.

I introduced myself to my wife by saying "hi I'm a lesbian" after overhearing her complain about there not being enough of us around

"Don't stick your tongue out unless you're gonna use it."

Not really, she was a crazy ho but also very good looking, plus I was young and stupid (also horny).

Did you get a huge fly tattooed on your thigh because you're a stinky bitch?

No pull, but got a huge laugh.

See that a lot of these and know step one would be hot, not ugly.

"Hey, I was going through you profile and thought you seemed interesting so I was wondering if you'd like to grab a cup of coffee someday" or something along those lines. Still together 8 years later.

The craziest one that worked on me was a girl coming to me at a party and saying "Hey, my friend over there (pointed at another girl) wanted to know if you would be interested in hooking up with me?" We had a laugh, talked for a while and ended hooking up.

"Want to come over to my place and watch Hamilton?"

"You look lesbian, are you? If not, want to come back to my place and fuck?"