Ask Lemmy

I've noticed that when you want a question answered it's best to put your own answer in a comment and let the post only be describing or clarifying the question. When you put a question and your answer together in the post, the question reads more rhetorical since you've already given "the answer", and your answer will be what people discuss rather than giving their own answers.

My sexist stereotype that needs to stop is that men are not good with kids, or unsafe.

I want to see more men playing with kids, being handed strangers kids to hold at gatherings, men hugging and cuddling kids. It's no more suspicious or odd for a man to enjoy and appreciate and be caring with children (not just his own) than it is for a woman.

I have no qualms asking a strange child if they want help if I see them struggling (seeming lost, trying to reach something, scared of the escalator, whatever), and I want men to feel equally comfortable stepping in without being afraid of what people might think they're up to... Because people need to stop thinking men are up to something when they are clearly trying to have a positive impact.

That men always want sex with anyone at any time, and if they don't that means there's something wrong with them.

What you're describing sounds more like marketing than stereotypes.

Enough men fit into these category that advertising this way works. So that won't stop.

Most, if not all of them, should just die to be honest. But the one that is targeted at me and annoys me most at the moment is the following.

Where I currently live, there seems to be an assumption that if you are a man, you're going to be a deadbeat parent.

The bar is in absolute hell to be considered a "good dad". Change nappies? You're so "hands on". Spend time with your kids minding your own business? Mums out of the blue coming to tell you "you're doing great", with optional condescension. Thanks, I didn't ask. Or conversely if my child is crying, get offered help insistently, because yeah, you must know better than my sorry man ass, even though you only met my child 5 seconds ago.

When my partner is present, any questions from doctors or childminders about our children are by default asked to her, and if I don't (repeatedly) chip in, I don't even get a look.

No, I'm not "babysitting" to give my wife a rest, I'm enjoying spending time with my children. No, I don't feel emasculated having my baby in a carrier/sling or pushing a buggy. Also no, I don't need to be advertised "manly" looking dad gear (you know the one, looks like you're cosplaying a spec ops soldier).

This seems to be getting better as my children are getting older but during the baby phase it was absolutely mind blowing how I felt I either had to assert my presence quite a bit, or paradoxically get infinite praise for doing the bare minimum.

I get annoyed when I order a cocktail or a vegetarian dish at a restaurant and they put it in front of my wife.

Sometimes I want a veggie filled meal, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to pass up a cocktail because it’s not “manly”.

I have scotch at home, and if I’m buying a steak it’s going to be from a high quality restaurant. I hate overpaying for steak that I can cook better at home.

Men don't cry or ahow emotions. Women can't drive. Women belong in the kitchen. A man having many partners is the goat. A woman having many partners is a whore. A woman wearing "sexy" clothes wants the attention of men and is partially responsible should a man overstep his boundries. Blonde women are stupid. The men are the bread winners. Househusbands are "beta"-man. Men have to pay for the date. Men getting beaten by a their partner are weak and deserved it. Women getting beat by their partner is an exeption. Making a sexist joke is harmless. Feminism is bad for men and only helps women take away the power of men. The patriachial order is good for all men.

Sooo, this are all the cringe takes I could come up with real fast. There are many more, but I don't want to write and essay here.

The timing of this post is ideal.

I’m a guy. Yesterday, a coworker (a woman) told me about a male customer who was shopping before my shift started. She tried to help him, but he said “can I get a man to help me?” Ugh.

Amusingly, only her and two other women were working at that moment. She said “I’m the best you’re gonna get. There’s only two other people on duty right now, and they’re both women with less experience than me.” She wasn’t bragging, either. She’s always the one I go to when I have questions.

I’m glad I wasn’t there. I wouldn’t have wanted to deal with that caveman.

Men are just big children.

The other day at work, a woman said "I have three children. And a husband, so I guess three and a half children."

Don't usually see that stereotype in the wild.

I don't want people to give up joy and fun things, but the idea that men are just irresponsible and their wife has to also be their responsible mother is sad.

Edit: typo

I recently became aware of the "performative male" stereotype. Basically, if you're a guy who doesn't dress the way most men dress and you like to read books in public, you're just "performing" in order to attract women.

I think it's the whole anti-intellectualism aspect of the stereotype that irks me the most (it being shameful somehow for a guy to read).

In some cases Tik-Tokers are filming guys just sitting alone at like a Starbucks reading a book, bothering nobody, and acting like they caught a predator.

It reminds me of that old Bill Hicks anecdote where he's at a diner in the deep south reading a book, and some dude exclaims "looks we got a reader!" as if it were something peculiar.

Here's a good critique of it if you're OOTL https://youtube.com/watch?v=b3jIgdbVjr4

Men just want this simplistic life with no amenities. No bed just a mattress, cheap canned food, cheapest tshirts bought in packs of 50 and so on. I'm sure there are people who genuinely like that, but a lot of the times I find it so sad when men think they can't treat themselves. And often if they just tried finding out what is a good product for them they'd find that it solves a lot of their problems.

One example: my husband told me when we met that he didn't like to go to the pool because he was very self-concious about his unclean skin and lots of akne. He was also using any cheap soap he saw at a shop. I did some research for him and we tried some medical shower gels and just a few month later his skin had cleaned up completely. He isn't even someone who buys into this manliness-stuff, but I think society just never suggested to him that as a man he could care about what soap he buys and put any thought into it. For him it was just a fact of life that he had bad skin and he was sad that it kept him from going to the pool or sauna, but he kind of accepted it as his fate. Because somehow trying to feel good and care for your body is still coded female outside of some fitness/bodybuilder etc bubbles.

He has since also found out that investing some research and money into the right mattress and bed base helps against his back pain that he had before also kind of just accepted.

I have friends (men) working in a heavily women work. Every times there’s a minor scratch or handwork to do they’re called. It’s annoying, everyone know how to operate a screwdriver

"You're a man. You can take it." No, cunt. It's domestic abuse.

Big penises being more manly or making you a better lover. I'm sure wars have been started by men who were upset with their dick size and would do anything to make up for it.

Meat. I'm vegetarian, my wife is not. When we go out to eat, if she orders meat, there's a good chance the meat dish will get put in front of me.

We were at a Christmas market on the weekend, and one booth had a sign that said "Make your husband happy", and it was of course a butcher stand.

I fit into that stereotype. I'm still doing no shave November 2014, I hunt and fish and like to BBQ anything I catch while having a beer.

Even when I used to have identified myself as a guy, I never once fit into any of those traits.

I don't think you should be too surprised to have not fallen into male dominated stereotypes when you are part of a minority.

I would extend that to pretty much all gendered advertisement. Especially for kids, the way toys are advertised in such a gendered way does quite a bit of harm to those who don't neatly fit into the stereotypes.

Anything machismo. Guys shouldn't take pride in being big dumb oafs that can swig gasoline if they wanted to.

The market has determined the gender stereotypes that are most profitable and insecure people increasingly take on those qualities as parts of their personality.

All other interests are niche and require someone to establish a special interest club to attract like-minded folks.

They are selling them because people buy them. E.g. I'm a guy, and I'm into toilet and beer humor. Trans/non binary/etc guys are a minority, and im pretty sure you can find your stuff somewhere, it's not banned, but capitalism says they have to advertise to the majority to make the most profits.

I don't care about football, but I know a lot of people do, so I don't get annoyed by other people having different taste and interest than me.

Marketing people prey on insecure people. It's not just guys. I had a girlfriend who would spend a fortune... Not even kidding on hair products, cremes, you name it. She was always jealous of my hair and skin and i always told her that i literally make my own soap and don't care about products. But on Instagram... Well, then just buy stuff from influencers i guess.

I read "sexiest stereotypes" and got confused as to why you would want to stop them.

Husband Dumb; wife like shopping and naggs Boys being violent being considered "okay" Boys in theater are into guys. I mean i may be that but not everyone!

I misread the topic and thought this was about the "sexiest stereotypes" like a woman smart woman talking about a topic she's passionate about or a man that frees trapped wildlife.

Any sentence you say starting with "men" or "women" than "people"

I used to teach community college sociology. One of my students told me "it would be gay" to be kind with his 4 year old son.

I often wonder how that kid turned out. Not good I imagine.

Every one of them