Sometimes this timeline is too absurd not to love a little bit
this post was submitted on 04 Dec 2025
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I pray everyday that someone sneaks up behind me and hits my head with a large hammer
Im always watching the lamps just in case.
Feels like we've landed in an episode of Brasseye
Anyone who decided to buy a smart toilet with internet access deserves to not have an encrypted connection
Its even worse, its a smart attachment for any existing toilet
Only a matter of time before the Kohler Miracle occurs, a magnificent turd in the shape of the Virgin Mary.
The Dekoda costs $599 plus a mandatory subscription of at least $6.99 per month.
Imagine paying $600 plus $7 a month for Kohler to look at your shit.
Jokes on the intern?
What the fuck are we doing as humanity
Storing petabytes of shit photos on coal burning servers cooled by drinking water.
Because a guy in a black turtleneck told us to.
Wait, it stores it?
I thought it forwards my shit pictures to my enemies.
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No shit.
Literally a shit post. Well done sir.
What a shitty design.
end-to-end
From my end to another person's end connected by the plumbing system?
Seriously tho: I can understand why certain tech things might need a camera; if the toilet is able to accurately bidet the shit off my asshole with laser precision I can understand it might need to see all the dingleberries... But why the fuck does it have to send the camera data anywhere? Keep that shit local, confined to the device itself.
It analyses your shit and cross checks against the Bristol stool chart.
It then has either Metamucil or a block of cheese delivered to your house as needed.
ERROR: Too much blood detected in sample.
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Camera toilet? For shitting with your boyfriend/girlfriend together.
c/StallmanWasRight
I'd just like to interject for a moment. What you're refering to as Shitcam, is in fact, GNU/Shitcam, or as I've recently taken to calling it, GNU plus Shitcam.
Literally using people's shit to train their shit AI.
Considering there has been a massive wave of smart cameras everywhere in and outside homes in the past and especially recently getting "hacked", it's not a stretch that randomly picking cameras to look through could yield a droopy balls and veiny cock jumpscare
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I will never be surprised by insecure IoT devices.
The S in IoT stands for security
Lol perfect, I like that.
That’s because they call it Ass-to-Ass Encryption
I don't like to judge idiots too harshly, but if you bought a product marketed as an encrypted toilet camera you deserve whatever happens to you
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Wait, this technology wasn’t an onion article or a fever dream? WTF Kohler, how much money did you waste on this tech and supporting infrastructure?!
What are the ends in this end-to-end? Someone more clever than me can make this into a joke.
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um, couldn't you just look down at your shit, or take your own picture on your smart phone to compare to other poop images on the web? Like why the fuck would anyone need a toilet camera?
Might drop phone into the shitty toilet! But if the camera is specifically designed for my toilet, can't drop it in! What an amazing product idea for people like me! Also, I don't tell you your hobbies are dumb. If you're curious, I have a graphed some data showing my normal distribution of bristol scale output for the last few years. Can't tell you how many times I've had to fish the phone out of the toilet to collect that data (don't worry, it's waterproof, so it gets rinsed off during the flush).
If you wanna log your logs the old fashioned way with just a spreadsheet:
Date / time
- Small / medium / large
- Bristol Scale
- color
- could also add odor or discomfort if you're worried about that
On a second spreadsheet in that workbook, keep a food diary, because that's gonna provide a LOT of context (and you might discover some ways to be nicer to your tummy).
They invented an internet poop camera and people actually buy it?!
The person who got this done is persuasive as fuck and should be in sales, not R&D.
Why does anyone even need a camera in their toilets?
From a dog's perspective that lives in an urban area, this makes perfect sense. Humans are fascinated with poop, collected in bags, and stored in the park bins. Why wouldn't they put cameras in their toilets?
Alright, I'll do it.
Why are we looking at this from a dogs perspective?
Because human experience alone is too dull for a being existing in a vast universe with trillions of stars. Slip on the metaphysical shoes of some other creature every now and then and marvel how utterly alien human existence actually is. And we're just one tiny wet rock, spinning around an unremarkable star, in an out of the way spiral arm of an unremarkable galaxy among an endless sea of pinpoints of light.
I disagree with all of what you said, but I like the way you think.
Carry on, but like a cat would.
🫡 Meow.
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