Ask Lemmy

I don't see that at all. Perhaps you are just projecting your own issues onto Lemmy at large. I think you need to have a good hard look at yourself and your internal biases and then come back and apologise to all of us.

Because it's often the correct response.

I haven't seen it, maybe you're the problem?

People seem to have an allergy to personal responsibility and taking initiative. Perhaps it IS their fault? Or at least, they're the people in the best position to fix things?

Applicable to the early days of any platform. The early adopters are those that are comfortable being away from the masses on popular alternatives. They are aware their comments and posts will get less views and engagement and therefore can be less restrained. They also need to be relatively tech literate since it's less user friendly than more established platforms.

The result is you get a certain type of person that is more willing to speak their mind rather than craft the most acceptable response.

Lemmy is still more reddit influenced than old emerging platforms, so we get more of a mix which creates differing expectations.

Not saying it's good or bad, but once a platform develops and attracts the general public, there's usually an outcry for the "old days".

If your referencing r/relationshipadvice you can just ignore anything you read on there because it certainly isn't advice.

It's toxic as fuck and the people commenting are probably incel chain-wanking 4chan fanatics who've never had a relationship

People think it always has to be someone's fault. It's easier to attribute bad outcomes to specific actions by an individual, rather than accept things often happen through mechanism out of your control.

Like mentioned already: Without any sample, it's hard to tell anything. Maybe those people were the problem or maybe the question wasn't clear? Maybe the commenter was the problem or maybe they did not understand shit about the OP question?

What I can say is that I seldom see anything looking like what you describe in my timeline, but I also carefully curate it to avoid most noise.

The lemmyverse isn't huge, but broad.

Unless you give some examples, people are probably going to respond based on what they saw somewhere else than where you were thinking of.

My best attempt at an answer is that lemmy has fewer long-term well behaving residents, so people coming from other platforms because they kept being banned for bad behavior or just kept not getting along, stick out more.

It's really hard to answer it without having a example to go by. Can you give any please?

A few things come to mind:

1. People don't seem to understand or care when a post is just to vent and the individual isn't looking for feedback. Some people have a really hard time not chiming in with their take.

2. It's a low effort reply that only requires a surface level understanding of the situation (and that might even be generous) so it's very tempting to people who are itching to chime in on everything.

3. Some people feel Very Smart when they make that comment because it means (in their view) that they are gifted at getting to the heart of the matter and seeing things as they truly are, without bias. There is also zero consequence to them being wrong about this.

4. Sometimes people get defensive when they see their own behaviors reflected through someone's vent post and it's now personal.

5. It's sometimes used as a general saying, like "You are the problem with this country nowadays", again the commenter feels real fucking smug about their pattern recognition skills.

I'm sure sometimes OP is the problem but I'm not sure it's possible to have enough information to make that kind of judgement.

I dunno, I used to see that all the time on reddit, generally in response to posts that all started with "I'm 18 and..."

Were they by a nurse who keeps moving wards, but the other nurses in every ward are assholes?

I think the niche nature of Lemmy attracts a large amount of ivory tower hipster types.

Can you provide an example? Or would that encourage brigading of sorts?

Because most people's problems are ultimate their own responsibility. Most of us can't change the circumstances around us, but we can change ourselves.

This is assuming the person wants to fix the issue. Many people... don't. Their misery is their identity. Personally I've had plenty of relationships in my life with people like that. I ended up leaving them, and they thought I was a selfish asshole for not fixing their issues for them, because they believed it was my job to 'adult' for them. And frankly, some people are happy to have relationships like that, where the other person is their 'child' they take care of.

Also it's very different if say you have a car accident. A random occurrence... than if you keep getting into car accidents. That's a pattern. I've had one car accident. But people who have many accidents... it's because they are bad drivers. I once dated a woman who has 6 car accidents in 5 years. She was a terrifyingly bad driver, but in her mind it was everyone else who was the bad drivers because they were 'in her way'. and when i drove she would scream at me for being 'a pussy' because I drove safely.

I've never seen a single one of these posts but then again I don't read

Because I'm the problem?

Same as most of the other commentors, this isn't something I've noticed. But that doesn't mean it doesn't happen, so it would be helpful to hear some examples. I feel like most of the time people here are pretty supportive / helpful, but maybe I've got a skewed perspective?

It's a common trait of young people, often young men. I used to be one, guilty of it myself. "You're the problem" stems from a lack of sympathy, because they haven't had many bad things happen to them, emotional nuance, because they're young, and lastly they're taught to be independent and "solely responsible for their situations." Therefore it's extremely frustrating for people like this to care about others because someone who needs care is antithetical to what they've been taught, and they're taking care of themselves so why can't you, weak person?

I want to emphasize that people like this are not bad people. They are probably kind and caring and everything people should be, but they can't stand people not taking care of themselves. They can learn, and I suspect most do when they get older.

In short - people being deliberate assholes and know they can pretty much get away with that.

You don't usually need to think deeper on that.

When I see this kind of thing I lean towards communication skills, emotional immaturity, and impulsivity enabled by just sitting behind a screen rather than being face-to-face with someone.

I’ve seen some Reddit-like behavior here, but thankfully not very much, and I personally don’t engage/respond.

Depends on the topic and what its about. Ive seen topics like that here. Any topic about covid vaccinations - only one opinion allowed (you must vaccinate for the good of all) or you are a piece of trash. :)

But most topics are not like that. Maybe politics, I dont follow that since its pointless.