Programmer Humor

"Ok, so what you can see in the logs?"

"Sweetcorn."

I can consider acceptable for the kettles to be connected to the internet if, and only if, they answer always with a 418 status code.

If it doesn't work well without the Internet, it's a bad investment. Features that require the Internet degrading a bit is one thing, but if a toilet or toaster can't do its basic job offline, it was ewaste the second it rolled off the factory line.

The difference between an IT person and a tech enthusiast

My sister's new apartment's front door has a "smart lock", hooked up to Ring, naturally. No keyhole, you open it with your phone. It also runs on batteries.

Do I really need to say any more? We were baffled.

EDIT: Correction - there IS a keyhole but the actual tenants don't have access to it. Only the property management. Creepy. :|

Making "smart" devices that can't do routine mundane things without an active internet connection is completely fucking stupid.

The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at and repair.

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I've put a few smart lights/switches/sensors/power points in at home. Definitely helps mum as we can have wireless switches for the lights, and motion sensors to turn the hallway lights on automatically as well.

For ALL of them, I make sure there is a manual control that will work as a backup regardless. Even if a smart light is "off" due to the motion sensor not detecting movement, all you need to do is turn the old regular light switch off then back on and the light will default to being back on.

Has nobody else pointed out this is clearly not real?

The fact that everything is controlled through "The Cloud" and some godforsaken subscription service is so terribly sad, funny, and horrifying at the same time. We've literally found every conceivable way to gather and sell people's data while simultaneously milking them out of every last cent with the whole FOMO mentality driven through every piece of hardware and software now sold. It is just absolutely fucking preposterous. We're living in a virtual hellscape that doesn't seem to be going away anytime soon.

Anything in my house smarter than the IKEA remote control light switch gets crushed with a hammer.

Well, shit.

Who buys a toilet you can only flush with an app??

I don't think any of these people know what "smart" is supposed to mean cause these must be the dumbest ideas for any product I've heard so far.

Sounds like the beginning of the Cory Doctorow novella “Unauthorized Bread.” Cloud service goes down and the main character’s toaster won’t work without them.

If one day there is only smart toilets, I will go shit in the woods and start to live like an animal. Clearly humanity was a mistake and we should return to monke

Why would you ever get a toilet that requires anything but the laws of physics to operate?

Okay, I get the idea of smart AC for example - be elsewhere, turn it on remotely so that it's comfortable when you get home. Fine. But a toilet? You are physically present there, you can push a button to flush. Or are you telling me that you're shitting remotely now too?

At least the tech director believes enough on their product to actually use it.

This is why I go the extra mile to keep iot out of my life. Especially in cars , which is getting hard, but I figure my future cars I'll likely retrofit something old. Newest I'll tolerate is 2014, with no touchscreen.

How the fuck can a faucet be smart? It's a valve! It turns one way, or it turns the other way! It is only slightly less dumb than the counter top!

And this is why KNX and Home Assistant are a good idea.

It's like the forcefields in the brig on Star Trek. Extremely stupid to not also have bars as a backup in case they fail.