Ask Lemmy

Neo-nazis kicked down my front door when I was around 19-20.

The underage sister of a friend was being trafficked by them and managed to escape. They came looking. Lucky for us, they showed up expecting, at most, a couple emo kids, but we just happened have a few guys over that were training for mma that night, which means they got the ever-living-fuck beat out of them and never came looking again. One of the mma guys punched a tooth out of one of their heads, got it gold plated and keeps it on a necklace now lol

I was riding my moose one day, when we almost got ran over by some dude in a ship

Was driving down the road with my wife and came to a stop light. We both witnessed a lone potato rolling down the street through the intersection at a pretty good clip. We both looked at each other, making sure we were seeing what we were seeing and busted out laughing.

I have absolutely no clue where it came from, and to this day remains one of the most random things I've seen and NOONE ever believes me when I mention it.

I almost ran over a moose with a ship

I once waited in line at a costume shop while two guys argued about whether getting hit by a ship voided the "no fault" deposit warranty on a moose costume.

Back when I was 17, I had a neighbor pull a gun right to my forehead. I shoved him away and said, in essence, "yeah, fuck you with your BB gun, I have some shopping to do". He shot another neighbor in the gut not long after. I avoided death by dumbfounding him in a way that sound like it comes right out a daydreaming teenage fantasy.

I was the victim of a drive-by ketchupping.

My mother regularly beat me, yelled at me and told me she wished I'd been aborted. Noone believed me because to outsiders she was the perfect housewive, always smiling, always friendly and happy. My friends and teachers only told me how lucky I was to have such a nice and caring mother and that I shouldn't tell lies about her.

Luckily, my husband believes me but he's never met her since I went no contact years ago. But while I was still living with my parents noone ever believed me.

I saw a guy dressed as a moose carrying another guy who looked stoned get almost run over by a ship.

I've had 7 car-deer collisions.

Went to an orgy and didn't have sex with anyone, on purpose. I did, however, play naked baby oil handcuff twister. Which was hilarious and painful.

I woke up one morning and found a skinned moose in my yard.

When I was 10, I went on a trip to Venezuela. At this restaurant in Caracas, I went into the bathroom. It was a single person bathroom. For some reason the door had slide locks on both sides. While I was in there, some kid locked the door from the outside (I could see through a narrow gap). It was a real door, not a stall door. I couldn't unlock it. I started panicking a little and kicking the door. Eventually a waiter let me out.

I'm still confused about why that door could be locked on the outside.

I'm not sure who believes and who doesn't, but I've been in more than 30 car collisions. I'm not sure exactly how many because I've lost track.

One was an offset head-on collision. I think the other driver fell asleep. He claimed I came into his lane and hit him, but the impact shattered the windshield washer fluid in my car, and destroyed the front-right tire. The impact left a puddle of fluid in the middle of my lane, and the rim of the front right wheel left grooves in the street leading from where my car stopped back to the point of impact.

I was sideswiped three times. All three were hit and runs. One of them was caught on my dash cam and I got my deductible back. The other two got away.

All the rest were rear-end collisions. It happened so many times that I started to think I must be doing something wrong, but I couldn't figure out what. Around that time I happened to look in the rear view mirror just before the impact to see the driver looking down at something on the passenger seat beside him.

Since then, I've understandably become very aware of what the drivers behind me are doing.

The last two times:

In late 2021 I was approaching an intersection and had a green light, but on the other side of the intersection was a school bus letting out kids. I stopped, and the jeep behind me hit me at full speed. My truck was totaled. I was knocked very briefly unconscious, but I was able to control the truck as I was pushed through the intersection and stopped.

Ironically, I had been thinking about trading in my truck for a new model. That day, on the drive home before the collision, I decided I wanted to keep it.

At the time, getting a replacement took months. I was getting to and from work driving the Civic that we bought for the kids to use. Two months after the truck was totaled I was in slow, stop-and-go traffic. Every time I had to stop, the car behind me would pull all the way up to within inches of my bumper. I wanted to scream at him. Of course, the person behind him hit him, and pushed him into me.

Luckily, that time it was slow, low speed impact. Easy damage to fix.

For the love of all that's holy, follow at a safe distance! Three seconds minimum between you and the car in front of you. And when you stop, stop far enough back to see where the tires on the car in front of you touch the street.

If you want to slipstream (aka, drafting), become a race car driver.

I got harassed by men by the gay bar outside my apartment multiple times in my early twenties, back when I was a guy. They were all pretty minor overall, but it definitely freaked me out at the time. I lived in an apartment complex above a gay bar in downtown. It was a shitty, cheap place where there was no washer or dryer in unit and no fan in the bathroom. Mold was a constant problem.

One time, I was informed I "swish so hard I bring three people with me", a quote that's stuck with me forever, and then a dude stood close by while another guy stroked my face. I had my dog with me so I didn't know what else to do and basically just ran.

Another time I was leaving the pizza shop also in this building complex, and a couple drunk guys out there struck up a conversation that quickly became my chest and crotch getting groped. Honestly less creepy than the face stroking, ngl.

I uh, transitioned since all of that happened though. And some random chick like me saying some drunk guys at the gay bar really wanted to grope me doesn't really carry much weight at this point.

Late in my high school career I got accosted by some dillweed in an empty hallway. I have no idea what his beef was, but what with my lifelong predilection for being an insufferable snarky asshole it's not tough to imagine pretty much anybody could potentially have a bee in their bonnet over something I said to them at some point, once they had a couple of days to ruminate over it and maybe look up some of the longer words. And for all anyone knew I was just some scrawny nerd who did calligraphy and played stupid card games. Easy pickings.

Anyway, this punk comes stampeding up to me while popping off at the mouth over how he's going to whoop my ass and I'm a bitch and this and that and the other thing. I figure I know what he's going to do. He's either going to do that braindead bully maneuver where he tries to crowd your personal space with his face 2" in front of yours while yelling and flapping his arms around behind and to the sides like a hysterial chicken, in which case I'm going to kick him smartly in the balls. That, or he's going to try to tackle me.

He tries to tackle me.

Since I saw this coming from a mile away I cut him off by grabbing him by the throat with one hand, roughly the belt with the other, used his own momentum to hoist him up onto one shoulder, and I swear upon my oath that I did a Shinkuu Nage on this motherfucker right over my head and threw him flat on his back onto the tile floor.

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Pose at the end and everything. I couldn't resist. No one witnessed this except him and me. I wish I had it on video. And that was the end of that. Curiously, after this it seems he had suddenly run out of things to say. He elected not to get up. I left him there and walked away.

I did a lot of unwisely flamboyant kung-fu shit on people in my younger years, often to only middling success. But this was perfect, and I will probably never pull it off again so long as I live.

I got a moose one hunting season and decided to butcher it myself. Finished skinning the thing (took hours) and it just disappeared, no clue where it ended up.

I don't get all the moose and ship references, but in my family we call this kind of thing a moose story.

Back when my uncle was like 7, in fairbanks alaska, he came home from school and said he saw a moose. That's nice, everyone agreed. And he walked right up to it. Oh did you? And punched it right in the nose. No, you didn't though, did you?

60+ years later he still maintains that happened.

i saw a boat almost hit a guy riding a moose

I have seen a ship and a moose.

This is tangentally related, if I ever meet a celeberty, and get the chance I would ask if they could take a photo of me, not with them in shot, but them taking the photo.

I just find it hillarious that I would have a random photo of me with a hidden history that could never be proven, and I believe that most celeberties would find it funny to do the reverse of what they normally have to do with fans.

I had a popular youtuber in my hotel room at one point at a convention recrntly but they were in a fursuit and I only recognized them by their voice. I promised them I would not say who they are but even if I said who it was I doubt people would believe it because they are not a furry youtuber.

edit: Someone guessed it but I'm not gonna confirm who.

Serious trigger warning

I used a saw to remove a dead men’s leg.

I got shot with an arrow but it hit my rib and bounced off. I'm sure my jacket also did some deflection too.

A friend thought he could land an arrow next to me to surprise me - Turns out he's a bad shot.

One day, I woke up in a moose body and some random crazy guy was trynna ride me.

Was buying Pokemon cards 14 or so years ago. Was trying to buy a specific booster pack, but for some resaon I felt "dissociated" while my hand grabbed a totally different pack. I was so confused as to why I didn't pick the booster I initially wanted... When I opened the pack outside the shop, I was surprised to see there was actually a super rare Lvl X holo card inside...

I saved someone's life in the back woods while backpacking.

We tried to cross a water crossing we should NOT have tried to cross, whitewater and way too fast. A few folks came down the other side of the trail and we eventually rigged our bear ropes into a hand hold across the river, maybe 40' wide. Took about 10min to cross and I almost got swept away. First one from their group to cross got stuck, lost her footing, and was holding onto the rope with like 3 fingers. I rushed out and grabbed her pack. Not sure how I got back there so quick but hauld her back up and helped the rest cross. When I got back to the other side my legs were cut TF up from the rocks.

I dont cross white water now.