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Lots of folks replying don't seem believe in self empathy.
That makes me sad.
Self empathy is the foundation of empathy toward others.
The golden rule - treat others as I want to be treated - only really became effective, for my friends, after I learned to treat myself well.
It's the reverse; I have to constantly remind myself to treat me like I treat others. I despise myself and have great empathy for others, self empathy might be the foundation of empathy towards others for you, but that's certainly not universal
I have to constantly remind myself to treat me like I treat others.
I do, as well.
I treat others. I despise myself and have great empathy for others
I said that to myself before, as well.
But I discovered my empathy for others became surprisingly more effective after I started an intentional practice of self-empathy.
but that's certainly not universal
Certainly. This is what worked for me, and my relationships.
The golden rule does not work. What if I like to be treated like shit? What if I like physical abuse because it gets me off? Does that mean I should treat others this way?
The golden rule does not work. What if I like to be treated like shit?
Agreed. But it is a good default place to we start.
The real skill is empathy - to understand how the other person wants to be treated.
My empathy for others became much more effective after I started practicing empathy for myself.
It was a bit eye opening, to me, to realize how much impact a practice of self-empathy made in my relationships.
Is self empathy distinct from self pity?
Absolutely.
Pity is when I wallow in how unfair everything is to me.
Empathy is when I realize I genuinely got dealt a shit hand, then give myself some time to recover, and then get on with life.
Self empathy is an oxymoron since empathy is about others by definition. As another said, emotional intelligence seems like a better fit.
In abstract, your former self is a different person. You have changed as a product of your environment and you will never again be that person you were in the past.
Emotional intelligence lacks any meaningful specificity and comes across to me as an insult, which is the antithesis of the intent of he post question. Semantics often lack substantive utility, especially within the subject of psychology.
Sorry for another waste of time thing to explore here on Lemmy. I always end up regretting and then deleting this type of good faith post.
What waste of time? Are we not just discussing here? Is that what you would've said to me if we were talking face to face?
I hate myself pretty hard
I will only really defend me if someone attacks me, does that makes sense?
As in, only I can call myself a loser. That's MY word.
I am a physical being. With machinery subject to the laws of physics. My inputs and outputs are constrained to a reality far more limited than the abstracted levels of dreams and imagination.
This is both the super power that allows me to move the world but also reality of the limits.
I am a social being. My ability to think part of shared expanse of a web of billions. I have exceptional sensors for this task but this also means other people also can have an immense effect on me as well. From close personal relationships, parasociol ones, with both real and imagined beings.
This helps me a lot. I need to eat, sleep, breathe, and perform other maintenance tasks. I need to aware of the social aspects of my life. Set boundaries, to communicate my needs and wants so they can respond accordingly, and adjust my own plans based on the new understanding they can give. I make many things I am very proud of, but there is no shame now that I can snap huge things into existence in an instance. It takes time and physical processes to happen and that's ok.
Yes. But being kind and understanding towards yourself is a skill you might have to practice, if you were treated badly. And sometimes that is really hard to do by ourselves, and it's okay to get help.
I think the difference between pity and understanding is - well understanding. E.G. I know I made a bad decision, but I was scared/tired etc. It was a bad move and I can try to do better in the future. It's okay, we all make mistakes. That is how we learn.
While pity looks like: OMG why did I do this? Why did this happen to me? It's so unfair. I was so tired/scared. How could someone put me in that position?!
Yeah, I absolutely have self empathy that is somewhat distinct from self pity. Though, that might be from being autistic considering I'm also the type to love to self deprecate myself by calling myself r*tarded and stupid in a joking and/or non-serious manner.
Perhaps self-directed compassion would be a better fitting term?
Empathy is about feeling what others feel, where compassion is usually associated with acts of showing kindness. As another commenter has mentioned, being reminded to be nice to yourself in a situation can be important.
Yes. When I refelct on the past me I feel certain ways towards myself. It may make feel sad because I was hurt, get angry because I feel like I was treated unjust or pround because I achieved a certain thing.
Why would I? He's never done anything for me.
I try. I find myself even harsher on my mistakes and less proud of my accomplishments given current politics and policy keeps me busier than I'd prefer, but I try my best to see what I do in a more positive light.
Small steps.
I do not. It's much easier to be generous towards others than myself.
Me and myself get empathetic with each other all the time.
present me is the chad and past me is the soykak
No I'm a useless piece of shit and I don't empathize with myself at all.
Nobody hates me quite like I do
Self care, value, love, respect yes. Empathy no, you have to have something to be empathic towards. Usually suffering and usually for another. I feel for people sometimes but I seldom even feel empathy for them. It is rare that the suffering people experience is not their own fault to ssomee degree, very rare
