this post was submitted on 14 Aug 2025
323 points (98.8% liked)

Greentext

6950 readers
1229 users here now

This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 
top 36 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] halvar@lemy.lol 96 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

fake: anon has any relationship with his dad whatsoever

gay: gay

[–] Whostosay@sh.itjust.works 13 points 5 hours ago

Thank God those are separated incidents, otherwise this would be both fake and gay.

[–] lessthanluigi@lemmy.sdf.org 72 points 8 hours ago (2 children)

Honestly, I think his dad is just a giant abusive piece of shit, who would just use any excuse to beat the shit out of his son.

[–] Lauchmelder@feddit.org 41 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

Interesting, I think this dad is completely imaginary, as is so often the case with greentexts

[–] tetris11@feddit.uk 18 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

Interesting, I think the father is an amalgamation of several real father responses summed into one

[–] Lauchmelder@feddit.org 6 points 5 hours ago

The amount of reality bending going on in greentexts is unimaginable, so we might all be right

[–] RedC@sh.itjust.works 11 points 5 hours ago

Hey, the jumper cables need to get some use

[–] daggermoon@lemmy.world 48 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

And his mom says nothing. Thanks for being a complicant piece of shit anon's mom.

[–] Aneb@lemmy.world 8 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

My mom went a step further and told me I would never be in a happy and fulfilling relationship if I choose to date men

[–] LH0ezVT@sh.itjust.works 10 points 1 hour ago

I can only assume she spoke from experience

[–] trk@aussie.zone 43 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

Time flies when you're a faggot

My sides

[–] RaivoKulli@sopuli.xyz 4 points 1 hour ago

It's such a stupid and nonsensical insult that I just love it

[–] Chivera@lemmy.world 36 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

Just have sex with your dad already. Remove the sexual tension.

[–] slaacaa@lemmy.world 1 points 10 minutes ago

Or at least a quick dadjob to help him release some tension

[–] Flax_vert@feddit.uk 30 points 6 hours ago* (last edited 6 hours ago)

Fake: anon spends time with his parents

Gay: time flies for anon

[–] 58008@lemmy.world 30 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

Homophobe father deserves a Nobel Prize if his proposed sexuality-based time dilation is reproducible under lab conditions.

[–] Cheradenine@sh.itjust.works 1 points 56 minutes ago

Can the world move to FST until drumph, poutine, and bibi are in hell? That would be sweet. We can change back after, or not, both are good.

[–] graycube@lemmy.world 23 points 5 hours ago

Go fishing until they are dead. Time will fly by.

[–] ddplf@szmer.info 22 points 7 hours ago (1 children)
[–] Whostosay@sh.itjust.works 15 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

Why would you say something so hateful and divisive?

Please dm me your current location so we can take our shirts off and kiss

[–] ddplf@szmer.info 6 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

Oh you loatful little egotistical brat, shut it with this DM thing.

Why shouldn't I just release this information right here, publically? You don't like sharing, do you now?

[–] Whostosay@sh.itjust.works 11 points 5 hours ago

This is very confusing, but also pretty enraging. We're not kissing with our shirts off right now and this. will. not. stand.

[–] mastod0n@lemmy.world 19 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

I'm not saying you should break your dad's nose but standing up to him like the kind of (toxic?) man he would accept would probably change his attitude.

[–] Saleh@feddit.org 15 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

What is he going to do? Call the cops and tell them he got roughed up by a f-word?

[–] Revan343@lemmy.ca 8 points 1 hour ago

I mean yes, that's exactly what the fucking coward would do

[–] lobut@lemmy.ca 16 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

According to the right-wing, "oh what, you wanna outlaw comedy now? it's just a joke you snowflake!"

If you're not offended by the father's comments, just change the offending word to whatever you are. If you think nothing's wrong with it, it could be worth learning why

I got picked on a lot as a kid. What it did was make me hyper sensitive to other people's insecurities. I would see you and think: weight, race, bad at school, has a crush on X. I'd memorize it and put it in my back pocket and just dig at someone when they'd take a shot at me. It was a horribly daunting way to live because you're never really enjoying the moment.

[–] TexasDrunk@lemmy.world 3 points 1 hour ago* (last edited 1 hour ago) (1 children)

If it had been a joke the father could have said something like "Time flies when you're a fairy".

I know that wasn't your point, but your first line made me realize that. It's still fucked up, but if you have a good relationship and know what the person is ok with that could absolutely be mistaken for a bad joke. Instead he just said something idiotic.

I don't participate (feels kind of gross), but I've seen people joke with each other using slurs about the other. But I'm not the language police I'm not going to tell people what they can and can't say. This wasn't even something that could accidentally be mistaken as a joke. This was just someone looking for a way to respond with a slur.

[–] lobut@lemmy.ca 2 points 38 minutes ago

I agree with the banter with others. I do it with my friends. The thing is this ... it has to go both ways and if they can't jab back I usually give them a smile/hug and make sure they know I'm being a jerk. Like, they should be smiling after I take a jab at them.

[–] magnetosphere@fedia.io 14 points 1 hour ago

I love how asshole parents assume their health will always be okay, and they’ll never need any kind of home care or a place to live. BURNING BRIDGES IS MORE IMPORTANT!

[–] glorkon@lemmy.world 13 points 1 hour ago* (last edited 1 hour ago)

If you're in a situation like anon, get out of there as soon as you can. Always remember these moments. When your dad gets old and needs your help, tell him "only f*****s need their sons to do stuff for them".

[–] Zomg@piefed.world 9 points 4 hours ago

Start fishing, dad will be dead in no time.

[–] JimVanDeventer@lemmy.world 4 points 48 minutes ago

“Good one, dad! Hey, would you mind just standing at the top of these stairs real quick?”

Posts suck when anon is a faggot

[–] Hudell@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 1 hour ago

Go fishing but come back with a full bucket of fish within an hour.

[–] blackstampede@sh.itjust.works 1 points 23 minutes ago

I haven't been called a faggot before, but when I've been insulted in this sort of casual, out-of-nowhere way, I've found that responding with "go fuck yourself" in a calm tone of voice and then continuing my conversation to be effective.

[–] Chakravanti@monero.town 0 points 3 hours ago

"...and you're a whole life older than I. Want me to tell mom?"