Ask Lemmy

Ignore and donate to a local shelter and/or kitchen. Do not encourage street harassment. I know it sucks and I know a lot of people are hurting. But community aid should not be divided based on who is the loudest, most aggressive, or most "convincingly in need" based on appearance. (If someone is hungry or thirsty by all means hook up the people in need in your community, never hurts to share food and water)

In the northeastern U.S. I've mostly learned to acknowledge them, don't give anything, and move on with my life.

Not sure if it's bad luck or what, but nearly every time I've tried to be nice and offer them something it always backfires. I'll be passing by with some food and they'll ask me for some, I give them some and then they tell me it wasn't enough and to give them all the food I was carrying. Like WTF?

Another time I actually had some change on me so I gave him some and he said it wasn't enough money and started following me, wanted me to go to an ATM so I can take out more money for him. I was forced to tell him to stop following me or I'd have to call the cops.

I have even more stories like that.. going through those motions repeatedly it feels like the homeless have taught me not to give to the homeless. But hopefully your experiences have better outcomes.

I wonder if the people saying they give money every time live in major cities (and walk often).

If I gave a quarter to everyone who asked me for change, I'd be out over $200 per year. Double that if they're still going to ask me on my way back (which is likely).

Some of them would also be rolling their eyes at a quarter. Some panhandlers can even become aggressive if they don't like what they get.

I'm not going to say that these people are going to waste the money on drugs, though some will (and I don't care what they do with the money, really). But I'd rather...

• Donate that money to food banks and other causes
• Not carry around unnecessary change
• Not risk pulling out my wallet in the city (in case I forget to keep the change handy)
• And NOT turn city sidewalks into tolled walkways for people who can't afford a car

As for what I do? I do the hand thing and apologize. I make eye contact (or at least look their way). If they ask again, I tell them I don't have anything. There's no reason to feel shame for not giving. Like someone else said, it's a numbers game.

If there are regulars and people who are genuinely down on their luck, then (if you have the time and willingness), you could talk to them, and maybe offer to buy them food or something.

Of course, there's always the chance that they'll bring the food back and ask for a refund. But hey, they would've used your $20 the same way.

I say "sorry not today" or something similar but also offer food if I have it. I've usually got a Clif bar or something. Also nice to have emergency blankets for winter hand outs.

Edit: just remember they are people too. Regardless of their current situation. Some might have mental health issues, others maybe substance abuse problems, some might just be down on their luck and unable to find work. Treat them with the respect you would want if you were in their shoes.

My wife & I were going into a restaurant one afternoon, and there was a man in a wheelchair with no legs below the knee sitting next door at the exit to Walmart. His sign said that he was a homeless vet. As we started in, I told my wife to hold on, and I ran over and gave him $20. When I got back, my wife said, "Did you just give that guy 20 bucks?" I said, "Yep, why?" She said, "You know he's just going to spend it on alcohol." I said, "I hope so, the guy ain't got no legs, let him have a good drink!"

If I don’t want to give them money, I just say “sorry I don’t have any cash.” Easy Peasy.

Homeless people endure constant hardship, abuse and dehumanising behaviour. I might not give money, but I'm careful to avoid dehumanising them.

1. You can carry around smaller denominations if you do want to give something.

2. If they're close to a convenience store then I offer to go in and buy something for them (tell them a budget and ask about and preferences or restrictions).

3. If I'm not going to give anything, I still make eye contact, try to have a sympathetic smile on my face and say something like "I'm sorry, do take care". I don't know if this is dumb or patronising, but I'm trying to avoid being dehumanising as the constant response they get is for people to avoid eye contact, walk around with a wide gap or ignore completely. I want to try to at least acknowledge and respond.

I just apologize and move on, never had a bad experience. I do feel bad afterwards, but I'm from LATAM and it's basically a 50/50 wether you get ripped off or not, so I'm not risking it.

My standard is to say something like "I don't have any cash to share, good luck to you though." I work in homeless services and know a ton of folks who survive on panhandling. In my area, people have no problem finding food, there are a ton of social service orgs and churches that provide food daily.

The following is not a judgment and is a generalization that is far from universal. This is just a description of what I commonly observe. The unfortunate reality is that much of the money people get from panhandling goes to purchasing cigarettes, alcohol, meth, K2, crack, and/or fentanyl. For this reason I avoid giving people money directly.

You don't need to explain yourself to anyone, and if you feel bad for not giving someone money because you feel the inequality, consider donating your time or money to organizations in your area that are doing the work to help people gain employment or housing, meet their basic needs, or treat their physical or mental health needs.

I made it a personal rule that if I have a $5, it goes to whoever asks. I don't seek people out, but if it's asked, and I have that five dollar bill with me, it's theirs.

I ask them to come inside the store and I’ll buy them some food.

If they decline, oh well. If they agree, I happily pay for some food for them.

Some of these encounters have broke my heart, others have just reiterated what most people assume when it comes to these things.

Panhandling is a numbers game - both parties know this and it’s okay to say no.

If I were to go back to walking into work and dealing with it daily then I’d have my headphones on and would be ignoring.

I tell them the truth, I don't have any cash on me.

On the rare ocassion i do, I'll give $10 - $20. Because I've been on the position where $20 is the difference between eating today or not, and it's terrifying.

If I have cash, I'll give it. I don't give a shit whether they're being honest or not. My generosity is not tempered by the dishonesty of others.

Have to pretend they're not there. It's awful. But I don't think that if I give them a few quid they'll turn their life around

I prefer to donate to food banks

20s? Someone recently told me "my dad taught me to always carry some change with me, other people need it more than me" and now I'm doing it too. There really isn't any other way to act if you pride yourself on your humanity, anything else is rationalizing selfishness. And I often hear the "they're just gonna use it for booze/drugs!!!" line as if it meant anything. Sure, they might, but even if you're a strict teetotaler (and if you're in any Western country odds are you're not, lol), what else would they do? Have you ever slept on a cold floor while hungry? People kill themselves/complain about life and they have beds, meals, narcotics and internet connections, nvm all sorts of legal drugs to help them cope with everything (something like 15 percent of women in the US are on antidepressants, according to the CDC...). Life is hard sometimes, perhaps they also need to disconnect a bit, idk.

Give when you can, don't rationalize it when you can't. We're all collectively responsible for the playground God made for us and everything/one in it, but you're also just one man/woman. Maybe they'll turn their lives around, maybe your grain of sand will help them reach that point.

i actually give to those who do not ask

like a lady in the subway, visibly mentally challenged with all her belongings, drawing and ~~striking~~ words in her notepad. she made me sad, so i gave her a bill when leaving the train. her face became lightened when she saw it, she said thank you and I left

sometimes I leave at where they sleep like under pillow next to head

If I can spare it, I share it. I used to be homeless myself and would never have gotten out of that without help. It seems to me I have an obligation to pass that on.

It's not tough.

Look them in the eyes like a human being and say "sorry dude, not today".

Alternatively just carry small amounts of cash to give to them.

Another alternative is asking them if they would like some food instead.

No matter what you do, keep in mind you are very likely a small step away from homelessness yourself.

This isn’t the best approach necessarily, but it’s a feel-good thing: If they’re intercepting me as I go to a store, I refuse to give money, but offer to buy them something to eat inside (or whatever else they need). I hold to those promises and they’re generally grateful.

I also sometimes give money if someone isn’t actively accosting about it. It’s down to what I can afford, too.

When I was younger a person who I admired said:

"I always carry some extra money in my wallet for when someone needy asks. It's not my place to decide if this person needs help or not. Maybe they will use the money for drugs, maybe they need the money for clothes for their children. When I die and get to the pearly gates, I don't want to find out that I had the opportunity to help someone who needed help and I didn't help them because I assumed they would spend the money on drugs. Maybe they will spend the money on drugs, but that's not for me to know right now."

I thought that was some of the most noble shit my early 20's ass had ever heard.

Fast-forward a few years to me and my new wife honeymooning in...San Francisco. My noble naive ass brought a wallet full of cash with me so I could help people in need. Nothing terrible happened, but I soon ran out of cash and we decided to start handing out food. NOBODY WANTED THE FOOD. They just wanted the money. I would offer food, and they would just say "do you have any money?"

Anyway, nowadays I just say "sorry bro, I don't carry cash".

If I have money, I give it to them if they aren't raising any danger flags. Like there's one woman who just screams "I'M HUNGRY" at people, and I'm sure that's true, but I don't engage with her because it feels unsafe. There's one whose name I learned, and another couple we recognize each other now.

I used to make good money (low six figures). Giving away $20/week to people asking for it wasn't even noticeable in my budget. I could probably have done $200/week without noticing. I think my peers are just bad at budgeting though.

I've been unemployed for a while now, so I don't always have cash to give. I tell them the truth.

I don't expect people who have nothing to give a lot. But I know many of my six figure salary peers could give without even noticing the money, and they don't. They don't give to charity, either. They just buy video games they don't play, run the AC so they have to wear a hoodie inside, and so on.

I don't usually have cash so I say "sorry I don't have any" and move on. I also volunteer my time with various local orgs so I don't feel bad

I don't carry cash, so that's an easy answer.

simple answer: if I have any I can afford to give, I give it. Sometimes I have not had any and in various cases taken someone out for a meal or given them a meal from my plate. but mostly just money.

If I am not in a position to give i look the person in the eye, smile apologetically and say, “no, sorry.” I try not to ignore them and i am never rude. No one has ever reacted badly.

Absolutely ignore them. I will forever vote and say we need to house them and feed them, idgaf. But give them handouts from my poor ass, directly? Hellll no. Negative reinforcement through omission. Begging is not the way. I would rather them rob places and start murdering politicians. This is an entire society problem, not a me problem.

And before anybody calls me selfish, no - it's an issue of ability over scale. I can kill myself to absolutely help and try to fix one person, but it would cost me so, so much. And just like in a zombie game, if there's only one zombie, you can melee or whatever. But if there's a horde, you fix that shit with bigger guns or bring the crew.

What that means is, I'm not rich enough to fight zombies, so I'm walking away. And homeless people can ask me all they want, and I absolutely hold the social right to ignore them like any other person out there begging me to donate to their patreon or watch their ads or whatever they need in society to survive.

Fix the fucking system. Sorry, not sorry, but, capitalism, as it is right now, is not the way.

Where I live, there isn’t much walking, but the homeless stand at intersections and hold signs and look at you while you wait on the light to change.

My wife, who is a much better person than I, will keep $5 McDonald’s gift cards in her vehicle and sometimes hand those out. She says that there is a McDonald’s within walking distance of almost anywhere in town, and that $5 is enough to get a couple of things off the value menu and a free cup of water. If they’re really homeless and hungry, at least they will have something to eat.

If you can afford it, you can ask if you can buy them a coffee and inexpensive meal. Remember declinations of specific food items doesn't mean they're conning. Maybe they're allergic or can't eat/drink particular things for reasons.

At home: Nothing. Genuine homelessness isn't really a problem. There's this joke that we have a government programme called "winter" that takes care of this. Truth is, there are actual government programmes in place that takes care of this as well - It is written in law that anyone who cannot afford a place to stay, as well as basic necessities will have this covered.

Abroad: When not in what causes fox news talking heads to clutch their pearls over socialist hellscape societies (Norway), I'm a lot more giving. Plus, I usually carry some currency that I will no longer need once I leave. I especially remember the happy outcry of a beggar I walked past while visiting this developing country. I was on my way to pick up some supplies the last day before heading for home. Repeated "Bless you!"-s once he realized that the stack of leftover cash included quite a few 20$ bills.

In short, he obviously needed them more than I, so I gave what I could.

Oh, and if it counts, I often give to buskers as some of them are actually pretty good.

My grandmother who raised me always did the "I don't have any money on me" thing. And I always followed suit until pretty recently. But I got to thinking more about it and eventually concluded that I should always keep a $20 or two in my pocket ready to give.

And then the pandemic came along and I didn't go out much. And now I work from home full time and don't often go anywhere that I'm likely to run into folks asking for money. But I have put that into practice a few times and felt good about it.

There was a woman with a sign standing outside the post office. I ignored her on the way in with the intention of giving her a $20 on the way out. And I made good on that intention. It was scary, but only because I'm kindof an agoraphobe. Heh.

I do have the means to go handing out $20s willy-nilly. And of course with how infrequently I'm likely to pass folks asking for money out in the world, the rate at which I give is tiny. But I do give when that situation comes up.

I'm not saying you should give $20s out to folks. But if your financial situation is stable, I'd say you should give what you can in those situations.

And the fact that these thoughts/questions/concerns are rattling around in your mind are probably a sign of personal growth, so good on you for that.

I donate to a charity that I know will help (they've helped family members in the past), Shelter, but I genuinely say to those who ask me around my town that I have no change

If I have cash, I'll give $5 or $10. Sometimes I don't have cash, and I'll just say that. Sometimes I have a spare smoke or soda or whatever and I'll offer one of those instead. I have a union job and few expenses, so I'm in a position to be generous.

I tell them I'm homeless myself and wish them good luck.

I’ve struggled with this like you for years. My empathy fights with my practicality.

I usually carry some cash and if I have small bills I may give a buck or two to someone. This is more and more rare for me because it’s hard to know who really needs it.

More often, I usually just smile and look them in the eye to acknowledge their humanity. If they ask I just say I’m sorry I don’t have cash.

I feed them, get them any medical care they need and help them get into section 8 housing.

And then they introduce me to their friends to do the same for them.

Or they were just trying to play on people’s sympathy for money and avoid me like the plague.

I don't carry cash on me. I'm mostly not lying. It's rare that I have any. I use my phone for 99% of my daily purchases.