this post was submitted on 05 Aug 2025

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108

We too often minimize the sacrifices parents make for us (lemmy.world)

submitted 1 day ago by Mickey7@lemmy.world to c/lemmyshitpost@lemmy.world

22 comments fedilink hide all child comments

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[–] tacosanonymous@mander.xyz 11 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I think my problem is that my parents never made any.

[+] realitista@lemmus.org -19 points 1 day ago (3 children)

Unless they put you up for adoption or sent you to live with relatives, the fact that you are still alive disproves this point.

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 22 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Doing the legally mandated minimum isn't a sacrifice.

[+] realitista@lemmus.org -7 points 1 day ago (3 children)

Try being a parent and get back to me. There isn't a parent in the world that doesn't make sacrifices. Even bad ones do. There's no way to raise a kid without time and money and loss of sleep. Even if you do a bad job.

[–] Ciderpunk@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I think you’re conflating the concept of an opportunity cost with a sacrifice. There is a lot of joy in parenting, and not getting to hang out with friends because you have to take care of your child isn’t a sacrifice, it’s the cost of having a child. Not every single thing you give up is a sacrifice.

[–] realitista@lemmus.org 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Yes I suppose you could apply that to anything and say sacrifice doesn't exist for anything. But since we are discussing it, I don't think we are in the mindspace you are proposing.

[–] Ciderpunk@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Nah, sacrifice in regards to your children is absolutely a mindset thing. You can cognitively restructure your thinking in this case.

If you look at your children and think “wow, I’m not getting anything out of this” I can promise you that your children feel this and will become very distant to you when they grow older. They know when you just think they’re a burden.

[–] realitista@lemmus.org 2 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

This is true for any sort of sacrifice. Volunteering, saving people from burning buildings, giving your last dollar to someone more in need.

To be clear, I look at my children in the way you describe. I don't hold "my sacrifices" over their heads, it was a decision I made happily and don't regret. Same as when I donate money, help someone on the street, etc. But IMO just because it's a decision (even made happily) doesn't mean it's not a sacrifice at the same time.

[–] criss_cross@lemmy.world 4 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

I’ll engage honestly with this for a sec.

Yes, parenting is hard work. I have kids myself. It’s not easy and can be rather thankless at times.

I think what people are downvoting/getting upset with you about is that there’s a lot of parents who take the above and say “you owe me XYZ. Do you know how much I sacrificed for you !?!” My family did this to me. It’s heartbreaking when they pull this card and you’re just trying to get them to…well just not be shitty towards you and your family.

You kinda opt-in to the thanklessness a bit. Which renders the “owing” argument moot.

[–] realitista@lemmus.org 1 points 14 hours ago

Yes I understand this is coming from people who feel (probably rightly) that their parents weren't good parents and didn't do enough for them, and which may have said the things you mention.

But even taking all of that as true, those parents, as bad as they may have been, still made sacrifices for their kids. I agree that this is a horrible thing to hang over their heads, but it doesn't make it untrue either.

I also agree you are signing up for this usually thankless job and should be ready for that. But that also doesn't negate the fact that you are making some sacrifices to be a parent.

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 3 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

I literally have two kids, one autistic.

Doing the bare minimum isn't a sacrifice. It's an expectation.

To me, a sacrifice is something you choose to do for someone else. Not the minimum you do to avoid prison for child endangerment.

[–] realitista@lemmus.org 1 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

It's an expectation and a sacrifice. By having kids you made the choice to make some sacrifices.

In the definition of sacrifice there is no provision for how much you wanted to make said sacrifice or what the motivation was. Simply that you gave one thing up for another thing you found more important.

sacrifice /săk′rə-fīs″/ noun The act of giving up something highly valued for the sake of something else considered to have a greater value or claim. "Social activism often involves tremendous sacrifice."

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 1 points 19 hours ago

If I put a gun to someone's head to donate to charity, was that a sacrifice or a theft?

[–] callouscomic@lemmy.zip 16 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Ah yes. Just like my parents say. They put a roof over my head, therefore I should shut the fuck up about all the abuse and other neglect.

Please mom & dad, quote that verse to me again about how the bad child should be fucking killed.

[–] realitista@lemmus.org -3 points 1 day ago

Being a good parent and making sacrifices are not the same. It's impossible to be a parent without making sacrifices. It's possible to make said sacrifices and still be a bad parent.

[–] howsetheraven@lemmy.world 1 points 17 hours ago

Oh really? Only those 2 things and nothing else? You lack critical thinking, empathy, imagination, and much more in between.

[–] Veedem@lemmy.world 9 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

While everyone else can argue about what level of sacrifice constitutes an actual sacrifice, I want to point something out:

The dad isn’t sacrificing anything in this image. He’s simply helping his son across lol.

[–] Allonzee@lemmy.world 3 points 19 hours ago

"Dad why do you take pills?"

I have crippling neck pain.

"why?"

I'll tell you when you're older.

[–] s@piefed.world 4 points 20 hours ago

My parents sacrificed the world economy, rule of law, and a breathable environment for me #blessed

[–] zr0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

Sacrificing means giving up something valued for the sake of something else. Nothing is of value to me except my kids. In that sense, I don’t have to sacrifice anything.

[–] PlaidBaron@lemmy.world 2 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

Other things have value for me. Its just that nothing in my life is more valuable to me than my child.

[–] zr0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 20 hours ago

I see. My interpretation might have been wrong. Things can be of different value, from low to high. What I was trying to say was, that it does not feel like a sacrifice to me, since I am not losing that much, and I gain a lot, by investing time and money into my kids.