this post was submitted on 10 Jul 2025
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No Stupid Questions

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If someone wants to give up dating due to their looks, age or genetics (that includes mental state) that's a totally valid reason if you ask me. As long as it doesn't translate to misogyny no one will get hurt. However a lot of people seem to be ticked off by this idea, why?

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[–] KoboldCoterie@pawb.social 50 points 21 hours ago* (last edited 21 hours ago) (1 children)

The term black pill, first popularized in the 2010s on the incel blog Omega Virgin Revolt, refers to accepting the futility of fighting against a feminist system. Blackpilled incels are encouraged to either commit suicide or “go ER”/be a “hERo,” referencing Elliot Rodger’s 2014 Isla Vista murder spree that has been called an act of misogynistic terrorism.

(Source: Britannica)

[–] etchinghillside@reddthat.com 29 points 20 hours ago (3 children)

Can I just dislike anyone that uses colored pill references.

[–] TribblesBestFriend@startrek.website 15 points 19 hours ago* (last edited 19 hours ago)

Yes because you’ve take the pill pill

[–] spankmonkey@lemmy.world 14 points 17 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago)

The polite phrasing is pills of color

[–] throwawaycardboard@piefed.world -4 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

Well technically 'black' isn't a colour...

[–] prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 1 hour ago* (last edited 1 hour ago)

Dunno how old you are, but this is how children reply to this kind of thing. Just an fyi

[–] Lemvi@lemmy.sdf.org 29 points 20 hours ago

From my understanding, the "black pill community" is highly misogynistic and promotes self harm and mass violence / terrorism. I don't think anyone would care if it was just a bunch of guys deciding they didn't wanna date.

[–] Nemo@slrpnk.net 28 points 20 hours ago

There's no ideology described as being "pilled" that's anything but toxic.

[–] FeelzGoodMan420@eviltoast.org 24 points 21 hours ago* (last edited 21 hours ago) (2 children)

Huh? I've literally never once heard anyone criticize people who choose to be single or asexual. What are you talking about? You gotta go outside and touch grass man. Get off the Internet for a while.

[–] TriflingToad@sh.itjust.works -2 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

there's a TON of hate/distrust for asexual people. "you are just ugly" "you just haven't met the right person" "why are you celebrating that you don't have sex? that's weird" etc.

[–] partial_accumen@lemmy.world 4 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

there’s a TON of hate/distrust for asexual people. “you are just ugly” “you just haven’t met the right person” “why are you celebrating that you don’t have sex? that’s weird” etc.

What kind of conversations are you having with people that would respond like this where they're learning about how much sex or not-sex you're having?

[–] TriflingToad@sh.itjust.works 1 points 4 hours ago (1 children)
[–] partial_accumen@lemmy.world 1 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

If you're posting on the internet in a broadcast form (just as Instagram) about deeply intimate details of your life, you should not generally expect heartfelt nuanced discussion. You're going to get short attention span pithy responses (as your example shows) or harsh reactionary responses from fringe minority positions (also as your example shows).

Those are internet responses. Those are not representative of real life. This is what the prior poster was telling you.

[–] TriflingToad@sh.itjust.works 1 points 33 minutes ago

I've heard these in real life too, I just can't show proof of that

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 19 points 18 hours ago* (last edited 18 hours ago) (1 children)

I've only heard it used by and applied to incels who are only trying to twist the narrative of why they can't get laid. They aren't choosing to not date, they are just lying to themselves that they have chosen to be alone, when in reality they are just undateable asshats.

Aromantic and asexual people don't need to delude themselves into why they don't date. They might go the other way, tho, due to social pressure to be "normal." (IE deluding themselves that they NEED to date)

[–] TriflingToad@sh.itjust.works 8 points 15 hours ago

I think this is it. The difference between having a 'type' (normal) and being 'black-pilled' (weird) is the misogyny.

[–] makeshiftreaper@lemmy.world 15 points 21 hours ago

Do incels have some core complaints with validity? Yeah, online dating has been designed specifically to make the majority of people using it feel bad. There are genuine problems that men face in society that women don't and they don't get support for. However you can't pick and choose the members of your ideology, only your choice to share it with them

The ultimate problem is that red/blue/black pill ideology is all rooted in the manosphere and incel culture. By utilizing their terminology you are associating yourself with a group of misogynists, racists, and terrorists

Which is to say someone who says "my MS makes my life difficult enough as is, so I choose not to struggle with dating on top of it" is different from "I've been blackpilled because these Stacys won't consider dating below 8.5/10s"

There're other points to be made with regards to being "too ugly to date", why people dislike non-traditional sexualities, and modern dating culture. However, I'd bet if you went into the real world and talked to real people about specific struggles leading to deciding to no longer date without a bunch of internet words you would see a lot more support

[–] zxqwas@lemmy.world 7 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

It does not sound like a happy bunch to hang around. Is that what you aspire to have as a part of your identity?

[–] throwawaycardboard@piefed.world -3 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

Is that what you aspire to have as a part of your identity?

Well it makes no difference whether you do or don't. That's the point of taking the black pill.

[–] zxqwas@lemmy.world 1 points 8 hours ago

If you don't date because you are ugly/mental/whatever and thus black pilled then that is a part of your identity. Instead you spend all the time playing games.

If you don't date because you put zero effort into your looks because you're busy playing video games then games becomes a part of your identity.

You're doing exactly the same thing but your choice is what emotional baggage comes with the crowd you choose to identify with. That in turn will influence you and your own mental well being over the decades.

[–] Today@lemmy.world 6 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

I've never heard that term. I get that some people choose not to date, but don't most people just live- go to work, grocery, social events, etc.- and talk to the people around them? I don't really see someone saying, "hey, if that nice girl talks to me I'm going to ignore her."

[–] throwawaycardboard@piefed.world -5 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

Once you have been around enough rejections you will know it's better not to feed those emotions.

[–] adespoton@lemmy.ca 5 points 13 hours ago

I wholeheartedly agree.

There are better emotions to feed, and they don’t tend to result in rejection.

“Black pill” is a different thing from not dating.

I never dated, just spent time with people who shared my interests. Eventually, I and one of the people who I shared interests with realized that we were often doing so exclusive of other people.

We essentially went from just living our lives to everyone seeing us as a couple, eventually us included.

Pursuing dating for the emotional high will let you down every time. Being real about who you are and what drives you, and learning to have healthy give and take relationships that don’t involve unrealistic expectations means you’ll end up with a more fulfilling life.

[–] Fleur_@aussie.zone 6 points 11 hours ago

People who say they take the black pill haven't actually taken it yet