this post was submitted on 09 Jul 2025
257 points (98.1% liked)

Not The Onion

17147 readers
2463 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

(sorry for the Daily Mail link).

top 49 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Chainweasel@lemmy.world 143 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (5 children)

If he stole all of the right shoes, that means everything's left.
And if everything's left, did he take anything?

[–] jewbacca117@lemmy.world 60 points 1 day ago

He seems like an all right guy

[–] ThePantser@sh.itjust.works 18 points 1 day ago

If the shoe don't fit you must acquit.

[–] tigeruppercut@lemmy.zip 12 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

There's plenty left: all the wrong ones.

Seems pretty sinister of him...

[–] MeThisGuy@feddit.nl 2 points 13 hours ago

I dunno, I have 2 left feet so win win for me.

[–] W3dd1e@lemmy.zip 6 points 1 day ago

(☞゚ヮ゚)☞

[–] Postingllamas@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

You looking for a job as his attorney?

[–] Fuck_u_spez_@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 day ago

Prosecutors hate this one weird trick!

[–] TheImpressiveX@lemmy.today 45 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] MegaUltraChicken@lemmy.world 19 points 1 day ago (2 children)

To be fair, stealing all the right sided shoes from a shoe store just to irritate Barry Allen is absolutely something Thawne would come up with.

[–] bradorsomething@ttrpg.network 3 points 23 hours ago

This sounds like leftist propaganda.

[–] Jailbrick3d@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

also could be the plot of a Phineas and Ferb episode.

BEHOLD, MY RIGHT FOOT SHOE STEAL INATOR

[–] Redacted@lemmy.world 31 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Bet the store owner was hopping mad.

[–] Illogicalbit@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago

There must be something wrong with this man’s sole.

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago (2 children)

That joke was already made in the article.

[–] Redacted@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago

I didn't read it as it's the Daily Heil.

[–] not_woody_shaw@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago

There's an article?

[–] Monument@lemmy.sdf.org 30 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)
[–] MummifiedClient5000@feddit.dk 19 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I wish that I could say that it isn't right, but.....

[–] boydster@sh.itjust.works 25 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

In fact, it seems it was all right

[–] ThePantser@sh.itjust.works 13 points 1 day ago

If you only take what is right then you will never be wrong.

[–] Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works 12 points 1 day ago

In B4 someone blames the Left

[–] slaacaa@lemmy.world 10 points 22 hours ago (1 children)
[–] Hawk@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 10 hours ago

He must've been desperate, he's got nothing left

[–] DirigibleProtein@aussie.zone 10 points 1 day ago (1 children)

If it’s wrong to take the right shoes, then would it be it right to take the left shoes?

[–] x00z@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

It would be right to take the wrong shoes.

[–] MeThisGuy@feddit.nl 1 points 13 hours ago

three wrongs don't make a right. but three lefts do

[–] Lucidlethargy@sh.itjust.works 8 points 20 hours ago (1 children)
[–] ksigley@lemmy.world 1 points 4 hours ago
[–] BubblyRomeo@kbin.earth 8 points 1 day ago

He's too far into the far-right spectrum!

[–] Blumpkinhead@lemmy.world 8 points 12 hours ago

I can appreciate this kind of mayhem.

[–] FilthyShrooms@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago

What are you gonna do, chase him? With only your left shoe?? This guy's smart

[–] mrfriki@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago

A righteous man, I see.

[–] FuglyDuck@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago (2 children)

….why? Was it just the display shoe or something?

There’s an old myth about a shipment of playing cards. The guy buys a whole container of playing cards, but removes the same card from all packs. The shipment is confiscated and later sold for almost nothing because the packs are all incomplete. He then buys the shipment and restores the packs. All this was cheaper than paying import duties.

Maybe this guy is playing a long game.

[–] huppakee@feddit.nl 3 points 1 day ago

I wondered too and bravely ventured onto the dailymail website when the comments left me hanging. Your hunch was right, the only this i can add is that he walked out

seemingly unaware that they were not matching pairs

[–] TheTechnician27@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

I'm just saying, renaming your store to "53 Shoes" after this would be really funny.

[–] MeThisGuy@feddit.nl 3 points 13 hours ago (2 children)

who steals a shoe(s)? honestly!

[–] NeuralNomad@lemmy.cafe 3 points 1 day ago
[–] AllNewTypeFace@leminal.space 2 points 1 day ago

There was an old wacky-crooks story about a one-legged man who kept getting arrested stealing display shoes from shops when they matched his remaining leg.

[–] BeNotAfraid@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

What did he do with the wrong ones?

[–] modus@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Probably gonna sell them on onefoottwoshoes.com

[–] BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

My guess is he has a new romantic interest who is one legged that he's trying to impress.

[–] Vandals_handle@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago

Is her name Peg?

[–] Draegur@lemmy.zip 2 points 1 day ago

Invite a lot of really bad dancers to buy all the left shoes for cheap

[–] riskable@programming.dev 1 points 1 day ago

These shoes will claim they're victims of a crime and they're right!