Oh gods Thank you for this I haven't laughed this hard in a while!
this post was submitted on 19 Jun 2025
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You should look up reviews for the Haribo sugar-free gummy bears.
And watch the video of that one dude with the perpetually backwards cap eating a full bag of them 😆
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I just missed my flight. I was stressed and upset. This greentext.....holy shit. I'm in tears laughing. Thanks!
Eat a diverse diet with lots of green vegetables. The fiber is good for you.
Eats sawdust every day, dies from impacted colon
Don't forget plenty of water.
Instructions unclear. Tried to eat water.
That will get you insoluable fiber. Fruits and other veggies have soluable fiber.
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Bro forgot to drink more water too
you don't necessarily have to trink water, I eat mostly soup and am just fine because of this, even without drinking water
You know you're just drinking spicy water when eating soup, right?
no I'm not drinking, I'm eating
you... chew... soup?
Oh boy, I can't wait to get the coast and drink some chowder
Water based cooking wins again.
Soup might do the trick, but stuff like coca cola definitely doesn't.
People say that a terrible diet will make you die earlier and that doesn't scare anybody. They should be telling that before dying there will be several years where you'll need to use your hands to scoop the shit out of your ass.
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I was literally in tears while reading this holy shit. It makes me think of the sugar free gummy bear story 😭
What story is that?
Haribo released some sugar free gummy bears, and apparently the artificial sweetener they used to make them wreaks havoc on most people’s digestion. The Amazon listing was filled with reviews graphically detailing the effects.
I think this is the most famous.
They have apparently changed the recipe since then.
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Apparently some artificial sweeteners can act as a laxative. So effectively, those gummy bears were strong laxatives, leading to anybody who eats one to have to spend a long time on the toilet.
The artificial sweetener in question is maltitol.
Also, under no circumstances should you ever use it to make jello shots and give them to your asshole neighbor for the party they're about to host
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Or the amazon rebiew feom the guy who tired to use some hair removal cream on his balls and ended up on the kitchen floor in agony, shoving frozen brussel sprouts covered in ice cream up his ass and moaning from the relief while his daughter and wife watched it horror.
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Fiber is great, but in general, going from low to high fiber too quickly can do all kinds of gastrointestinal trouble, your microbiome has to adjust - and fiber supplements especially, if taken not as instructed, can indeed cause more severe complications like blockage.
If you don't poop for several days even though you are eating, that needs to be looked at. Anon got lucky it resolved on its own with a nice story to tell.
If you don't poop for several days even though you are eating, that needs to be looked at
Had an injury and needed some baby morphine pills. The side effects was notable and the pain of even just a full day was incredible. There's no way I could go 4 days with a hospital right across the street.
You can in America. Going to the hospital for constipation would be a few thousand dollars minimum.
Really? I always joke about the us health system not being free and being expensive but I thought it was expensive only for things like surgery
When I broke and dislocated my arm a few years ago, four months' worth of hospital visits drained my bank account, over $2,000 gone. It was also draining hundreds from my brother's account, and then the week before Christmas I got hit with a bill for over three thousand dollars to cover the rest of the services rendered, due Christmas eve.
The services that were rendered included having my arm eyeballed by a doctor a few times, two xrays, and that's it. Nothing for the pain ("Just mix ibuprofen and Tylenol"), nothing to rehabilitate the strength I lost in that arm, just some dick in a coat poking my arm and charging me hundreds for the opportunity.
Had I not gone to the hospital, I wouldn't have been left penniless. Combine that with my severe anxiety disorder and now I feel fight-or-flight fear responses any time I have to spend more than $100 on something.
Oh yeah, then a few months after that a friend of mine elsewhere in the country fell ill. He didn't think it was major enough to warrant hospital fees, especially since he was uninsured and made little money. About a week later his condition suddenly went critical, and the next evening his sister informed me that he was dead in the hospital. Leukemia. I'd still be talking to him if it weren't for the American wealthcare system.
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An ambulance ride you didnt even want can run you thousands of dollars.
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This is one of my favorite greentexts ever
'my guts are yelling in German' lmao
Gondor calls for aid
These two lines caused a laughter which almost depleted my oxygen.
Moose in heat living in my belly.
What the Shakespearean green text is this..
Fake: anon tried to lose weight
Gay: anon had his ass destroyed by fiber
Had a similar experience when I ate fiber cereal as a kid, it was only one day of constipation though. I remember thinking I hadn't pooped and that was weird, I woke up the next day, brushed my teeth and as I walked out of the bathroom I felt something DROP and went "OH GOD!" and ran back in and barely made it to the toilet. I was late for school that day.
Fiber teaches us lessons in moderation. I've been backed up by its overabundance and I've been backed up by its absence.
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this was a glorious greentext to behold
How to pass the 3 day no poop challenge! And then some.
I literally have to take metamucil daily to not shit liquid multiple times daily. It is baaaaad. But when my stomach has been super irritated for a while because I haven't been keeping up with it that first properly fibered shit feels like a kitchen sponge running all the way through me. I feel so clean afterwards. I'm convinced it's the only real "cleanse."
Well some weight was lost, at least
@sh.itjust.works Yes it does, whether you want it to or not
Nearly shat myself laughing
DRINK MORE WATEEEEER!!
Dude, just have oatmeal for breakfast and eat whatever the rest of the time.
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