I'm not sure whether I want this to be read by GLADOS or Cave Johnson. Both would deliver the hell out of these lines.
this post was submitted on 02 Jun 2025
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It was Cave Johnson for me.
I just read it twice, with both, in my head.
Cave Johnson was funnier.
I read it as GLaDOS first and got a little smile, then went back and reread it as Cave Johnson and laughed.
For Cave, the signoff would be:
I'm Cave Johnson, don't @ me.
Initially I thought Cave Johnson, but the enumeration in the first paragraph seems more of a GLaDOS thing. The rest could go either way. If on the other hand, the enumeration was phrased without "the following regions:", it would be more Cave Johnson.
The enumerations would work if he's reading it as a press release, probably uncomfortably, and with a few asides to an off-screen character about how he doesn't like it
With irritated paper-shuffling noises.
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emergency testing initiative voice from the start of P2, just for the maximum level of unpersonness
JK Simmons would do this press release proud.
I think specifically Portal 1 GLADOS.
I prefer the robotic announcer with the fake uplifting, soulless tone.
I'm a little surprised nobody thinks of that
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Corporations supporting pride are canaries in the coalmine. When they stop chirping, you know something is wrong.
Besides, I don't like cynicism. Yeah, most big corps don't give a fuck. And this is what this meme is about. But regular gays work everywhere, and support does make a difference in those places
Absolutely - rainbow capitalism can be a problem, and actively attacking that rainbow capitalism from a place of bigotry-in-power can be a far bigger problem. Visibility and representation matter.
Exactly. I fucking hate rainbow capitalism, but it's disturbing to see how in the last few years I've seen less and less rainbow logos and flags.
Exactly. I fucking hate rainbow capitalism, but it’s disturbing to see how in the last few years I’ve seen less and less rainbow logos and flags.
Well, if the homophobes hate it, and the LGBT people constantly post "I SEE THROUGH YOUR BULLSHIT" why should they bother anymore?
When LGBT people say, "I SEE THROUGH YOUR BULLSHIT", we're not saying please do even less. We're saying, "please back up your superficial displays with real, meaningful support". Do more, not less!
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Jesus, it is the company in Portal. It is a satire
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Can hear Cave Johnson saying that, it's missing an off script line after "your favourite colour of gay"
Cave Johnson standing away from the mic: what do you mean the colour gay? Gays not a colour! It's a rainbow, it's all the colours! Who wrote this script? I want them fired, fire them now!
“And then, there will be cake.”
There was cake, just not for you.
Lol, this dude didn't find the cake, everyone point and laugh at them!
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*parts of North America
Most accurate depiction of corpo pride month attitude.
Same thing happens at Christmas.
Much more pronounced too. It goes way beyond a few posters and flags. Xmas songs, trees,food etc. It's on everything all over the place. Pride needs to really up its game to get up to Xmas level.
The Safeway here puts up Xmas decorations in September, so does math we’re going to have to start in February…
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Some conservative is gonna see this and start a "Boycot Aperture Science" campaign.
We've both said a lot of things that you're going to regret.
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I saw this or something similar a few years ago.
It's outdated today. Aperture is a defense contractor that wouldn't risk upsetting trump.
Ok but is that voice GLADOS or Cave Johnson?
in my head it was the other robotic voice. I think it was used in both portal 1 and 2
Definitely Cave Johnson. The tone is disregarding and corporate, GLaDOS would have been insulting and condescending.
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Yeah and now that certain companies run the risk of getting flattened into the ground by Trump, only those companies that actually gave a shit continue to support Pride.
only those companies that actually gave a shit continue to support Pride.
By which you mean only those companies that believe appearing to give a shit will be more profitable than sucking Trump's dick continue to support Pride.
Isn't that's company in Portal (video game)?
Yes.
Yes, a company that heavily satirizes American capitalism.
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I'll do my own pandering thank you. With a collection of clear virtue signals, a rigorous purity filter and a crew of fanatical moderators.
You never play Portal?
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He didn't say "Chariots!", so we know it was a Cave Johnson from an alternate universe.
I will be so happy for you guys once this gains widespread acceptance
Is it just people having unrealistic expectations of what a corporation can do?
How can such an entity have empathy, its like expecting a computer algorithm to have empathy. Pure fewelishness.
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