this post was submitted on 21 May 2025
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[–] Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 191 points 1 day ago (3 children)

Ah damn it's one of those single-use knives.

[–] sirico@feddit.uk 50 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Cross contamination there's a girl there you'll get girl germs

[–] Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 16 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Not if they get me germs first

[–] SkyezOpen@lemmy.world 11 points 1 day ago

Thank you for your service and sacrifice, brave little Hitachi wand.

[–] taiyang@lemmy.world 29 points 1 day ago (2 children)

That's why you get the knife subscription plan.

Yeah fuck buying things for life - I am now buying things for death

Don't give them any more ideas.

[–] semperverus@lemmy.world 28 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Only if you didn't bring extra knife ammo

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[–] waigl@lemmy.world 109 points 1 day ago (5 children)

Non-murder solution:

Place and hold the apples precisely on top of one another. (Make sure your fingers are not in the way.) From one side of the apple tower, go horizontally exactly two thirds of the way to the other side. At that position, cut vertically through both apples from top to bottom. You now have two pieces that are two thirds of an apple each, and two pieces that are one third each. The kid you like best will receive the end slices without the apple core in it.

More realistically, disregard the stupid premise and make as many cuts as you need.

[–] FireRetardant@lemmy.world 46 points 1 day ago (3 children)

The knife looks long enough you could probably cut 1/3 of each apple while they are placed side by side, which might be easier and safer to cut than stacking the apples.

[–] errer@lemmy.world 12 points 1 day ago

That seems more possible than turning the knife 90 degrees mid-cut

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[–] user224@lemmy.sdf.org 19 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Take both apples and attach them to a drill. Position the knife on apples so that it starts slicing a long slice as they rotate and run the drill. You'll end up with a long piece of 2 apples and 2 cores. Keep the long peels, give each core to each one of those peasants.

[–] WolfLink@sh.itjust.works 5 points 19 hours ago

Apple’s aren’t square so it’s not so easy to figure out where to cut that will give you a 1/3 - 2/3 split.

If the knife is long enough, you could simply line the apples up and do that.

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[–] fargeol@lemmy.world 81 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] anas@lemmy.world 31 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

Luigi says [ Removed by Reddit ]

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[–] iAvicenna@lemmy.world 68 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

I will be the cpt obv

1/3 1/3

<=======]==o

2/3 2/3

[–] idunnololz@lemmy.world 12 points 19 hours ago (6 children)

Ok but like how do you know it's 1/3 of the apple without any other tools.

[–] blarth@thelemmy.club 13 points 16 hours ago (7 children)

Let’s not go too deep on this alright

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[–] ghen@sh.itjust.works 10 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

Cut first, choose last. It's as fair as you can get when eyeballing it

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[–] JackbyDev@programming.dev 8 points 10 hours ago (4 children)

What's funny is that you've actually stumbled onto an entire problem that's studied quite heavily. I remembered a Numberphile video about this. The problem is called "envy-free cake splitting". It's pretty straightforward. A split is envy-free if no one believes someone else got more than them. For three people this was figured out in 1960 and you can read about it here. It has been solved for N participants as well and you can read about the general problem here.

For two people, it's obvious. One splits and one chooses. The first person is incentivized to make it even because they don't know which they'll get.

I was going to give a summary of the process for three people but it's too much to explain succinctly. Just check the article I posted lol.

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[–] dwindling7373@feddit.it 48 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (2 children)

What I find particoularly annoying and interesting, is that most of those "silly/dumb" social network questions are engineered with at least 2, sometimes more layers, for the purpose of getting a reaction not really from the "dumb people" but also, possibly mostly, from the smartass that can't help point out something they think they noticed, incongruity and the likes, unaware that those are there on purpose to bait them in.

This case is a lot more blatant, possibly fake, but the "controversial" interpretation of stabbing one of the children is not an afterthoughts of the sick mind of us memers terminally online, it's probably the core reason the thing has been shared and worded that way.

I just hope my own reaction has not been 100% predicted.

[–] octopus_ink@slrpnk.net 9 points 1 day ago (1 children)

With no snark intended I'm pretty sure thatsthejoke.jpg.

[–] TimewornTraveler@lemm.ee 11 points 1 day ago (1 children)

no. the meme was created to make you think of stabbing people, with engagement bait paired in. op adds the awkward puppet meme, as if it's a novel idea, but thatsthejoke.xls

the above commenter is pointing out how this kind of engagement just falls for the engagement bait, and describes the type of person who would do so

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[–] PoPoP@lemm.ee 43 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 15 hours ago) (6 children)

Line em up and cut a third off both apples in one go? Everyone gets 2/3? Seems simple right? Consider the core. I don't think it's possible if you consider the core. You have to kill one of your friends.

You have to kill one of your friends.

You have to kill one of your friends.

Choose which one of your friends to kill.

Reach for the knife before someone else does.

You have to kill one of your friends.

[–] NocturnalEngineer@lemmy.world 7 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

Or you could sacrifice yourself, you murderous bastard.

[–] PoPoP@lemm.ee 8 points 11 hours ago

But then I would be dead.

[–] Maxxie@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 13 hours ago* (last edited 13 hours ago) (1 children)

Rotate each apple 90 degrees so that core is parallel to the ground and perpendicular to the knife, now its split equally

If more than one person hates the stem part then yea it's murder time

[–] aeshna_cyanea@lemm.ee 5 points 12 hours ago (2 children)

The core isn't evenly distributed along the axis though, it's like a small thingy in the center. Definitely murder time

[–] Arrkk@lemmy.world 5 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

This is actually the sandwich problem, which states there is exactly one slice that will split a sandwich of 3 elements into exactly 2 halves regardless of the shape or position of those elements. We don't need the full proof, but the problem is continuous, so any desired ratio is possible, therefore you will always be able to slice an apple into exactly 1/3 and 2/3rds "good bits", so a single slice will always be able to do the job.

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[–] Omnipitaph@reddthat.com 24 points 22 hours ago (2 children)

If you have one guy draw the knife over a long surface and distance, the other two can use that one slicing motion to cut the apples any number of times.

ONE STROKE, 99 cuts!

[–] Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world 17 points 21 hours ago

ONE STROKE, 99 cuts!

Like shaving with an old razor blade.

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[–] CyberEgg@discuss.tchncs.de 22 points 1 day ago

That's socialist propaganda! You see, you cut both apples in half with one cut, everyone gets half an apple and the remaining half is given to someone who struggles affording life.

(/s)

[–] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 20 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

My solution is cut both apples in half, and take two halves, because I am more equal than others.

[–] therealjcdenton@lemmy.zip 7 points 11 hours ago

Some animals are more equal than others...

[–] daggermoon@lemmy.world 14 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] prettybunnys@sh.itjust.works 6 points 22 hours ago (1 children)

If your stroke is good enough you don’t have to share the two apples with anyone.

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[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 14 points 1 day ago

Bold of you to assume I'm not going to go Voorhees on both of them, have an apple as desert and save the second apple for later.

Obviously, I'm not going to eat the other two people. Without cooking them. And with the apple cores, I can make a lovely sauce to go with

[–] LordOfLocksley@lemmy.world 11 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (9 children)

I guess the answer they are going for is slice the apples straight through, horizontally, 1/3 the way up from the bottom, so you have 2/3, 1/3, 2/3, and 1/3 apple portions. Then you give 1 person the 2 1/3 portions, and the other 2 get one of the 2/3 portions each.

But we all know the actual answer people are thinking of

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[–] humanspiral@lemmy.ca 10 points 4 hours ago (2 children)

shouldn't be that hard, but I understand that 94% can't do it.

line up the apples, a line that will cut the first apple into 2/3 vs 1/3 will also cut the next apple in same proportion. 1 person gets the 2 sliced 1/3s

[–] tetris11@feddit.uk 12 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

Stack the apples on top of each other, and proceed to do a single spiral cut down from the top stem, out towards the edge, and then back to the center in a single fluid motion. It won't solve the problem, but it'll look damn cool

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[–] scheep@lemmy.world 10 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

Cut both apples in half. One half for the blonde, one half for brownie, one half for the ginger, and the last half for the animals or something.

[–] bestboyfriendintheworld@sh.itjust.works 8 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

Last half for the painter of this picture.

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[–] SabinStargem@lemmy.today 8 points 15 hours ago

Just eat out the apples together, ignoring the knife. Just take a bite and pass the apple to the next person, repeating the process until there is just a core. Not very sanitary, but mission accomplished.

[–] Gladaed@feddit.org 6 points 1 day ago (3 children)

This is impossible as the apples aren't homogeneous. Otherwise: have one person slide each apple across the knife until they feel their side is fair. The slice and pick. This does not work here as there are more than two people.

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[–] Smoogs@lemmy.world 6 points 6 hours ago

Because the 6% are psychopaths capable of murder. I thought it was closer to 3% of the population though

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