I don't think I wanna know
this post was submitted on 12 Mar 2025
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Ceasefire Violation?
He died doing what he loved!
Silently hunted down by a mysterious lone wolf.
The fucking Russians, of course.
The US actually does invade, and I die in some kind of defensive gambit where they take more casualties than us.
Unfortunately, that's a vibe killer now, because it doesn't feel totally impossible and we still like each other. Sorry.
Raptured by the One True Dog
Furiously stroking my willy.
A detective stands over my lifeless body, Detective Salvitore is panting for air, desperate to catch up to her partner and mount the hill. She reaches the crest covered in sweat, vision blurring but enthused at the grim sight before Detective Glassgow.
Salvitore fumbles for her radio, wheezing a shaky "We... we... I... found-" before Glassgow cuts her off.
"Save it Sal, I already told them we found the vegan."
Boiled alive
I'm already gone...
Derogatory slur
Wrong place wrong time during a controlled demolition
I'll leave it to you, reader, to guess the "where" it is cast
Whatever it is, it's going to be the subject of several YouTube documentaries.
Idk, i wouldn't see it coming
exit 0
Bridge collapse
Well... I can tell you who didn't do it.
Yes, please. 52 years old, and dying after one super night.
Ouch...
Dunno
Mine's pretty open-ended.
I'm going to go with gassing in a concentration camp for opposing the fascists.
History repeats itself.
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It will be a hell of a party!
By Japanese sword thrust
In a squeezer
Hey, somebody left some perfectly good Swiss on this block of wood. How convenient, don’t mind if I d….*
Burned at the stake, hanged, crushed, or drowned. Plenty of options.
At least I would know what was coming, three would come before me.
Nihilistic fruit
Well, I'd guess I'd go out the way I'd always knew I would; mauled while getting blown by a bear 🤤
Jaywalking.
A very large child does something in such a way that I would die.
Some catty wampas, likely.
Too much taco bell
Guess I run into traffic, yelling and waving at the taxi that just deliberately passed me by. Then I get hit by a truck.
Mind control cereal
Oh, no, Timmy fell down the well again!
Chopped into several large pieces. But it will be awesome.
A daring suicide rescue mission where I manually hold the button on some space nuke to save the day.
Well I'm named for a fictional character I wrote about. so presumably she comes to life and for some reason tries to kill me
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