this post was submitted on 27 Apr 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Be me.
I've started sitting down to pee because it's cleaner.
Stand up after I've finished peeing.
Pull up pants.
Turn around to flush.
There is poop in the toilet.
I forgot that this time I had sat down to poop.

top 16 comments
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[–] bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.de 31 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Some people clean their ass standing up. Some people clean their ass sitting down. And both groups don't know the other exists.

[–] killeronthecorner@lemmy.world 17 points 2 days ago

Hilarious question to ask at dinner parties with the right kind of crowd. It's incredible watching people find out that their spouse stands.

Also, standers: represent!

[–] wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world 16 points 2 days ago (1 children)

And some apparently don't clean their ass at all

[–] adarza@lemmy.ca 9 points 2 days ago (4 children)

and then there's the filthy-rich who may have a designated 'butt washer' on the payroll.

[–] over_clox@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago

You spelled butt licker wrong.

[–] wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago

So that's where that kink comes from...

[–] EarthShipTechIntern@lemm.ee 1 points 2 days ago

Or people that spent $20 for a bidet

[–] GlenRambo@jlai.lu 1 points 2 days ago

The third group does both.

[–] over_clox@lemmy.world 23 points 2 days ago

Good advice, I'm always standing at the urinal when I forget and shit myself 💩

I sit down when I pee
There's nothing that crazy about me
I'm just takin a whiz
Mind your own biz
Why's everybody always staring at me?

[–] hemko@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Been there done that. Nowadays I always wipe if I don't quite remember if I pooped or not

[–] PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 3 points 2 days ago

Normally I do even if I know I didn't poop.
But for some inexplicable reason that day I decided to skip a step

[–] thatradomguy@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] tenchiken@lemmy.dbzer0.com 0 points 2 days ago

The downside of sitting down is having to stretch to get your balls under those noisy damned dryers after... I need to get a little life preserver for the guys so they don't get hypothermia while I'm busy.