What the actual fuck is this, please tell me this wasn't written by a sentient being?
this post was submitted on 20 Dec 2025
89 points (95.9% liked)
Lemmy Shitpost
36149 readers
4157 users here now
Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.
Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!
Rules:
1. Be Respectful
Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.
Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.
...
2. No Illegal Content
Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.
That means:
-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals
-No CSA content or Revenge Porn
-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)
...
3. No Spam
Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.
-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.
-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.
-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers
-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.
...
4. No Porn/Explicit
Content
-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.
-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.
...
5. No Enciting Harassment,
Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts
-Do not Brigade other Communities
-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.
-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.
-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.
...
6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.
-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.
-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.
...
If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.
Also check out:
Partnered Communities:
1.Memes
10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)
Reach out to
All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
CHEMOMMY
Found a new nickname for my wife
WTF..
This is book 2 in a published series.
Link to book one?
The Brightest Light of Sunshine
Determined to walk away from a traumatic past, 22-year-old Grace Allen feels ready to take the next step in her healing journey—dipping a toe into the dating pool. Although she should probably start by making a friend or two, right?
Samuel ‘Cal’ Callaghan isn’t who she had envisioned as her first male friend in… well, forever. With an intimidating build, tattoos everywhere, eight years her senior, and a little sister under his care, the last thing she expected was to warm up to him so easily. As their friendship evolves, Grace can’t help but wonder if Cal is exactly who she’s been looking for all this time.
Cal can’t afford to lose sight of his priorities—making sure his tattoo parlor thrives and taking care of his little sister. Especially the latter. He wants to make sure 4-year-old Maddie has a healthy and happy childhood, despite their mother going off the rails and her father’s blatant neglect. There’s certainly no room for love in his life right now. But when a sweet blonde with a veiled past breaks down his walls, he finds it difficult to stick to his guns.
Reading that was so painful
What a terrible day to know how to read.
I barely understand any of it, but that makes it even more beautiful.
Craziest theragun ad placement I've ever seen
I don't understand what is happening.
I'm not sure the writer does either.
Shakespeare wishes he could write a master piece like this.
I don't think psilocybin would remediate this.
You would have to be a masochist to use a Theragun on your ladybits.
My first question is what's a Theragun? My other questions are about everything else that's happening...
It's a muscle massager. It vibrates violently to
To... what? Oh no, I think the Theragun got them!
"cocks theragun"
Literary warcrime, please tell the Hague.
i've seen this screenshot before. the moment i read "ballet injuries", i braced myself
This reads like a The Other End comic.
[Transcript]
"I think you've healed my ballet injuries enough for one day," Maddie giggled, smirking. "But I do have one teeny-weeny wittle wound that could use a pounding from your Theragun," she teased.
As their lips were about to meet, the physical therapy office door slammed open. There stood Maddie's father, looking furious. "What the hell is this?"
"Dad, it's not what it looks like," Maddie stammered, her cheeks burning as bright pink as her tutu.
James stood protectively in front of Maddie, his posture tense. "We were just-"
"I know what you are..." Mr. Stevens hissed. He slammed James against the Stairmaster "Balleraggot”
James hadn't heard that word in years. He was brought right back to PT academy, to the hate he had faced simply because of who he couldn't help but love. As his head hit the top step of the Stairmaster, he heard all the other familiar slurs, too: nutcracker, chasse chaser, plié-wad, and even tutu-fucker. He collapsed to the ground.
"And you..." He turned to his daughter, who'd broken into tears.
"Don't think for one fucking second that we didn't know. That's right, your mother knew, may she rest in peace. All those years at performing arts high school... any normal daughter would've healed from the occasional sprain. Imagine the shame you brought onto your chemotherapy mother when she had to explain to the Rotary Club why her daughter spent her entire senior year in PT. Throwing herself at every new physical therapist. Imagine the tears in your chemommy's eyes when we heard you in your bedroom, firing, up your Theragun for the fifth time on one of her last nights with us.”
"Leave your daughter alone, " James bellowed, tears streaming down his face as he slowly stood up.
"She's hardly my daughter now," Mr. Simmons laughed derisively.
"Make me.”
"Oh, I will." James cocked his Theragun.