Sub beats wrap
this post was submitted on 06 Nov 2025
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The man who was hit with the sandwich was CBP agent Gregory Lairmore, who told the jury earlier this week that the sandwich “kind of exploded all over my uniform” and “smelled of onions and mustard”, according to the Washington Post. The defense pushed back, as it appeared in imagery from the scene that the sandwich did not leave its wrapper.
LOL, how is this not The Onion?
Anyway, it'd be nice to be able to sue the shit out of those responsible for wasting this guy's time, reinstall him in his job, and give him all back pay.
Now sue them for $.
Or politicians need to be forced to vote to remove this immunity BS. We need to push for that and the removal of citizens United.
I was just wondering if he could sue for malicious prosecution.
... and can the police officer who LIED (perjured himself) when saying the sandwich "exploded all over" be privately charged if the court won't do it themselves?
Who knows but if he does they should bar the agent and lawyer that brought up the charges from ever bringing charges again on anybody.
He probably can't. Absurd as it may sound, he was actually guilty.
Here are model jury instructions for the charge, which include:
There is a forcible assault when one person intentionally strikes another
It doesn't say that the victim must be struck with something very likely to injure them. Looking at the statute, it turns out that actual physical contact (rather than making a threat without contact) elevates it to a felony - the charge a grand jury previously rejected.
Of course, prosecutors normally apply common sense to charging decisions and don't prosecute everything that technically qualifies under the strictest reading of a statute.
It took 3 grand juries to even be able to bring the case, it was always going to end in acquittal. Sure, it's technically assault, but nobody was going to convict for that.
This was charged as a misdemeanor. No grand jury this time.
I'm on the protestor's side here, but in general, it probably ought to be illegal to throw sandwiches at people. Some jurisdictions have a separate offense of harassment for offensive or even merely nonconsensual intentional physical contact that presents no risk of injury.
I'd have voted not guilty if I was on that jury, but guilty for the same conduct under different circumstances, such as throwing food at a fast food worker over a customer service issue.
He threw it in self defense
Did he literally throw a sandwich? Yes.
Is he guilty of forcible assault by throwing the sandwich? No.
If doing a thing was the same as guilt there wouldn't be a trial.
I don’t mean to be a pedant here, but he’s not actually guilty. The jury decided that.
No, he sues for damages. Time lost, mental anguish, etc
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That man's a hero.
I see what you did there
That hero is a hero
He’s a gyro.
I'm glad DC juries aren't putting up with Trump and Bondi's fascist shit
The random sample survey of 604 D.C. residents was taken between August 14 and 17 shortly after Trump signed the executive order. It indicates some 65 percent of residents do not believe the presence of FBI agents and uniformed National Guard troops from an increasing number of states makes the city safer.
Eight of 10 residents surveyed oppose Trump’s executive order to federalize law enforcement in the city. Seven in 10 oppose it “strongly.”
I'm not sure why they thought a DC jury would ever convict, given that even a DC grand jury (which hears only the prosecutor's side) didn't indict.
The grand jury didn't really have any choice: it was a turkey sandwich, and they only indict ham.
I am happy they didn’t find him guilty of assault with a deli weapon.
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"This, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, is about a sandwich" and after the federal agent claimed to have been smeared with mustard and onions, the defense showed a picture of the sandwich - still completely in its wrapper.
"If the wrapper is still fit, you must acquit!"
I was kind of hoping the defence would produce a receipt that confirmed it was a BLT without onions, hence proving the agent committed perjury.
Wait, so the cop didn't even actually get mustard and onions on him?
That was from the hamberders he ate for lunch
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I'm glad, that was ridiculous af. I hope he never lives it down. Like that absurd acorn cop.
That said, please try not to throw edible food at people. If you gotta weaponize food, at least try to use stuff that is no longer edible.
Edit: I'm not being literal. I get it that food in bad state could be considered "toxic". I thought of making a clarification but I didn't want to make a disclaimer every single time I comment. 🤣 Ended up having to do it anyway.
I just think throwing edible food is not good. All the resources, work, time put into producing it, plus the fact that people go hungry every day... Idk. There's other stuff to throw.
In Toronto we had officer bubbles, a cop telling protester blowing bubbles “if any of those bubbles touch me it’s assault on an officer” dude was a national joke
Dear god, i've been assaulted thousands of times and didn't even know it!
This is my metoo moment!
Or use canned food.
Expired or clearly inedible, right?
Not sure that's a good idea. The cops will label it biological weaponry assisted terrorism or some shit.
Probably. Ideally, people shouldn't be giving them excuses. But if people are already at the point of throwing stuff, it shouldn't be edible food, in my opinion. Not when others are going hungry.
Hope he's rethinking applying to law school. That's going to be one hell of a character & fitness story to explain...
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I wish in cases like these, the jury could sanction the prosecution, like not guilty, and we revoke your right to practice law for 90 days for being such fucking idiots and harming the accused, and wasting our fucking time.
Also just further on this... think of how many frivilious law suits could be prevented with that. Don't let the jury block them for a year, and maybe keep a harsher thing like 90 days for state/feds, but imagine if someone hires a lawyer to sue someone for something absolutely ridiculous, and they knew they would risk not being able to practice law for a week if they offend the jury for how stupid it was.
For civil suits, some states have something called anti-SLAP (?) laws, which try to do something similar by allowing the defendant to sue the plaintiff.
I still think just giving the jury some of that power on the spot would be better, now you're doing yet another lawsuit, and the lawyer isn't at risk if it's the defendent suing the plaintiff and you still gotta have the Jury rule on that when they could have just ruled on it on the spot the first time.
It's nice to know there is some recourse though.
Man frowns at MAGA.
Republicans: he assaulted me! Lock him up!
I revel in the fact that the cop is going to get roasted for this through out his career. We should start emailing quality puns to the department so they don't run out of fodder too quick.
*toasted
Please share the email address
On the one hand, arresting a man for throwing a sandwich is fucking stupid.
On the other hand, if people start throwing harmless things at armed state security forces, eventually state security forces will mistake a thrown object for a weapon and kill somebody. And since we don't want that to happen, it's good to discourage people from throwing harmless things at armed state security forces.
And on the gripping hand, this man was arrested, spent time in jail, lost his job, and has had to pay a lot of money to some expensive lawyers and endure months of fear and uncertainty before being found not guilty, and that's enough of a punishment to make an example of him and deter a lot of other people from emulating him. So even without a conviction, state security achieved their goal.
I think throwing a wrapped onion and mustard sandwich is now a meme and therefore protected under free expression.
They get to throw stun grenades and shoot priests, we get the sandwich thing.
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Can you imagine a lunchroom food fight if this had been considered assault?
This is preposterous! It's a dangerous ruling! If this is truly how it's going to go, then people will start buying subs and throwing them at ice thugs every da......
I withdraw my comment and give back the rest of my time.
Of assault... but what about the pepper?
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