No Stupid Questions

Resentment is usually a feeling which has little to do with ethics.

Actions are more easily analyzed for ethical value.

I guess that you're considering the action of showing resentment by being absent or cold to them.

From a utilitarian perspective this could serve the purpose of communicating your resentment indirectly which may increase the overall good by preventing this scizsm from infiltrating other parts of your life and others. On the other hand this outcome is not guaranteed.

If you apply value ethics of your actions it really depends on what ideals you hold yourself to.

If you take a completely honest person as your ideal, direct communication is probably more ethical than indirect communication, but indirect communication would still be superior to deceiving them into thinking you agree with them in any way.

Instead, you may idealize an honest pacifist who would value indirect communication higher than direct if direct would also come with conflict.

These are my thoughts, I am by no means an expert in ethics.

I would make myself scarce and hard to find

Depends on how much you value your wife.

I should preface everything I'm about to say by saying there is probably a reason you are married and I am not, and that my response is probably wrong.

I lived a somewhat similar experience during his first presidency and COVID. Personally, I would have the most issues with my partner. By ignoring the abhorrent behavior and decisions of their family and choosing to interact with them anyway, they are condoning what their family is doing. Even if they are somewhat vocal in their disagreement, the family is avoiding the consequences of their actions since the spouse is still giving them what they want.

If my spouse shut them down and called them on all of their bull shit, I'd probably be OK with them continuing the relationship, but most people aren't willing to do that.

You don't have to agree with your family's politics. It's basically guaranteed a huge chunk will disagree with you on something. Just don't talk about politics with them since it upsets you so much.

It's perfectly reasonable to steer the conversation away from politics if it comes up, and if they insist, particularly at your house, be a bit more direct about not having political discussions over the dinner table.

Your wife made the decision for you collectively not break off the relationships all together. I understand that you don't like it. The adage that blood is thicker than water applies here on top of any other concern. And that's why I would tread carefully in the interest of your marriage. Another folk wisdom is that morals are something you need to be able to afford. And my guess is you will not be able to do so here in the way you would prefer. While her family is at your house, you mustn't tolerate any bullshit and you should be free to express your dismay at the protofascist state of affairs. But I would keep it at a non-shouting, non-hostile level. Your wife has spent your morals money. Try to look at it as an opportunity to change minds. If they are at your house they cannot run away, you have a semi-captive audience, in which you can sow the seeds of doubt. If there is to be another election, this is better than a clean cut, breaking off contact, and entrenching opinions out of spite on their side. Grit your teeth and roll up that rock, Sisyphus. Calm arguments and facts, tackle the ball not the player. And find a way to channel your frustration elsewhere (punching bag in the garage, walk the dog, friendly ear that maybe isn't your wife's, etc.).

I think any response (short of something like physical assault) is probably ethical. Think about your mental health and your wife's opinion on it too.

I hate my in-laws for similar reasons. (My wife dislikes them too.) We all have a very spoken no politics rule when we visit. This makes family gatherings more tolerable. We only see them maybe 4 or 5 times a year. We've definitely seen them less as things got worse politically. Last year we even skipped Thanksgiving with them.

It's your and your wife's home. So your rules apply. Make that agreement with your wife beforehand. So there are no fights afterwards.

Things like;

1. She must not address you. Basically act as if the other person does not exist.
2. The visit will be as short as reasonably possible. For longer bouts with her daughter, your wife can visit her mother.
3. She must be humble and accept the extreme difference in views.

Sooooo, you're letting a nazi stay in your home. Your wife is the daughter of a person who chooses to still be a nazi. If you put it in that context, does it make it clearer?

At least she hasn't doubled and tripled down since like most MAGA parents

Id just talk about it being disgusting like they didn't vote for it. 'Other it' around them and try not to put it like you're attacking them. I'd say, for the sake of your family connection by way of your wife, you have to stomach some degree of it. Engendering division only helps the goblins like Miller and Bannon.

I'm talking as someone who's mother and father voted for Brexit instead of trump, and I refuse to act like it hasn't been a gigantic fucking mess.

Divorce your wife, hit the gym, get a tan, do laundry. Please use a better post title next time.