Ask Lemmy

Disassociate and make funny small talk while i internally have an anxiety attack.

My technique is to not be interested in the person. Not like ignoring them or being mean or anything. But... when I like someone, I get all shy and awkward around them and I tend to screw up any attempt at socializing.

If I'm not romantically interested in them, I can be myself, which I've been told is naturally very funny and flirtatious.

Every person I've ever dated was a friend long before I started a relationship with them, because I took the time to know them and eventually developed mutual feelings for them. By the time I was asked out, I already had deep respect for them and felt comfortable being myself around them, so dating was just the next step in our relationship.

And yes, I've always been the one asked out. I asked out a girl once, and instead of just saying no, she made a public spectacle about how creepy I was and how she would never date me. I was extremely shy back then and my failed attempts to approach her apparently came off as me creeping on her, so by the time I actually worked up the courage to talk to her, she gave me a traumatizingly public "hell no." I never asked anyone else out again after that. I've dated close to a dozen people in my life and every single one of them asked me out.

You hear about Pluto? That's messed up.

Become a ball of anxiety, never talk to them, remain alone.

"Hi, I'm an ultra boring nerd girl. I'm on several Fediverse platforms. ...No, I don't know Nicole. Please don't follow me. No seriously please don't."

I'm not very good at socialising, sorry

Be a normal person around them without trying anything. If they like you, you'll notice it.

... usually randomly 5 years afterward.

This would be a huge turnoff for me, letting me know I'm dealing with an immature conceited person. Maybe forget "techniques" and be real. If they like you they do, if not who cares? Someone else will.

Being near them for 4 years as a casual acquaintance and hoping they eventually initiate something.

So, tell me, have you ever seen a grown man naked?

The closest I've ever gotten to intentionally flirting and it succeeding was playing "Questions Only." with someone who didn't know I was playing this. My friend, who dared me to play, had to tell the target my name since I couldn't say my name since I had to respond to everything with a question.

So, um, learn to listen?

I'm starting to get in to the dating game but my strat currently is try to become friends with them first, then SO after. If it doesn't end well maybe you'll have a good friend

Me so horny, you want some fuck?

Completely ignoring and never talking to them.

In my experience flirting effectively has been about being open to possibility without becoming attached to any particular outcome. Someone sent me this video as a joke years ago and I've come back to it dozens of time because there's a lot of truth hiding behind the silliness. We view flirting as thing you do, but I prefer to see flirtatiousness as a mindset I sometimes embody. https://youtu.be/B4g-IlGtpZg

Here is my favorite technique:

"First treat a woman like a person, then a princess, then a Greek goddess, then a person again." -Shawn (Psych)

Treating some like a person first is really the most important thing. Everything else is optional but people like to be treated special for a while before being a person again.

Showing genuine interest in their personality and hobbies with eye contact. Asking questions about the aforementioned hobbies.

If you ever have the opposite situation, like say you are taken but someone has started flirting with you. You can either say you are spoken for or do the opposite of the above advice and talk only about yourself, adding some petty complaints about your life in general.

Step 1. Spend stupid money on a supercar rental

Step 2. Drive up and down the high street. Getting stuck in standstill traffic is a plus so i can rev my engine next to the ears of the shoppers

Step 3. Profit??

Actually nevermind, i never actually do this and walked past a lot of this recently and it makes me wonder

Prize, not price. And thinking unrealistically high of yourself will only attract low self-esteem girls. If that’s your thing, great for you.

The best strategy in my experience is being yourself, not artificially bending towards what you think will look attractive. Self confidence is more attractive than narcissism, at least for my type of girl.

You sound 12, no offense. It's also "prize", not "price", within the context of what you said.

I show her my card collection.

Be best friends with her for yyears. Then literally just look at each other, shrug and say "Meh...might as well fuck".

Her: So, you want anything to drink?

Wait are you hitting on them at their place of work, as a customer? Don't fucking do that.

For guys, saying "hi".

For girls, I have to go hunting a Dragon with the sword of King Arthur to be considered worth of a cup of coffee.

I'm kind of bad at actively flirting with someone. My flirting technique is to be interesting to look at while I listen intently. But it's kind of worked out for me so who knows?

I find that cringe tbh. Just be curious about the other person and talk like a human, not like a creep. Asking shit like "are you trying to get time drunk?" might sound funny to a man, but it is a legitimate concern for women and makes you sound like an arrogant teenager.