this post was submitted on 08 Sep 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] spiffynova@lemmy.world 273 points 1 day ago (16 children)

We all know that won't work. Try this instead.

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[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 111 points 1 day ago (3 children)

"Are you ovulating? I have cheese if you are."

[–] SpruceBringsteen@lemmy.world 71 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Yes, that one there officer. He tried to put a Kraft Single in my bra.

[–] lime@feddit.nu 62 points 1 day ago (1 children)

no wonder it didn't work, that's not even cheese

[–] Asidonhopo@lemmy.world 17 points 1 day ago (4 children)

Nilered did a video on this, it's technically at least cheese-adjacent

https://youtu.be/0aGNAxN5Z-o

[–] lime@feddit.nu 21 points 1 day ago

i mean, so is grass

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To be fair, cheese works on most people, whether or not they're ovulating.

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[–] Washedupcynic@lemmy.ca 25 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Fun fact, the digestion of milk/cheese creates casomorphins from caesin, one of the most prominent peptides in milk. Casomorphins can activate opioid receptors. Giving a woman a slice of cheese might work in your benefit if she eats the cheese.

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[–] kerrigan778@lemmy.blahaj.zone 16 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Yeah but this one unironically works for a lot of women.

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[–] Sunschein@piefed.social 14 points 1 day ago

Idk, this piece of advice legitimately works on my wife.

[–] BlueLineBae@midwest.social 14 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (2 children)

That shoe one just reminded me that when we bought our house and had to start renovations on it, the attic had lots of women's shoes. Just one shoe from a pair and all different shoes. I have so many questions for the previous owner, but unfortunately they are no longer with us.

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[–] kadaverin0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 193 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Written by Coolguy Sexhaver.

[–] CoryCoolguy@lemmy.myserv.one 28 points 1 day ago

No relation.

[–] Venus_Ziegenfalle@feddit.org 79 points 1 day ago (2 children)

In the unlikely event that she reacts poorly she might be on her period. You should ask her to make sure though.

[–] LemmyThinkAboutIt@lemmy.zip 25 points 23 hours ago (2 children)

And if the woman happens to overreact to the period question, just politely tell her to calm down.

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[–] outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 19 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Yeah i always take stock and usually calm down when a guy im arguing with points that out.

[–] Zozano@aussie.zone 67 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (6 children)
  • Top 10: Ways to flirt with a woman sexually
  • Top 10: Ways to flirt with a woman financially
  • Top 10: Ways to flirt with a woman bureaucratically
  • Top 10: Ways to flirt with a woman maliciously
  • Top 10: Ways to flirt with a woman abstractly
[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 14 points 23 hours ago (9 children)

Oh. Can I see the abstractly list?

Sounds fun

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[–] TheBat@lemmy.world 59 points 1 day ago

That doesn't sound right but I don't know anything about women to dispute it.

[–] Cruxifux@feddit.nl 53 points 1 day ago (10 children)
[–] wander1236@sh.itjust.works 48 points 1 day ago

There's no way that last sentence especially isn't satire

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[–] ileftreddit@piefed.social 48 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Lol who wrote this, Ben Shapiro?

[–] db2@lemmy.world 17 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

It's typo progressive for him. He's the "your wife shouldn't get wet" type.

Edit: autocorrect fail in the worst/best way there

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[–] LookBehindYouNowAndThen@lemmy.world 45 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Sounds condescending. Why not just compliment her ovipositor?

[–] BeigeAgenda@lemmy.ca 27 points 1 day ago

Madam, my compliments to your ovaries 🎩💪🏼🥚🙇

[–] Denjin@feddit.uk 25 points 1 day ago (2 children)

My dear, your claoca looks especially receptive this fine evening.

[–] Ceedoestrees@lemmy.world 14 points 1 day ago

Why, thank you, I've just been to the remora. And might I say what a stable dorsal fin you have.

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[–] dis_honestfamiliar@lemmy.sdf.org 40 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Oh yeah. Zero chance of back fire. Zero. Had sex all my life - once with a women. Trust me.

[–] Noodle07@lemmy.world 23 points 1 day ago

once with a women. Trust me.

Stop bragging

[–] CheerfulPassionFruit@lemmy.world 35 points 1 day ago (2 children)

The sad thing is that some people will take this advice.

[–] blarghly@lemmy.world 38 points 1 day ago (2 children)

What's sad about learning something new and getting laid?

[–] Denjin@feddit.uk 27 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Please fertilise my egg, I just vacuumed.

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[–] CheerfulPassionFruit@lemmy.world 17 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I sincerely hope you're /s ing.

[–] blarghly@lemmy.world 23 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Lol. I hoped that would be obvious.

[–] thomasloven@lemmy.world 15 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Hi. Welcome to the Internet.

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[–] ThrowawayPermanente@sh.itjust.works 35 points 18 hours ago (2 children)

Community Note: This is actually bad advice that will get you stabbed

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[–] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 33 points 1 day ago (1 children)

This is like when you teach someone that a swear is a greeting in a foreign language

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[–] ValiantDust@feddit.org 30 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Yes, please do that. So we are immediately aware that we should get away as fast as possible.

[–] itslola@lemmy.world 28 points 1 day ago (7 children)

TIL I ovulate every Sunday 😂😅

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[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 24 points 1 day ago

Rings true to me. My wife never vacuums and is past menopause.

[–] Etterra@discuss.online 20 points 1 day ago (3 children)

Not sure if AI or just incredibly stupid.

[–] entropicdrift@lemmy.sdf.org 24 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] Etterra@discuss.online 19 points 1 day ago

We live in a post irony world and I literally can't tell the difference without knowing the source.

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[–] thebudman420@lemmy.world 18 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I feel sorry for any guy dumb enough to try this. Also my friends mom when i was 13 vacuumed every day and rearranged all furniture and vacuumed behind everything once a week.

Wow what a cycle that must have sucked

[–] omniman@anarchist.nexus 17 points 1 day ago (2 children)

if i fill her in will she respectfully become my gf ?

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This is for betas. It says so in the upper right corner.

[–] cows_are_underrated@feddit.org 15 points 15 hours ago (3 children)

We all love some good ol' mansplainimg.

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