this post was submitted on 14 Jul 2025
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No Stupid Questions
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No such thing. Ask away!
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That's the fun part, you can't. A lot depends on the details here. You're looking for a one-size-fits-all answer to a very not-one-size situation.
In 99% of cases a major crime like a kidnapping that I know I didn't have anything to do with should be reported immediately, and "speaking to the police" only ceases when I become aware they have decided to suspect my involvement. In the other 1% of cases, I have understood how bad it looks and I'm talking immediately to the best lawyer I can find and letting them do all the talking from the beginning.
I'm pretty sure it doesn't apply when you're the one calling the police.
its not unheard of for the cops to kill the caller
I've only heard that from the US, though.
Yea but like how do you know what the cops are thinking. They could assume its a "self-report" if they can't find any suspects. I watched a documentary where the boyfriend was immediately their #1 suspect, but thankfully they later found evidence that someone else did it, and that he wasn't involved with his girlfriend's disappearance. That could've turn out poorly if the cops were being dicks.
I guess in that case you have to weigh that risk against how much you like your girlfriend.
But wouldn't it look more suspicious if she was missing for a week and the boyfriend "just didn't want to get the cops involved"?
Romantic partners are basically always looked at by investigators because of how frequently they end up being the personal responsible for the crime.
"don't talk to the police" is above for not incriminating yourself and also not reporting stuff that isn't hurting anyone. If you think someone is kidnapped or missing you should call the police immediately. If they want to interrogate you then don't talk to them and get a lawyer there asap
Help them investigate someone else. If you are the one they are investigating, shut your mouth.
they mean that the police are the absolute last resort, and youd be better off calling a lawyer first no matter what.
They mean if the police approach and question you don't talk to them because anything you say will only be used against you. It will likely be used out of context as well.
Call from a burner phone and give an anonymous report. Even then, if you have the slightest connection with the victim, you will be questioned, and you should shut the fuck up.
Investigators are looking for someone to arrest, prosecutors are looking for someone to charge, and courts are looking for someone to convict. Whether that person is actually culpable is irrelevant.
Call from a burner phone and give an anonymous report. Even then, if you have the slightest connection with the victim, you will be questioned, and you should shut the fuck up.
I mean idk how the "anonymous call" and the "shut the fuck up" helps if its your bf/gf or parent or child, that went missing. I you're gonna look very bad to a jury when they hear that you weren't on any record of having filed a missing person report like very early on, or if you refuse to cooperate with police. I mean this isn't like you just robbed a store or something, in which case the jury will probably understand why you don't wanna talk, but like... in this scenario, this is someone close to you that went missing, every jury is gonna have a biased opinion of you for non-cooperation.
Not to mention, the early someone is found, the better chance they are alive.
Fine. Since I'm apparently "rude," I'll elaborate.
Your wife goes missing. As the spouse, you are the prime suspect. The police are far less interested in finding your wife than they are in arresting the person they think is responsible for your wife's being missing. They are going to interrogate you, in one of those tiny rooms with no windows where they put themselves between you and the door, and get more and more inside your personal space. For hours, and they're going to treat you as though you are guilty, because they want you to confess to a crime. They want you to incriminate yourself.
You're already super stressed about your wife being missing, maybe you're wondering where your kids are and the stress they're under. Do you have a dead solid alibi? Are you sure? The police are allowed to lie to you; you are not allowed to lie to them. Are you certain you won't even misspeak? Because what you consider a mistake, they will consider a lie, and that makes you even more a suspect. Are there any other uncomfortable facts in your life? Affairs, money trouble, arguments, drugs? Is anyone undocumented? All that shit is about to come out, all that shit will be used against you.
Are you mentally capable of navigating this situation, where there's a real chance of your being imprisoned for who knows how long? No, you are not.
Unless you want to load more trouble on top of the trouble that's already there, you will not speak to the police without your lawyer present.
You asked. I answered. Sorry if you didn't like the answer. If you already knew what you wanted the answer to be, why did you ask?
They are trying to have a conversation about the situation, not telling you you are wrong. No need to be rude about it.
Lawyer.
Don't be obtusely literal.
If someone is in trouble, you need help and you reach out to anyone and everyone you can to get that help. Don't trust the police to be your friend always, so don't go spouting incriminating shit about how you and your friend were getting high or something, don't approach them belligerently, but give it every attempt to get someone's attention and take it seriously. The idea that someone has to be missing 24 hours is a myth if you have good reason to believe they're in trouble. Be respectful and coherent and provide as much evidence as you can. The only time they start investigating even the people reporting the crime is if they determine a crime has occured, and it has to be a bad one.
If you think you look really sus in this situation for whatever reason, try to make an anonymous call from a payphone (I think they still have those) but also shop around for a lawyer because if the person really is in trouble or something happened to them, they will likely approach you either way.
Look, I don't like cops either. But the couple times I've dealt with home invaders, there was nobody else I rather see coming down the hall as I was wrestling the intruder. We need a new system and overhauled oversight and management of law enforcement, but we also still need law enforcement. The two things can exist simultaneously.
Learn to be more like Liam Neeson.