OMG, I asked copilot to read the text and fix it to 168 degrees F.
I expected it to give me text and for it to be horrible,
what It did was so much worse and so must more impressive.
this post was submitted on 26 Jun 2025
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His number are off due to the idea that chicken is cooked at 400F. Yikes!
Hi there and welcome back to another episode of Bitch Slap Kitchen, where we cook food like it owes us money. Today we're making some delicious backhand chicken.
Suspend a whole chicken in midair form some string or something, haul back, and swing at about mach 5, a little less. You're probably not going to have any intact glass anywhere in your house and you'll probably set off some car alarms in the shopping district but you'll have a table ready main course in milliseconds.
How fast does it cook in a vacuum?
I'd suspect it doesn't cook so much as, y'know, explode and dessicate
to my knowledge these calculations pretty much have to be assuming a vacuum. IE there's no mention of heat loss between slaps. which would be inevitable as 23k instant slaps, would take considerable time.
How many wanks to choke my chicken?
A guy on YT actually tried it experimentally a few years ago (how many slaps, not how fast one slap); and it works to some degree! The main problem becomes to make a slapping machine that can survive long enough:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHFhnnTWMgI&pp=ygURc2xhcCBjb29rIGNoaWNrZW7SBwkJzgkBhyohjO8%3D
He also did a turkey a couple years after that for "slapsgiving"
The chicken has to exceed the boiling point of water for it to be cooked? Unless we’re making chicken caramels, I don’t think so.
That 205C would just be the surface temperature of the chicken, not the average. Note that the calculation doesn't take into account the volume or radius
EDIT: No, I'm wrong. The calculation is for boiling the whole chicken. Who was this written by, a Brit?
Are you sure? The numbers in the tweet talk about total mass and heat capacity. So I think that means the entire bulk has that average temperature.
See my edit
One thing’s for sure: a chicken slapped at 3726 mph won’t be very tasty. Or look too good.
What, you don't like ~~vaporized~~ ionized poultry?
Who was this written by, a Brit?
Nope. Likely an American.
When cooking, people in general like to use round numbers, like "200°C", since a difference of 5°C in oven temperature is not a big deal.
And yet they went with some oddly specific 205°C. That only makes sense if they're used to Fahrenheit, eyeballed a round value (like 400°F), converted it into Celsius (204.4°C), and then rounded it up to discard the decimal.
I'm also going to say they're completely clueless when it comes to cooking - 200°C is the oven temperature. The chicken itself reaches a far lower temperature, in the 70~80°C range. By the time the chicken reached 200°C, it's already dry and close to catching fire. (The self-ignition temperature for biological stuff is typically between 200°C and 250°C.)
Excellent, physics in service of humanity!
Bro really wanted his chicken well done at 400°F
Naw, that’s burnt.
Maillard reaction where things brown starts at 350f.
More than 165/175 in the center and that’s dried out.
If you spatchcock your bird then you’ve only gotta slap your cock to about 150°F at the thickest part of breast
naturally. Best to slow it down and keep it juicy, too. I like smoking them at about 200 f, it's perfection.
also... way to make spatchcocking sound even dirtier than it is. the no cooks here are probably thinking it's some sort of sex act and the rest of us are wondering if it's not also some sort of sex act.
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The mallard reaction is only relevant when cooking duck.
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At this point we have to consider the ambient temperature as well, as the chicken will slightly cool between two slaps once it exceeds it
Assume the chicken is spherical an in vacuum.
I think we should put more consideration into the fact that slapping the chicken this much will dissipate a lot of energy into deforming the chicken.
Typical physicist, ignoring enthalpy of phase changes. Starting from 1C defrosted makes a huge difference from 0C as the melting takes up a ton more energy/slaps. Their underslapped chicken would give you salmonella
🤔
And the phase change from uncooked to cooked.
Where do I find cooked in the phase diagram?
Also completely neglecting that not all the energy in a slap will be transferred to thermal energy in the chicken.
Assume a spherical chicken...
They haven't considered rate of slap. Significant heat transfer to environment even at 10 slaps per second.
They're also assuming sea level standard atmospheric conditions. You may need to reduce rate of slap at altitude.
Also only about half the heat goes into the chicken and the other half into the hand used for slapping
I believe we're well on our way to developing the worlds first slap coefficient.
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I think they did this on mythbusters
205°C 😂😂😂
Well otherwise it has to stay at some 100 degrees for quite a long time to consider it cooked
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Maybe they like their chicken fucking black
But how do you get the chicken back from the stratosphere once you've slapped it that fast?
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