memes

I keep thinking about the pizza store that was opened as a front for the mafia but did such good business that they quit doing the mafia thing and just sold pizzas full-time

The "Water and Donut Store" where they get mad if you ask for donuts, say it's not the right time of day for donuts (all times of day/night are the wrong time, but there are always three or four stale, lonely donuts in the large glass donut cases) and have a station where you may, for a small fee, fill your water jugs with minimally filtered tap water. 🤨

We have a jewelry store in town that is by appointment only. During the day there's always a high end car parked at the back of the store but you never see anyone in there. When my buddy was getting ready to propose he tried calling to get an appointment and it went straight to voicemail with a message that said private clients only and then beeped. He left a message but never heard back. I've never met anyone who has seen anyone go in or come out of that place.

Not quite the same but I used to work at a local, family owned supermarket chain that is now out of business. I started at one of the busiest locations, but after I moved apartments I transferred to another location that was out in the 'burbs. At the first location I worked at, all our equipment was well maintained, stock was reasonable, stuff seemed normal.

At the suburban location, our equipment was all falling apart. The roof leaked. The other stores sent us their overstock and charged it to our departments. I was in the deli, and one day the contracted maintenance guy was there and I asked if he could take a look at one of the meat slicers. He said sorry, corporate told him not to do any work at this location that they hadn't pre-approved.

My first hypothesis was that this location didn't make any money, and that's why they didn't want to spend to fix it. One day I decided to ask the store manager about it—he was pretty chill and we talked sometimes, so I figured he wouldn't mind. I said "Does this store actually make any money?" and he said "Well, let me put it this way: the numbers I report to corporate show that every department here, except floral, makes a profit every month. And then the numbers they put out in the quarterly reports show that we've never made a profit since we opened."

"Where does the money go?" I asked.

"That's above my pay grade," he said.

I'm convinced someone was embezzling funds. A couple years after I left, the whole chain closed one day with no notice to the employees.

Used to ship auto parts from a company called 'Specialty Products Company'.

"what'd you guys sell"

"IDK... 'Products?'..."

Still not convinced they aren't a money launderer.

Back in the early 2000s, when malls were still frequented, there was a tea shop down a dark wing that was rarely visited. I was on a tea bender and visited often, it was always empty. The man who ran the shop was very friendly. He was so friendly that he never failed to overstuff the tea I bought, give me a free hot tea, my choice, even the very expensive tea, on the spot, and heavily discount the tea I did pay for. I recommended him to friends and family, who reported the same experience. Empty shop, free and discounted tea, very friendly.

After a while, he opened up a little. He was from Iran. He had to leave very quickly, but he missed his home country. When asked why he left, he would dodge the question. People I sent to visit also reported his question dodging. He hesitated to say much about Iran beyond its ancient (and very cool) history.

I do not think he was laundering money, but he wasn't there to make money. My guess is that he was whisked away by the US Government/CIA and given a new home in a quiet town where he could finally relax and just sell tea.

A few times, his older son was in the shop and was always visibly frustrated or bored, and he expressed a strong desire to "go home" back to Iran. The tea shop man tried to hide the seriousness in his tone when asking his son to be quiet. On occasion, his wife was there. She was friendly enough when speaking to you but always had a wary look on her face when you walked into the shop, looking right at your face for the first few seconds. I know that look personally. She was looking for danger in a face.

Even after the mall's soul died and the anchor stores left, the little friendly tea shop in the dark, empty wing stayed.

That family was not there to make money selling tea. Very, very good tea, might I add. Such a friendly man. I hope they found peace.

There's a psychic/tarot reader on the highway near me that's been around as long as I can remember, and I don't think I've ever seen a car parked out front.

you mean the 12 car washes that all sprung up at the same exact time all within 5 miles of each other?

the same ones that have practically zero cars driving through them because they opened at the height of 2020 where nobody was driving anymore?

the same ones that somehow weathered a bust market for carwashes for 3 years?

the same ones that are owned by two guys with the same last name that look suspiciously like retired mafia?

you mean those places?

nah, they're just a couple brothers that were really successful before the pandemic.

There is an "unlicensed" car repair shop in my town. They always service upper-price class, new-looking cars with license plates from far away. Never actually seen anyone working on them, but the suit wearers that collect the cars always seem happy. Not fishy at all, no need to investigate.

There is a super famous, incredibly mediocre destination BBQ restaurant in Central Texas that is famous for an all-you-can-eat family-style meal. For decades, they only accepted cash. Way, way longer than made sense. Like into the 2020s I think.

Their main menu item was all-you-can eat (hard to quantify number of sales), only members of the family that ran the place were allowed to count the take and the receipts at the end of each shift, and they only took cash.

I fully believe they were either laundering money or evading taxes by under-reporting. But then they opened a few satellite branches, including one at the airport, and started having to be more careful as they expanded.

I have long held the belief that all these mattress stores are all a front for something.

There's a shopping center nearby that has three of them. THREE MATTRESS STORES WITHIN THROWING DISTANCE OF EACH OTHER.

Mattresses are like a once every 10 years purchase. How the fuck is there enough foot traffic to support 3 of them mother fuckers that close together?

When I worked across the street from them I never saw any of them having big sales or anything. Nobody I knew anyone that worked at any of them. They never seemed busy. Never saw trucks bringing in stock.

It doesn't add up.

There used to be a coffee shop in my town. Every day they had a two-part secret phrase that would let you get drugs, but it sounded like an order. I think I activated it one time. "Can I please get a double-double with whip cream?" "Sure. How's your dog Mittens?" "I have no dog?!" Later, the coffee shop shut down because they got caught drug trafficking. They would double cup the coffee orders that had the drugs, and put the drugs in between the paper cups.

There's multiple tiny Mexican restaurants in my town that I 100% know are run by the cartel. Like,I know the manager didn't buy a $100k dodge Durango hellcat selling burritos and tacos in a farm town.

I don't fucking care though, the tacos are good.

We have a local chain of antique shops, very high-end

Never see anyone come or go

My town has like 20+ different barbershops within a couple blocks from each other. They only do the most basic mens haircuts, rarely have any customers, cheap, and cash-only. The business usually lasts for a little over a year, and then suddenly they get some new signage... and another barbershop is reborn! All using similar stock image logos as well.

I went to one a couple years back and I had to basically buzzcut myself to be presentable again.

😎 current U.S. presidential administration 😎

We were excited to learn of a new restaurant opening, an all-day breakfast and lunch place, like an upscale Denny's with a liquor license.

Hmm. That sounds more ghetto than summer lazy patio time with friends should.

Anyway, they finished setting up 4 years ago. At most I see 2 cars in the lot on the way past and no one seems to ever be inside.

Either they're laundering serious cash or they're somehow bankrupting a restaurant in an area that needs an option other than pizza and subway.

Sometimes it's just a passion project by crazy people. My town has a shack on a busy non-walkable intersection without even parking spaces that sells only angel figurines. Let me be clear, this isn't general angel knickknacks, this isn't specific saints, it's angel figurines ONLY. You will find no bless this house signs. No Christmas tree toppers or ornaments. Not a single holiday decoration, religious or otherwise. You won't even find Jesus on the cross.

Angel. Figurines. Only. I always assumed it was a front for something until my mom helped with some taxes for them. No, it's just one crazy couple who are obsessed with the sanctity of the angel figurine. They feel very strongly about it and asking if they do garden angels now that spring's coming up and you'd love to patronage them is apparently offensive enough for them to take their taxes elsewhere lol.

we have what seems like about 15 mattress stores along one stretch of road, and we also have a store that sells nothing but bar stools. I've often thought that about those places...

There’s a Mexican restaurant which I always wanted to try. Walked in and ordered a carne asada plate- the fucking thing was almost 30 bucks. It took like 20 minutes and was the consistency of reconstituted shoe leather and tasted like a jarred fart.

There is never a soul eating in there and yet it remains open.

SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER

'Smartphone repair shop' near where I live. Has always light on (24/7 confirmed), but nobody inside. At times an ad flag (those 2mt tall with the shop name on it) comes out and is near the entrance.

One time I managed to catch a guy behind the counter and entered for asking if they had some spare parts (I think it was a battery) and he looked fucking disgusted just because I dared to enter. Useless to say, they did not have any spare parts.

As of today (4 or 5 months), not a single client entered.

Also, that shop that sells completely random stuff (chandeliers, dolls, weird statues, horrible carpets and so much more junk), never seen it open but have been there for like at least 30 years.

One pizza place by my old house in the bad part of Minneapolis always had a bunch of cars in the parking lot. One day I decide to try it; I manage to find a parking spot, walk in, and the place is pretty much empty. I order a pizza, take it home, and it's one of the worst pizzas I've ever eaten. That place simply cannot be a legitimate business.

Those fucking candy shops in London. You know the ones. Also, I used to manage a car wash/detail shop in Florida, and Breaking Bad nailed it.

My town has a population of about 2,000 people. There are five dedicated car washes within a 10-mile radius of my house, with two more under construction.

There is a trading card shop here - in a village of 2500.

How?

In Switzerland it's either "Barber Shops" or "Döner Shops" their card reading terminals are for some reason always broken and you have to pay cash!

JP Morgan Chase, Comerica, Bank of America, etc

There's a mobile phone repair shop next to where we live. Everything in the window is faded from the sun. In 6 years of living here I have not seen it open or someone inside even once.

Every mattress store you’ve ever seen is likely a front for some shady shit.

I knew a guy who drove a taxi for a company in New York back in the 70s and one day he got in a wreck and totaled his cab, and a very large very Italian man came and told him not to worry about it and that everything would be handled and there was no need for paperwork, and that was the end of it.

Beauty salons. Too many of them. Who is even visiting them?

We have several Community Market arrangements in my town. People who make homemade stuff, like decorations, knitwear, art, crafts, jam, soap etc can book a stand for a day or several. It's extremely exhausting to sit on a shitty chair for 8 hours straight in a crowded place, and especially in the Christmas market when you are half outside and temperatures are close to freezing, so most people book two days in a row at most.

This one group of people just books end-to-end for the entire market duration. Like, weeks. They show up, fill their stand with TEMU crap, and take turns to sit at the stand and consistently sell nothing to nobody.

At the end of my street growing up was a used car dealership with the same 4 cars scattered out front my entire time through elementary, middle and high school. They didn't even bother airing up the tires...

Growing up west of Orlando, there was this store in the mall that sold like glass figures and porcelain stuff. Never once did I ever see a customer in there. Multiple stores came and went but that one, there since the mall’s opening, remained. When I worked for EB Games at the same mall, we’d always pass it when we dropped off our money and my manager would say it was a front. Everyone I knew called it the Crack Store.