this post was submitted on 14 Apr 2025
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No Stupid Questions

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[–] MummifiedClient5000@feddit.dk 48 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

A gorilla and a bear, equal weight, meet in the woods and you think they are going to fight? No.

They're going to become the best of friends.

First, they'd size each other up, realize they're equally matched. Then, they'd nod, respectfully, and decide to team up. They would be unstoppable. The gorilla, with its incredible strength, agility, and problem-solving skills, would be the brains of the operation. It'd plan their strategies, communicate with other animals, innovate and adapt human tools for their use, and keep their team organized. The bear, with its raw power, intimidating presence, and fearsome reputation, would be the muscle. It'd protect their territory, hunt for food, and strike fear into the hearts of any who dared to resist their expansion.

Together, they'd rule the forest, a formidable duo that no other animal would dare challenge. They would create a network of informants and allies, with birds acting as their eyes in the sky, and smaller mammals like squirrels and raccoons helping to gather resources and spread their influence. The gorilla would also know when to use diplomacy, forging alliances with other animal groups to strengthen their hold.

Humans, overwhelmed and outmatched, would have no choice but to retreat, leaving the cities to the new rulers of the urban jungle. The gorilla and the bear, once mere forest dwellers, would now sit atop the crumbling skyscrapers, surveying their vast kingdom, a testament to their unlikely friendship and unstoppable power. The legend of their alliance would echo through the generations, a reminder that sometimes, the most fearsome of foes can become the greatest of friends.

[–] denshirenji@lemmy.world 15 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

At some point the bear would be killed and, seeing that his own end would come, the gorilla would go into an existential crisis and would go on a long quest to find out how to avoid death. This quest would, eventually, lead the gorilla to finding an old lab from the time of the humans. In this lab there would live an old chimpanzee that has survived countless ages. When asked how he long survived, the chimpanzee would explain that the humans discovered the secret to immortality.

Alas, when asked for directions on how to achieve the same, the chimp would tell the gorilla that the process was lost to the span of time. The secret, however, could be found by making a journey to the lowest depths of a sunken part of urban jungle, wherein an old lab sits. After acquiring the gear to survive, the gorilla would dive deep into the abyss, and would make it to the lab. In the lab, the secret would be discovered and he would make his way to the surface, victorious.

Alas, as the ape ascended, he would be beset upon by a large mutant fish. A monster so terrifying that even the non-descriptions of the human writer H.P. Lovecraft wouldn't be able to do it justice. The gorilla would fight the monster and emerge victorious, but at a cost. The secret that he had spent so long pursuing would be destroyed. Lost to time.

The gorilla would go back to the urban jungle and marvel at the world that he and the bear had built. Resigned to his inevitable death, this urban jungle would stand the test of time as a symbol to all that came after, of the might of the bear and the gorilla.

[–] yetAnotherUser@discuss.tchncs.de 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

the chimp would tell the bear

I thought the bear had died?

[–] denshirenji@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago

Fixed. Even a horrible writer that rips off ancient Sumerian myth needs an editor.

[–] Zwuzelmaus@feddit.org 3 points 2 weeks ago

Humans, overwhelmed and outmatched, would have no choice but to retreat

... and then invent rifles :)

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[–] sanguinepar@lemmy.world 23 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

Not sure, but I was once (un?)fortunate enough to witness what happens when a bear was faced with an orangutan.

[–] Flocklesscrow@lemm.ee 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Now, I'm the king of the swingers
Oh, the jungle VIP
I've reached the top and had to stop
And that's what botherin' me
I wanna be a man, mancub
And stroll right into town
And be just like the other men
I'm tired of monkeyin' around!

[–] sanguinepar@lemmy.world 5 points 2 weeks ago

Oooooh, oobidoo!
I wanna be like you-oo-oo!
I wanna walk like you!
Talk like you!
Scoo-doo-bidoo!

[–] MBech@feddit.dk 2 points 1 week ago

To shreds you say?

[–] leraje@lemmy.blahaj.zone 14 points 2 weeks ago

Equally strong probably but I'd assume a bear is faster and more aggressive. Also has a set of steak knives on each paw.

[–] AnonomousWolf@lemm.ee 12 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (9 children)

I strongly believe a Bear would easily win. It has stronger Attack and Defence.

It has massive claws and will shred open a gorilla's unprotected skin with it's claws and teeth.

A gorilla has very little in terms of defence and that will be its downfall, it also only really has its teeth to attack with, and a Bear has thick skin to protect against that.

I don't see how a Gorilla could deal a fatal blow to a bear before the bear would rip deep wounds into a Gorilla with it's claws and teeth causing it to bleed out.

[–] Ledericas@lemm.ee 7 points 2 weeks ago

Bears are also surpsingly muscular and have very thick hides

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[–] Mothra@mander.xyz 9 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Bear primarily because of the claws. It means it can deliver a deadly slashing attack without getting its mouth, head and neck (its most vulnerable spots) within the gorilla's grasp.

[–] spankmonkey@lemmy.world 6 points 2 weeks ago

Not to mention a bear's hide is very tough compared to a gorilla.

[–] vvilld@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

I think a grizzly bear or a polar bear would take it. Any other bear it's going to the gorilla.

[–] Flocklesscrow@lemm.ee 6 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Cocaine bear vs PCP gorilla

[–] Empricorn@feddit.nl 3 points 2 weeks ago

And a Meth Tiger.

[–] vvilld@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 2 weeks ago

In a magical hypothetical world where we could make this happen without it being absurdly cruel to the animals, I'd love to see it.

[–] remon@ani.social 5 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

But consider a polar bear is twice as heavy as a Gorilla ... OP said equal weight, so that's one massive gorilla.

[–] AnonomousWolf@lemm.ee 5 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)
[–] Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago

He's getting dropped.

[–] vvilld@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 2 weeks ago

That's not a species of animal. That's the living embodiment of a fundamental force of nature. No mortal, man nor beast, can defeat one.

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[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 7 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Equal weight doesn't necessarily mean equal muscle. I would think a gorilla would still be more muscled than a bear, since the bear could just be fat from getting ready to hibernate.

Also gorillas are smart enough to use tools. It could just crack the bear over the head with a log or something.

[–] PlzGivHugs@sh.itjust.works 7 points 2 weeks ago

Bears are predators evolved to hunt large game, primarily with brute force (unlike something like a big cat, which relies much more on ambushes).

Gorrilas, as tough as they are, survive through intelligence. This means avoiding tough fights, and when absolutely needed, fighting as a troop rather than individualy.

So bear. But...

Does the Gorilla get time to prepare?

The one advantage gorillas have is their intelligence. If both animals are given training, or tools, then I could see the gorilla potentially winning - mostly because a bear will struggle to get any use out of either, whereas a gorilla could be trained to fight much more effectively and possibly even make/use weapons.

[–] ExLisper@lemmy.curiana.net 7 points 2 weeks ago

Only one way to find out...

[–] Zwuzelmaus@feddit.org 6 points 2 weeks ago

At equal weight, the Gorilla is the better fighter.

[–] theunknownmuncher@lemmy.world 5 points 2 weeks ago

Bear, no contest

[–] Rozz@lemmy.sdf.org 5 points 2 weeks ago

Did no one post the tier zoo video yet?

[–] wildcardology@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago

I've never seen a video of a gorilla fighting, but I've seen a bear fight. So bear for me.

[–] Chainweasel@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago (5 children)

Gorilla, the bear isn't going to be used to something fighting back and is more likely to flee when attacked.
The gorilla is going to be territorial and flight harder when attacked.

[–] AnonomousWolf@lemm.ee 3 points 2 weeks ago

Bears fight other bears in the wild all the time. They are predictors and hunt and kill all the time. Elk etc. Do fight back, they just don't stand much of a chance.

Gorilla's are herbivores

[–] Shou@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago

Depends on the type of bear I think. Brown bears might stand a chance, though most will probably f off.

[–] Auli@lemmy.ca 2 points 1 week ago

Umm bears fight. And it's brutal.

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[–] Sidhean@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago

Bear, unless the gorilla has a big stick

[–] FistingEnthusiast@lemmynsfw.com 2 points 2 weeks ago (6 children)

Gorilla

Their power to weight ratio is fucking wild, and they're smart as hell

[–] Lightor@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

I like to think I'm smarter than at least most gorillas, and I would lose a fight to a bear in the woods. The bear is a car with claws and thick hide trying to kill you. It's faster and stronger than you. It also flights and kills to survive and eat often, gorillas do not.

[–] Auli@lemmy.ca 1 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Bears are no slouches in the smart department either.

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[–] TheDeadlySquid@lemm.ee 2 points 2 weeks ago

Gorilla 💯

[–] zlatiah@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago

Bear, but I think it's because gorillas are known to be peaceful and will probably run away from conflict

If it is a fight to the death... Idk I think with how physics works it might be quite even?

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