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Its a very weird love-hate relationship.
Right now she tells me she loves me. (which according to the internet, is apparantly uncommon for Chinese parents?)
But if I mention suicidal feelings, oh shit that is like nuclear war.
So I just don't talk about it anymore.
That's the thing, its so taboo to talk about, society expects you to hide it.
If you talk to people about it, they will distance themselves from you and not wanna be your friend. Of if they are already your "friend", you're gonna be a burden, like emotionally, and so they would distamce themself from you, probably.
So these topics really just get buried and hidden away to some dark corner of the internet, here.
Yeah, most people want their kids to live. If the kid tells them they are considering dying, it's reasonable for alarm bells to ring in the parents' head and to behave irrationally in a panic state.
Honestly, I don't know how I would react if one of my kids told me something like that. I obviously would want to prevent it, but I don't think it would be an angry reaction. Mom might just not know how to deal with problems without fighting them aggressively.
Yeah, even if not helpful for you probably, that's a pretty normal parent response to a threat like that. I'm not being sarcastic here. It's not an indication that they don't love or value you, rather the exact opposite.
My personal recommendation to you is that you should be very careful what anonymous people in the internet tell you when the context is this important. Some people just don't give a shit about the well-being of anyone and will actively try to make things worse for you.
Get professional help.