this post was submitted on 07 Dec 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] Mediocre_Bard@lemmy.world 177 points 2 days ago (10 children)

Divorced man, mid-forties, job pays well but not great, tried to get into old interests to stave off depression but collecting action figures didn't do it and he couldn't remember how to play the ukulele, which is like the one thing that made him interesting in high school. So, he turned to those early college years when he and his friends, whom he hasn't talked to in ages, would stay up all night smashing Jägermeister and having heady though naive conversations about the world and how things ought to be. Night after night he sat on his balcony, looking at a world that would be better if only it listened to him, ignoring his broken instrument, smashed in frustration, and occasionally espousing his philosophy 101 understanding of nihilism to his last remaining friend, the Batman, until one late night, after finishing a nice piss, the pain became too great and, in a drunken stupor, he slowly allowed himself to fall over the balcony into the sweet release of death. He left behind only unanswered emails and texts from his worried adult children. A pitiful end to a pitiful life so completely devoid of significance that the character doesn't even warrant a name.

[–] yermaw@sh.itjust.works 31 points 2 days ago
[–] laranis@lemmy.zip 20 points 2 days ago (1 children)

This is art, but for the lack of mention of the piss spot on the far right. My guess is that he gave up on all decorum or hope for the future and started pissing almost over the side of the balcony. Then as he leaned over to see his last attempt to create something meaningful splash on the pavement below he looked a bit too far. It was not a planned act of finality, yet in that moment of weightlessness his last, fleeting thought was, "Probably for the best..."

[–] Numuruzero@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Yes but neither of you mentioned the piss spot on the balcony above. This is not our nameless hero's piss but the piss of his upstairs neighbor. He came out to his balcony and noticed a miraculous stream, sticking his head out too far to determine the source. His final thought was "What a beautiful day for rain"

[–] laranis@lemmy.zip 2 points 2 days ago

Fair. I missed the anteceding piss headwater. It pains me to think our antihero died perhaps with a full bladder.

[–] modus@lemmy.world 14 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Lol, none of us are.

[–] Mediocre_Bard@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

Yep. Thanks for checking.

[–] a_non_monotonic_function@lemmy.world 14 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] Mediocre_Bard@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago

I would be honored.

[–] AllNewTypeFace@leminal.space 13 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I heard that in Kim Katsuragi’s voice

[–] Naz@sh.itjust.works 1 points 2 days ago

"You seem to be following me"

[–] raoul@lemmy.sdf.org 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Let's rename him Bard_with_Superior_Deductive_Reasoning_Skills

[–] dream_weasel@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 days ago

Superiocre_bard

[–] Fmstrat@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago

Also a Star Wars fan. The bottles on the right are the Millinium Falcon.

[–] Rekonok@sh.itjust.works 4 points 2 days ago

I knew this guy :/

[–] funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)

a bunch of uke chords are 1 or 2 fingers, and due to the short finger board you can easily reach 6-8 frets in a single grip. It's easy to get into.

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago

It's just not the same as it was, bro.

[–] Omgpwnies@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] Mediocre_Bard@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

That was dope. Thank you for sharing that!