memes

I can no longer tell what is bait, but I'll bite.

The person you're replying to said the woman was 18. Society has to make a cut off at a certain point, and 18 isn't necessarily a bad place, but their life experience and mental faculties are not on an even footing with a 30+ year old. The "brain isn't developed until 25" isn't correct, but it's not wholly wrong. The idea is that the closer one is to underage the easier it is to take advantage of them even if you did not directly groom them. I think that's why most people direct criticism at the older party in age gap relationships.

Some women may be attracted to older men for perfectly healthy reasons, and vice versa, but generally people marry others within a few years of their own age. The gap in age of married couples has decreased as women have gotten more freedoms. I'm not able to say with certainty that in an equal and free society women prefer men in their age group, but it sure seems like the more rights women have the smaller that gap is. One would argue that says something about what women are actually attracted to, on the whole.

Not all younger women attracted to older men have trauma, but it's not unusual. An 18 year old is likely to still be living at home. If they don't always feel safe at home, an older man with their own place seems like a great option. It's not the man's fault that the woman has a bad home life, but the fact that the woman may not be able to be completely independent leaves her in a vulnerable position that he may unwittingly be taking advantage of. In her mind, her older boyfriend is "safe", but really her home is unsafe and he is just the alternative. That's not a healthy foundation for a relationship. Of course that's not everyone's story, or potentially even most people's story, but an 18 year old generally doesn't have the experience to know what healthy relationships look like. Two people figuring it out together can be tough but it's a learning experience, whereas a more experienced partner is likely to have an established framework that they can force on the less experienced one. Again, not saying this is always happening, and it can be coming from a positive place, but generally this dynamic makes the less experienced partner into the one learning from the other all the time, which puts them at a disadvantage, even on a subconscious level. "Oh, he's more experienced, he probably knows what's best, I should just do what he says". They're less likely to have developed their own sense of self and ability to enforce boundaries. You'd hope that the older person would be helpful in this process, but really that's not the outcome you generally see. The way men are positioned in society already puts women in a deferential position, adding in this idea of age equating to wisdom or maturity, it's hard not to see how a young woman might be poorly positioned to fully find or express herself in an age gap relationship, not to mention the coercive effect money can have.

Two consenting adults should indeed be able to do what they want, but people regularly consent to things that are bad for their overall wellbeing. People are free to smoke and drink and do all sorts of things. Being able to do something doesn't free you from being judged for your behavior. It's not always the correct judgement, but social norms generally get more progressive (fair/inclusive) and age gaps are increasingly frowned upon, which I think speaks to a society that's seen the harm they have done and is rebuking them for it.

Is a 20 year old not allowed to make decisions on who they are sexually or romantically attracted to?

To be fair, is that a decision anyone can make? That is, we can't usually control whether or not we're attracted to someone.

But to your point, yeah, what consenting adults do should be nobody else's business. We can acknowledge that we wouldn't personally want such a relationship for ourselves without taking away others' autonomy.

As to OP, it sounds like they personally didn't want the relationship, in which case it doesn't matter how bad the 18 year old wanted it. Nobody's obligated to take part in a romantic/sexual relationship they don't want to have, no matter how desperate the other party is for it.

Yeah, I've talked to quite a few young women about this topic. Almost universally, they are offended that people are trying to police and shame their sexuality if they are into older men, or say that there is nothing wrong with younger women dating older men even if they don't personally want to do it.