Ask Lemmy

I really don't like getting presents in company. I'm an Autist and don't react as people would expect, so masking sets in which is very stressful.

You're not alone in hating Christmas, though for me it's different: it's the stress of having to celebrate, be happy, and get people presents. I don't want to be forced to or pretend to be happy, I have nothing to celebrate, and if I want to give someone a present I don't need to wait for Christmas (and if I don't want to give a present, I shouldn't be required to).

Basically, Christmas is just another way to make people spent a lot of money with the pretense of it being "the happiest time of the year" (for someone else).

I had the right not to be happy, don't mandate that I should be happy during Christmas.

I decided long ago that Christmas and birthdays just wasn't for me. Easy enough when I live alone.

I don't decorate, don't eat anything out of the ordinary, don't dress up. It's just a normal day, that passes without much ado. Hate is too strong a word, I just ignore it.

the same shitty Xmas playlist over and over all day.

This pretty much sums it up. Music is a big part of my life, and to hear it be so... corporate and someone-has-a-case-of-the-mondays vibed makes me sick.

I didn’t grow up in a culture that put emphasis on Christmas, and so it’s a very tiny day to me. Meanwhile, my job comes to a standstill for a week about it, stores are selling merchandise for it three months in advance, and everyone I know is heavily invested in it. Since I didn’t grow up with Christmas, it’s hard to really appreciate what it’s about, since the whole tree-burglary-Jesus thing doesn’t have a clear message.

I don’t necessarily hate Christmas but I truly don’t like all the forced obligations that come with it.

• Forced to socialize with people you barely see or hear from.
• Forced to be present, socializing and fake laughing at Christmas events (work, family and acquaintances).
• There’s always one person that thinks the whole universe is about them.
• When you are silent, there’s apparently something wrong. You must have fun at Christmas events!

Personally, not really fond of socializing to be honest. I’m an introvert, it’s fine to socialize for an hour but an entire day of forced socializing is a disaster. Don’t like it.

Could write a day about this but, I suppose this sums it up.

1. Deep down I'm still an edgy militant atheist, and really want nothing to do with religious celebrations.

2. The only things I really want are things I'm not realistically going to be gifted. No one's going to buy and install a new heater/windows/deck for me for Christmas, or pay down my credit card, etc. I have too much junk already, I have all the clothes I need, I don't really need more snacks in the house, and I'm pretty much set up with everything I need/want for my hobbies. I don't need gifts. Inevitably I'm going to get a bunch of junk I don't need or want, and I'm gonna take it straight home and throw it out or donate it or otherwise I'm going to spend the next eternity shuffling around my house because I don't have anywhere to put it.

3. I'm probably a bit autistic or maybe just a bit dead inside, so even on the rare occasion I get a gift I'm really excited about I don't really have much of a reaction to it, which I feel is disappointing to the people giving it to me.

4. I really hate decorating and then having to take it all down a month or so later, having to haul all this crap down from the attic and then back up again is a real drag. It's part of the reason I get a real tree, it's easier to just strap it back onto my roof and haul it to my friend's house to burn in their fire pit (which is very cathartic) than to try to wrestle it back up the ladder. My wife likes it, so I suffer through it, I just wish she'd do more of the work.

5. I don't want to spend money. I have things I want to save for and dropping a couple hundred bucks on presents isn't helping that. I don't mind getting people gifts if it's something I think they really need or wound like, but thats usually not why I'm buying them stuff for Christmas, I'm getting them stuff because I feel obligated to get them something.

6. Family gatherings suck. As far as families go mine isn't too bad, I'd even say I kind of like most of them, but getting all of them in the room together and having to spend most of the day with them is too much. There's too many people, it's too loud, and while they're generally all good people, I don't really have enough in common with most of them to make it worth the aggravation, they're best enjoyed in small doses. My wife's family is smaller and quieter, which would be great, except they want the gathering to go on all day, my wife is bringing stuff over to make breakfast and it sounds like they plan to keep things going until at least dinner, so thats probably gonna be a 12+ hour ordeal when you figure in the time it takes to go over the river and through the woods to grandmothers house. Also, most of our family just aren't great cooks, and even if they were there are some picky eaters in the family, so family meals are pretty lackluster. I think my wife's family's dinner plans are a stouffers lasagna. Luckily I have to work this year so I have a good excuse not to go.

7. Christmas music can be good, but not the stuff that's been piped into every single fucking store I've had to go to for the last month, and I'm sick of it.

8. This is mostly just a me-problem, but I have way too much shit going on this time of year. My anniversary is in November, then thanksgiving which we usually do with my father in law who's about an hour away, my wife's birthday, my mom's birthday, christmas even which is usually with my family, usually about 45 minutes away depending on who's hosting, Christmas day is usually with my mother in law about an hour away, and then after that I usually host a new years eve party and between work and holiday obligations it's kind of crazy trying to get my house ready for that.

9. I work in 911 dispatch, we always get some really crazy/sad calls around this time of year. I deal with it just fine personally, but it doesn't exactly put me in a holly jolly mood.

10. I don't know, I made it this far and just kind of wanted to leave it on a nice round number I guess... Maybe I find tinsel distracting?

I worked retail for over a decade.

Family drama. My brother is an absolute bellend. Conspiracy theorist and has been awful to mum these last few months

• Work is always busy with everyone rushing and demanding things so they can meet some arbitrary deadline for their time off.
• Supposedly the season of peace, love, caring but i see far more commercialism and selfish behavior.
• Gift giving is awkward. I don't feel worthy of receiving gifts. People spend too much on junk I don't need which oddly makes me feel bad for not being able to match that amount of spending. And it all just usually leaves me with a feeling that the people around me don't really know much about me.

Oh, and we can only be in one place... with family/in-laws in different places we always miss the ones we can't be with.

I can't be happy anymore and nothing contrasts being happy as a kid with how hollow you are now like the holidays. It also highlights how much of a nonfunctional piece of shit I am because I'm terrible at getting people presents just like I'm terrible at doing anything, so in addition to hating myself for that I also get to feel anxious about it the whole time and then hate myself when people get me things and I haven't gotten them things. I'm also really hate christianity so all the religious songs drive me insane. All in all it's completely fucking miserable and I do my best not to show any of it to anyone because I don't want to ruin the holidays for them.

• Forcing each other to give gift we can't afford to people that doesn't need them and probably will end up in a landfill in 2 years time. PD: It would be really interesting to research Christmas impact on the environment.

• Forcing each other to be appear to be happy when a lot of incredibly shitty shit is happening around the world. I'd rather call it Double blindfold holiday!

• Telling a mandatory lie to kids, that is effectively their forced introduction to a society that values and encourages deception and the disconnection from reality.

Fuck Christmas!!!

really bad childhood memories involving my abusive biological father. and I'm not religious anymore, but the egregious commercialization of something meant to be a reverent celebration of a deity (even though nearly all its traditions are co-opted from pagan European traditions, which is already soulless af) always bummed me out.

but, it's a really meaningful day to my family members, and now that I'm on better terms with most of them I'd rather just enjoy their company and try not to let my disdain sour their fun. to the best of my ability

The pressure and the lack of creativity.

Everyone truly expects some Hallmark movie perfection, often with minimal effort from them. Pouting like a spoiled child when you don't do everything just exactly perfectly right. The exact shit that sometime else fetishizes that literally no one else notices. Or the genuine expectation that you have and can spend $2000 to visit, just to sit around and watch TV most of the time you're there.

All of that packaged up in the same exact bullshit. Never waiver. Never add anything new. Same playlists. Same images. Same movies. 20+ years ago Elf worked its way in through sheer presentence. One new entry. So repetitive and droll.

Finally, I love love love the lights. Because it's a pagan solstice party after all, lights to brighten the cold long dark nights of winter are simply intuitive. Why do we take down the lights on Jan 3 or 4 and make the next month ugly and miserable? Leave them up until the second full moon of winter. This year that's Feb 1. Makes sense, yes?

I used to hate Xmas like hell. Everyone's in a forced "happy"-disguise, buying stupid presents at the last minute, annoyed and stressed. And everyone expecting me to buy super expensive gifts, just because "you're loaded!" While still making zero efforts to gift something thoughtful back (because "you already have everything"). I were happy when it was over for like 40 years of stinky fucking Xmas shit.

Then I met my wife, we cut out ALL toxic people from our life, noone expects anything, we gift tons of tiny silly things we enjoy getting or making ourselves (the best gifts!), spend hours wrapping the stuff and then we have a fucking great Xmas for ourselves with great food, beautiful thoughtful gifts, watch some movies etc. Now I learned to love Xmas.

My point? If you're not forced to work in retail with those aweful people and ghastly playlists, it's not the fault of Xmas, it's just the toxic people around you that spoil everything.

So I'm going to preface with the fact that I don't hate Christmas. I thought I did for a long time but forced to actually stop and consider it, that's not an accurate statement.

However, I do object to a lot of how Christmas is portrayed and celebrated now (UK if that make a difference)

• it's a family affair: every TV program, every billboard, every commercial on the radio is telling you that this is a family occasion, a coming together. For those of us that are divorced or otherwise alone, it's a really fucking lonely time of year precisely because you're effectively being told from all angles that if you're not at the centre of a massive family celebration, you're a sad loser

• too long: it's one day, maybe one week if you can extend it all. For this we have to have 3 months of build up? It's too much, builds all the stress and makes the actual day unlikely to live up to the hype

• Music: saccharine Christmas music from November onwards. I have a playlist of music that I can stand and I listen to it occasionally (I'm listening to it now). So sorry to anyone working in retail who has to listen to it on repeat

• competitive: did you have the most lights? Most people round? Fanciest meal? Tell us all about it. Please, call in to the radio because we really care

• unchanging tradition: people who have to have it exactly as it was when they were young and force everyone else to conform to that singular vision

So over the last couple of years I've had time and space to focus on what do I want it to be and I've decided that for me Christmas is about: light and warmth and love.

I don't need anything else but pretty lights to look at, a warm house and the love of my family and friends. I now see Christmas cards as a little present, a bundle of love. I send them with a message because I'm saying that I love you with each one.

I've told my boys they don't need to buy me anything, just their presence is all I need to make me happy.

I make sure to focus on seeing my friends and making sure they know that I appreciate them.

This has all helped massively. I still get the lonely feeling - tonight I'll be by myself on Christmas Eve and that's hard, but I can concentrate on what it means to me and that helps loads.

I hate christmas because of how some people get so stressed out about it all.

Because I have this stupid condition named Avoidant Personality Disorder, which means i long for contact with people, but the more i know them, the more i start avoiding them because i do not trust the contact to be genuine. Add a dash of paranoid traits and *BANG*, you've got the perfect mixture for a complete lack of social contact even if the possibility exists.