Caught her cheating, and when I broke up with her she refused and stabbed me with a fork. I have 4 little scars but one of the fork tines was slightly bent so they don't line up perfectly
this post was submitted on 19 Dec 2025
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I hope you filed a police report for assault and pressed charges. Looks like you dodged a bullet.
but not the fork...
Ha! Beat you by a minute!
He never had his car
But they should have dodged the fork...
Dodged the bullet, didn't see the fork hah. I was young so I just ignored it, although looking back maybe it would have been for the best to report it. Maybe she would have gotten the help she needed.
one of the fork tines was slightly bent so they don't line up perfectly
That would irritate me more than getting forked in the first place.
Please tell me she yelled "fork you"
The scarring sounds funny, are you willing to share a pic of it?
Well, if I’m being completely honest here, I’m the fucked up ex.
Well hey, on the bright side, admitting it is the first step!
Right, but what did you do?
My ex wife contacted me last year claiming she found out she had syphillis and had it the whole time we were married. I got checked, was fine, and started wondering if she was just trying to fuck with me.
Did she call you on April 1st?
If so, best prank ever.
Divorced over a decade, no contact since. My ex and I were in a stupid cult when we married, and apparently he still is. They don't allow remarriage unless one partner has "committed adultery." He wrote saying he sees online that I'm living with another dude, but can I confirm whether or not I've had sex?
I ignored it.
I don't blame you for ignoring it, but I read that as a request for confirmation whether they could remarry or not. I thing I may have replied with the briefest confirmation possible and then refused any other contact.
Not that fucked up, honestly, but here it goes anyway:
Had a GF, we ended up breaking up. And it didn't take much retrospective to realize how much better I felt once everything was over.
Anyway, due to loads of mutual friends we stayed in touch, and it was pretty drama-free, so it wasn'tas complicated as it could've been. Plus when I was in the army a couple of years later I was stationed pretty close to her and those friends. And in the weekends I didn't have much better things to do than to hang out with them.
One weekend all of us were out getting drunk together. It was pretty fun, but I'm pretty sure that she was trying to get some sort of response/reaction from me as she was always physically closest to me and none of the others, and always found a way of making any topic a reference to when we lived together. Not sure if alcohol was part of her decision making, but honestly didn't care, as I just ignored it all and focusing on having a good time with friends. As the small hours arrived and the bar was about to close she found some dude and became a heavy makeout session in public. When it was time to head home (or back to the garrison in my case) we all said our goodbyes. I don't even remember if she was there or not, which should indicate how much I cared about what she did or didn't do that night.
One of my friends asked me what I had to say about it, and I was relieved (and felt kind of clever about) that my earnest response was "Never before in my life have I felt so indifferent".
After my mandatory service was over I moved away elsewhere for work, and we all basically split up. Then she contacted me out of the blue after a long while and said she wanted to visit me. I just told her straight up "No." and that I had a life going on that didn't involve her. Then there were some allusions to her self-harming, and I told her that her mental health was not MY responsibility and hadn't been for a long time, but I was going to call her mom about it (they were really close). I just put my phone away as I heard some protests and fears in the other end. I had stopped caring about things like that from her long before that point. And that was the last time we spoke. 2007 or so.
And just for the record: I ran into one of our mutual friends a while back, and she's still fine.
Did you call her parent?
No, because I knew her well enough to know it was a drama infused act.
Booty call over PlayStation network DMs
😂 LOL
One of my exes once sent me a Facebook friendship request more than 10 years after we'd split up. I'm still traumatised.
~~I've only had amicable breakups (37, male, single), except for this one: when I was still figuring things out in eighth grade, a girl that I had broken up with threatened to pour coke on me - which she was holding in her hand - which made me miss a final exam and the teacher wouldn't have it so I failed the class. Dafuq.~~
Just realized your question was about exes trying to come back to our lives. Never mind.
That's ok, F- that B- that made you fail the class.
Given the story about OP’s exam, I read the “F-“ & “B-“ as grades and thought:
- “F-“ as a verb. I like it.
- “B-“ as a noun? Given the “F-“, it fits.
- ”B-“ for OP’s ex is… generous.
I thought it was F- for misreading the original prompt
These are interesting to me, I never got a chance to experience this stuff myself. I have only 1 ex and it was from a relatively short relationship in high school, I got married to the second girl I ever dated and we're still married decades later.
That first girl did cheat on me, so that sucked, but we never spoke again and I have no idea where she even is at this point.
So your skin is perpetually mildlyinfuriating? What a terrible place for a curse.