No.
this post was submitted on 15 Dec 2025
59 points (88.3% liked)
Ask Lemmy
36045 readers
1488 users here now
A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions
Rules: (interactive)
1) Be nice and; have fun
Doxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them
2) All posts must end with a '?'
This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?
3) No spam
Please do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.
4) NSFW is okay, within reason
Just remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either !asklemmyafterdark@lemmy.world or !asklemmynsfw@lemmynsfw.com.
NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].
5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions.
If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email info@lemmy.world. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.
6) No US Politics.
Please don't post about current US Politics. If you need to do this, try !politicaldiscussion@lemmy.world or !askusa@discuss.online
Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.
Partnered Communities:
Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
Oh.
Ok.
Hi. Trans person here.
This is how The Big Questions start. Good luck.
If you're thinking about what your life would be as the opposite gender, then you're already thought about gender more than most. Doesn't necessarily mean you're any flavor of trans, but generally this isn't something cis folk think about.
No one can tell you who you are, especially an internet stranger. But if OP or anyone else has an answer to what name you would've had as the other sex, than this link is massively helpful in sorting through these thoughts.
load more comments
(1 replies)
I knew the name I would have gotten if had been born a girl for multiple years before I came out as trans and now that is my real name.
So your parents chose your trans name? That's awesome!
Kind of yeah 😊
but are your parents now transparent?
I'm trans so I would have to decline answering, as any other name than my current one would just be asked and used in attempts to hurt me. But I do know exactly what names I would have
Same, but I was thinking that no way I'd go back to the old one. But my current name doesn't have an obvious gender flip, so I'd have to come up with an entirely new name again.
Totally fair. I also have a gender neutral name these days, but since my parents thought names for both a girl and a boy before I was born I'd consider those my woman/man -names. But yeah the reality of being trans is that you can't ever tell any other names, unless you're lying for safety. It's always weaponized
Can you expand on that? Not asking for more personal Info than you want to share but how do people weaponize that? How shitty our our fellow human beings?
I feel a bit out of the loop standing here on my white CIS (is that even the right term?) privilege thinking people are getting better over time because I wouldn’t experience or even notice such things
It's basically because the name you used to have doesn't really matter, it tells nothing about who you are. Some ask it out of curiosity, which is invasive even if it's innocent (often that name reminds you about things you'd rather not remember), but some ask it just so they can use it to misgender you, and you can basically never know for sure is it malicious or not. Even people you thought were your friends might use the name later to hurt you if they get angry or some shit. So the best course of action is to never reveal your deadname to new people you meet. It's gone, it's past, it doesn't matter and nobody should care.
Even if you are cis-passing (nobody can tell you're trans just by looking), being trans means you have to either hide parts of you, or you are kind of fighting a constant battle of people reacting to you being trans. Even if you're in a position good enough for it to not be that malicious, it will wear you down eventually. You might think you're strong enough, that you can casually talk about your past and the name you had, you can take it! You're not a victim! And sure, maybe you can keep that up for couple years if you're lucky, but it gets old fast, and it will wear you down. Telling your deadname is just giving more free ammo to people who are more likely to shoot at you than you'd like
Yeah my name is Clement, so Clementine, like the Walking Dead character. Actually kids in school called me that thinking it was mean... I actually didn't mind.
Clementine is one beautiful name!
Crap. Now i have to go watch Eternal Sunshine and I really don't have the emotional energy for that today.
I'm a woman, my parents already gave me a male name. I never really thought about it until my brother had a son and named him after me.
My (man here) little sister used my unisex middle name as her daughter's name after me. 🥰
She's not my only niece, but that will always be special to me.
Good luck with your transition!!!
If you asked me to pick a different name remaining a guy I don't think I could without a lot of thought.
I have given more thought to what I would change my name to if I was trying to hide as a criminal than I have for if I switched genders.
Can't say I've ever thought about it as a cis male. It's pretty easy to come up with the best sounding derivative though. If you feel that this may be an important choice for you it may benefit you to explore further and perhaps talk to a therapist who has helped others with dysphoria.
It may also help to add that I've gone through phases of not liking my name. It's not a "normal" name and people very often mishear it as something else. Through this I've only ever considered other cis male centric names, also derivatives of my actual name.
I could come up with something contextual on the fly, but it is not a thing I think about. I do not feel a need to navigate or explore my sexual dogma, not that there is anything wrong with doing so. I guess I am lucky to have grown up with experiences that helped me learn what I do and do not find arousing. I think I am open to new experiences, but I generally follow my curiosity wherever it leads and do not care how anyone else feels about that. I'm fiercely loyal, so not in that way.
Can I think about it, or am I at gunpoint?
🔫
Aisha (after the Fennec fox that I couldn't pet at a contact zoo when I was 10 because it was still too young)
Huh, Aisha being too young isn't a problem for some people.
(In Islam, the prophet Mohammed married his wife Aisha when she was 6 and he was 50, but waited until she was 9 to consumate the marriage)
load more comments
(1 replies)
Not really. Probably just the female version of my name
My name has an obvious feminine version, and I like it enough too.
I've personally known only very few women with that name, (it's not uncommon) but the ones I did were gorgeous, so I'd happily put myself in that club if I woke up different tomorrow.
My middle name is already unisex too, so my initials wouldn't even change lol.
I have a gender-neutral name, so I'd probably stick with the same one.
load more comments
(1 replies)
I'd have no idea. Yeah, there's a feminine name I could extract from my current name, but my first impression is that I wouldn't want that. I have no idea.
Good luck with your journey!
No.
I was named after my dad while my first sister born after me was named after my mom. (My parents would not have won any points for originality.)
If I'd been assigned female at birth I would probably have been named after my mom instead, and given the name my sister ended up with rather than just the feminine version of my present name.
As it stands I'm a cis man, but if I suddenly needed to change to a woman's name for some reason my name has a common feminine variant I'd use.
I'm gonna go with no.
My name can be used for both. Lucky me!
My name is not gendered, so I’m good to go.
I'm not really sure how that works as a trans person lol
Actually, I have one at the ready, mostly because my dad used to call my brother and I by our feminine equivalent names to bug us as children (different time, young army guy).
Have not given thought to preferred choices, though, just that one.
I have an agendered one but I'm also legit considering changing it.
I think the female versions of my name sound terrible, so, no on that front.
In general not a thought I've had aside from that. I've always felt comfortable with my gender/sexual orientation.
I don't even like my own name for various reasons but I couldn't make a different choice for my own gender even if I wanted to.
I would end up depressively renaming myself something like Rat Bastard McFuckwit
Or something like Snot Flickerman, am I right?
Unless that's your current name... In which case I've really put my foot in my mouth.
load more comments
(1 replies)
view more: next ›