Ask Lemmy

Gifts don't have to be something you like, want, or need. It's about the thought, care, and love that goes into them. Whether you like new things or old things, it doesn't matter. Gifts have subtext. Your SO probably will equate your love for the gift with your love for them. Use them both. Love them both. Love the people who gave you both.

Down vote me if ya want but I very much feel OP. I always will take an older model or refurnished over some new, overly priced gizmo. I understand that the new thing is maybe an improvement but the capitalist churn of new devices every other week makes me sick. "What's wrong with older devices?", is my shtick. A computer from 2011 will run fine without a copious amount of bloat publishers push. I had a very thoughtful mother in law who fixed my screen on my computer instead of buying me a new laptop. My ex husband on the other hand always wanted the trendiest item Instagram was selling and would request his mom get it for him, we were poor (who would've guess two kids in their 20s were working on our finances). I'm still actively playing my original Xbox One from 16ish years ago, and my console still loads faster than my friends' newer consoles.

OP exhibiting some autistic traits here.

Alls I will say is you pick your battles in marriage and when it comes to things to fight over you gotta sorta ask if its really worth it. I am much like you. To the point where I have had like acquaintances (people you know but are not friends that you hang out with) complain and even want to buy me clothes because they can't stand the old or worn stuff. In particular women. If you are like me was are especially bad about these things even for men. Like stallman level unkeptness. To the point even some male friends will be like. You need to get some better threads. If that is you then she is not likely being totally unreasonable.

You messed up. Plenty of people will tell you that.

I wanted to address the challenge you face with your spouse not accepting that you don't like change.

I find myself to be much the same, and very occasionally my wife tries to get me to change. I've explained it like this:

I don't like change. I find something I love, and I keep it forever. I don't want something new. I don't want something different. I want to keep what I have.

If I say it right and give her a chance to think about it, my wife, who I have been with since I was 16 and she was 15, figures out that she's ok with me not wanting change.

If a gift is given with expectations its not a gift, its a trade you didnt agree to. You have to be able to deny the gift. Maybe you should talk about expectations and preference.