this post was submitted on 06 Nov 2025
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[–] KoboldCoterie@pawb.social 333 points 18 hours ago (8 children)

Lairmore had testified that the sandwich “exploded all over” his chest and claimed he could smell mustard and onions. But a photo showed that the sandwich was still in its wrapper on the ground after it hit Lairmore in his bulletproof vest.

So he perjured himself, then? Surely something's going to come of that? No? Huh, okay, then.

[–] Catoblepas@piefed.blahaj.zone 291 points 18 hours ago (2 children)

If the sandwich did not split, you must acquit!

[–] SacredHeartAttack@lemmy.world 37 points 17 hours ago

comment of the century.

[–] Wilco@lemmy.zip 19 points 16 hours ago

You missed your calling in life. This comment would have blown up the legal world if said in court.

Im sad it wasn't done.

[–] mikenurre@lemmy.world 88 points 18 hours ago (9 children)

He also claimed he felt it through his Kevlar vest. Didn't know sandwiches are more powerful than bullets.

[–] BC_viper@lemmy.world 122 points 18 hours ago (3 children)

To be fair he was a little bitch, and little bitches feel everything.

[–] Zachariah@lemmy.world 17 points 17 hours ago

ironic since they’re heartless

[–] kbobabob@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 points 14 hours ago

Is

Is a little bitch

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[–] silence7@slrpnk.net 57 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

There is a big difference between being able to feel something and being injured by it.

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[–] curbstickle@anarchist.nexus 39 points 18 hours ago

It hit him right in the fee fees, and badly damaged his already fwagile mascuwinity.

[–] Darkassassin07@lemmy.ca 27 points 18 hours ago

You need special plating to handle those sub-sonic sandwiches.

[–] P00ptart@lemmy.world 12 points 16 hours ago

To be fair, while wearing one you can feel someone lightly patting you on the chest. I'm sure he did feel it but no way on earth did it hurt.

[–] partial_accumen@lemmy.world 9 points 17 hours ago

He also claimed he felt it through his Kevlar vest. Didn’t know sandwiches are more powerful than bullets.

Clearly this was a Subway sandwich with an armor piercing tungsten penetrator ingredient. Evidence submitted by the prosecution cited Subway corporation's recent advertising campaign featuring the slogan "I can't get enough of that tungsten!". This branding campaign was, of course, a backpedal from Subway's previous offering of a Depleted Uranium penetrator which was largely shunned by sandwich consumers as being 'unhealthy'. /s

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[–] Hugin@lemmy.world 54 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

So I was on a jury. The officer involved testified on some things that made it sound very bad for the defendant.

Then we saw the body cam of part the interaction. Technically what he said was true but extremely exaggerated. Made us discount everything he said that wasn't on video.

We ended thinking the defendant was probably guilty but they didn't prove it so we decided not guilty.

[–] hardcoreufo@lemmy.world 29 points 13 hours ago

Thats how the jury i was on went but it was before body cams. Basically they said dude was "exchanging small packages for money" implying he was dealing drugs. The cops claimed he tossed the "small packages" when he drove off. They never collected these "small packages" so how do i know what they were?

We all thought dude was probably guilty but that the police work was too shoddy to convict. Cop looked pissed on the way out of court.

[–] TrojanRoomCoffeePot@lemmy.world 25 points 17 hours ago (2 children)

Cops do it constantly. TBH I'd chalk that level of bullshit up to them constantly using ChatGPT to write their reports now, except that they've been pulling the same bullshit forever and getting away with it nearly every single time.

[–] KoboldCoterie@pawb.social 45 points 17 hours ago

I firmly believe that police officer testimony that can't be backed up by bodycam footage shouldn't even be admissible. There's essentially no reason for a cop to not have their bodycam turned on at all times unless they specifically chose to turn it off, so there's no reason we should have to accept testimony without it.

[–] manxu@piefed.social 15 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

Wasn't there a case of police officers badly beating someone and then claiming his blood stains on their uniforms were destruction of police property or some such?

[–] TrojanRoomCoffeePot@lemmy.world 10 points 14 hours ago (4 children)

I'm not aware of that specific case, but yeah that tracks. I've read about incidents where the cops were enraged about things like victims of traffic accidents or assaults by officers being soaked in blood, getting it on them, and stating that they 'didn't want to risk getting hepatitis/AIDS' as justification for declining to provide lifesaving medical intervention. In some cases, the delay in care led to deaths, while they stood by, and weren't censured by their departments.

They've been using seizures from acute health incidents and tazers both as justification for escalation of force because "suspects were resisting" for quite a while.

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[–] ozymandias@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 17 hours ago

it is actually worth pursuing that…
even just posting comments about that on every news video about it on youtube would help.
we have a rare combination of undeniable, clear video evidence vs. sworn testimony in court that is unambiguously a lie.
There’s no real wiggle room on that.
Why not call prosecutors and annoy them? Or send letters to the judge?

[–] TomMasz@lemmy.world 10 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

Such a delicate flower, isn't he?

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[–] the_riviera_kid@lemmy.world 122 points 18 hours ago (4 children)

The fact that this guy had to go to court at all to defend himself is just asinine. These dumb fascist fucks are a bunch of thin skinned bullies.

[–] superglue@lemmy.dbzer0.com 57 points 18 hours ago* (last edited 18 hours ago) (1 children)

Not really sure its because they are thin skinned. Its part of the facist playbook. You have to make an example of anyone that steps out of line.

[–] Empricorn@feddit.nl 34 points 17 hours ago (4 children)

It's also a pretty clear example of SLAPP prosecution.

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[–] Wilco@lemmy.zip 16 points 16 hours ago

This is clearly judicial harrassment ... this prosecutor is now likely to lose his job. If sandwich guy is smart he will sue about 4-5 different people/groups.

DC is practicing Jury Nullification ... wondering if the Juries there would steamroll these lawsuits forward.

[–] ccunning@lemmy.world 9 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

Any time the prosecution wasted on this is time not spent on something else

I’m sorry you had to waste your time, but thank you for your service sub sandwich guy 🫡

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[–] atzanteol@sh.itjust.works 106 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

Border Patrol Officer Greg Lairmore received two "gag gifts" related to the incident — a plush sandwich and a patch featuring a cartoon of Dunn throwing the sandwich with the words “Felony Footlong” — which the defense team argued showed this was not a serious event in his life.

That is amazing.

[–] FordBeeblebrox@lemmy.world 26 points 16 hours ago

Did John Oliver send those?

[–] HailSeitan@lemmy.world 51 points 15 hours ago (7 children)

Continuing the great American tradition of jury nullification

[–] aeternum@lemmy.blahaj.zone 28 points 14 hours ago

here's hoping Luigi and Tyler get off too for the same reason.

[–] Gates9@sh.itjust.works 13 points 14 hours ago

It’s actually pretty insane that this has happened, what, twice now in only a few weeks, both cases related to the fed occupations. I can’t even remember the last time an acquittal like this happened before that, though I don’t follow this stuff closely. I think OJ is the last one I’m aware of but that’s obviously a totally different situation. I was definitely expecting s different outcome, but good for him. I remember in the video they called him “Superman”, lol. I guess so!

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[–] iAmTheTot@sh.itjust.works 39 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

The jury — which feasted on sandwiches for lunch Thursday, according to a person familiar with jury lunches — deliberated the charges for several hours Wednesday and Thursday before delivering the verdict.

[–] Bonesince1997@lemmy.world 9 points 16 hours ago

Is that jury tampering? Lol

[–] Assassassin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 39 points 18 hours ago (14 children)

Sooooo new trend? Subs for fascists?

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[–] Widdershins@lemmy.world 23 points 18 hours ago (2 children)

Every day goes by seeing this in the news and I am reminded of child criminal Brendon Chaney.

WARNING: This kid is a criminal
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[–] tpihkal@lemmy.world 11 points 17 hours ago

You forgot to mention the part where he yelled, "Eat my shorts!", before riding off on his skateboard.

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[–] NatakuNox@lemmy.world 21 points 15 hours ago

🎶There goes my hero... Watch him as he throws! 🎵

[–] manxu@piefed.social 20 points 17 hours ago

Soooo... We PAID for this B.S. We paid for the arrest, check the number of uniformed tax-payer funded officers. We paid for the prosecution, we paid for the court, we paid for the jury, we paid and paid AFTER the famously sandwich-indicting Grand Jury wouldn't touch this case.

Somehow it feels like the DA should be relieved of their duties.

[–] IronpigsWizard@lemmy.world 19 points 17 hours ago (2 children)
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[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 17 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

A jury of the defendant's peers just said "FUCK YOU!"

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[–] Zombiepirate@lemmy.world 16 points 16 hours ago

🎵🎶There goes my gyro

[–] Pacattack57@lemmy.world 15 points 14 hours ago

If the sandwhich don’t fit you must acquit!

[–] aesthelete@lemmy.world 15 points 14 hours ago* (last edited 14 hours ago)

Ahahaha, what a hero

[–] OctopusNemeses@lemmy.world 14 points 17 hours ago

I picture the jury savoring their lunch sandwich and one of them being like, "So... not guilty?". Everyone nods and goes back to working on their sandwich.

[–] pelespirit@sh.itjust.works 11 points 17 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago) (2 children)

Why is there an FBI guy there? Also, masks off when arresting, very weird.

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[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 9 points 17 hours ago

Trump will give him a Purple Heart for "surviving a sub attack with mustard-based WMDs". Semper Fudge

[–] Witchfire@lemmy.world 9 points 14 hours ago (1 children)
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