this post was submitted on 06 Nov 2025
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[–] KoboldCoterie@pawb.social 308 points 12 hours ago (8 children)

Lairmore had testified that the sandwich “exploded all over” his chest and claimed he could smell mustard and onions. But a photo showed that the sandwich was still in its wrapper on the ground after it hit Lairmore in his bulletproof vest.

So he perjured himself, then? Surely something's going to come of that? No? Huh, okay, then.

[–] Catoblepas@piefed.blahaj.zone 265 points 12 hours ago (2 children)

If the sandwich did not split, you must acquit!

[–] SacredHeartAttack@lemmy.world 34 points 12 hours ago

comment of the century.

[–] Wilco@lemmy.zip 14 points 10 hours ago

You missed your calling in life. This comment would have blown up the legal world if said in court.

Im sad it wasn't done.

[–] mikenurre@lemmy.world 78 points 12 hours ago (7 children)

He also claimed he felt it through his Kevlar vest. Didn't know sandwiches are more powerful than bullets.

[–] BC_viper@lemmy.world 112 points 12 hours ago (2 children)

To be fair he was a little bitch, and little bitches feel everything.

[–] Zachariah@lemmy.world 17 points 12 hours ago

ironic since they’re heartless

[–] kbobabob@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 9 hours ago

Is

Is a little bitch

[–] silence7@slrpnk.net 52 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

There is a big difference between being able to feel something and being injured by it.

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[–] curbstickle@anarchist.nexus 35 points 12 hours ago

It hit him right in the fee fees, and badly damaged his already fwagile mascuwinity.

[–] Darkassassin07@lemmy.ca 27 points 12 hours ago

You need special plating to handle those sub-sonic sandwiches.

[–] P00ptart@lemmy.world 10 points 11 hours ago

To be fair, while wearing one you can feel someone lightly patting you on the chest. I'm sure he did feel it but no way on earth did it hurt.

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[–] Hugin@lemmy.world 39 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

So I was on a jury. The officer involved testified on some things that made it sound very bad for the defendant.

Then we saw the body cam of part the interaction. Technically what he said was true but extremely exaggerated. Made us discount everything he said that wasn't on video.

We ended thinking the defendant was probably guilty but they didn't prove it so we decided not guilty.

[–] hardcoreufo@lemmy.world 15 points 8 hours ago

Thats how the jury i was on went but it was before body cams. Basically they said dude was "exchanging small packages for money" implying he was dealing drugs. The cops claimed he tossed the "small packages" when he drove off. They never collected these "small packages" so how do i know what they were?

We all thought dude was probably guilty but that the police work was too shoddy to convict. Cop looked pissed on the way out of court.

[–] TrojanRoomCoffeePot@lemmy.world 21 points 11 hours ago (2 children)

Cops do it constantly. TBH I'd chalk that level of bullshit up to them constantly using ChatGPT to write their reports now, except that they've been pulling the same bullshit forever and getting away with it nearly every single time.

[–] KoboldCoterie@pawb.social 37 points 11 hours ago

I firmly believe that police officer testimony that can't be backed up by bodycam footage shouldn't even be admissible. There's essentially no reason for a cop to not have their bodycam turned on at all times unless they specifically chose to turn it off, so there's no reason we should have to accept testimony without it.

[–] manxu@piefed.social 13 points 11 hours ago (3 children)

Wasn't there a case of police officers badly beating someone and then claiming his blood stains on their uniforms were destruction of police property or some such?

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[–] TomMasz@lemmy.world 8 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

Such a delicate flower, isn't he?

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[–] the_riviera_kid@lemmy.world 115 points 12 hours ago (5 children)

The fact that this guy had to go to court at all to defend himself is just asinine. These dumb fascist fucks are a bunch of thin skinned bullies.

[–] superglue@lemmy.dbzer0.com 54 points 12 hours ago* (last edited 12 hours ago) (1 children)

Not really sure its because they are thin skinned. Its part of the facist playbook. You have to make an example of anyone that steps out of line.

[–] Empricorn@feddit.nl 33 points 12 hours ago (3 children)

It's also a pretty clear example of SLAPP prosecution.

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[–] Wilco@lemmy.zip 13 points 10 hours ago

This is clearly judicial harrassment ... this prosecutor is now likely to lose his job. If sandwich guy is smart he will sue about 4-5 different people/groups.

DC is practicing Jury Nullification ... wondering if the Juries there would steamroll these lawsuits forward.

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[–] atzanteol@sh.itjust.works 98 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

Border Patrol Officer Greg Lairmore received two "gag gifts" related to the incident — a plush sandwich and a patch featuring a cartoon of Dunn throwing the sandwich with the words “Felony Footlong” — which the defense team argued showed this was not a serious event in his life.

That is amazing.

[–] FordBeeblebrox@lemmy.world 23 points 10 hours ago

Did John Oliver send those?

[–] HailSeitan@lemmy.world 43 points 9 hours ago (7 children)

Continuing the great American tradition of jury nullification

[–] aeternum@lemmy.blahaj.zone 21 points 8 hours ago

here's hoping Luigi and Tyler get off too for the same reason.

[–] Gates9@sh.itjust.works 9 points 8 hours ago

It’s actually pretty insane that this has happened, what, twice now in only a few weeks, both cases related to the fed occupations. I can’t even remember the last time an acquittal like this happened before that, though I don’t follow this stuff closely. I think OJ is the last one I’m aware of but that’s obviously a totally different situation. I was definitely expecting s different outcome, but good for him. I remember in the video they called him “Superman”, lol. I guess so!

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[–] Assassassin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 39 points 12 hours ago (13 children)

Sooooo new trend? Subs for fascists?

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[–] iAmTheTot@sh.itjust.works 35 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

The jury — which feasted on sandwiches for lunch Thursday, according to a person familiar with jury lunches — deliberated the charges for several hours Wednesday and Thursday before delivering the verdict.

[–] Bonesince1997@lemmy.world 8 points 10 hours ago

Is that jury tampering? Lol

[–] Widdershins@lemmy.world 22 points 12 hours ago (2 children)

Every day goes by seeing this in the news and I am reminded of child criminal Brendon Chaney.

WARNING: This kid is a criminal
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[–] tpihkal@lemmy.world 10 points 12 hours ago

You forgot to mention the part where he yelled, "Eat my shorts!", before riding off on his skateboard.

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[–] IronpigsWizard@lemmy.world 19 points 11 hours ago (1 children)
[–] Lemminary@lemmy.world 8 points 10 hours ago (1 children)
[–] dhork@lemmy.world 7 points 9 hours ago

That guy got himself out of quite the pickle

[–] NatakuNox@lemmy.world 18 points 9 hours ago

🎶There goes my hero... Watch him as he throws! 🎵

[–] manxu@piefed.social 18 points 11 hours ago

Soooo... We PAID for this B.S. We paid for the arrest, check the number of uniformed tax-payer funded officers. We paid for the prosecution, we paid for the court, we paid for the jury, we paid and paid AFTER the famously sandwich-indicting Grand Jury wouldn't touch this case.

Somehow it feels like the DA should be relieved of their duties.

[–] Zombiepirate@lemmy.world 16 points 11 hours ago

🎵🎶There goes my gyro

[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 14 points 7 hours ago

A jury of the defendant's peers just said "FUCK YOU!"

[–] Pacattack57@lemmy.world 14 points 8 hours ago

If the sandwhich don’t fit you must acquit!

[–] OctopusNemeses@lemmy.world 13 points 11 hours ago

I picture the jury savoring their lunch sandwich and one of them being like, "So... not guilty?". Everyone nods and goes back to working on their sandwich.

[–] aesthelete@lemmy.world 12 points 8 hours ago* (last edited 8 hours ago)

Ahahaha, what a hero

[–] pelespirit@sh.itjust.works 9 points 12 hours ago* (last edited 11 hours ago) (2 children)

Why is there an FBI guy there? Also, masks off when arresting, very weird.

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[–] motor_spirit@lemmy.world 9 points 12 hours ago

huge w for sanity, marvelous work

[–] riskable@programming.dev 8 points 11 hours ago

That's a wrap on this injustice. Lettuce celebrate!

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 8 points 11 hours ago

Trump will give him a Purple Heart for "surviving a sub attack with mustard-based WMDs". Semper Fudge

[–] Witchfire@lemmy.world 8 points 8 hours ago (1 children)
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