Ask Lemmy

Oh mine is very simple and not much to ask at all: I just want pure, unlimited, godlike omnipotence.

I promise to use it in every irresponsible way imaginable.

Be able to do stuff, at will.

My answer to this question is always teleportation, including my clothes and anyone I’m touching (and their clothes). And the ability to not appear inside solid objects. No more traffic. No more passports or visas. No more long multi-hour drives or long haul flights.

Bend probability to my will.

Example: Jump out of a plane (see a bowl of petunias and a sperm whale on the way down), bend probability so that against all odds; I start to fly.

The power to instantly, constantly, automatically, and effortlessly transmute the bone marrow of every single individual on Earth who is being harmful to humanity's progress and wellbeing (fascists, billionaires, global warming denialists, mimes, and so on) into molten lead.

I’ve always liked the idea of time manipulation- stopping, starting, speeding up, slowing down, rewinding time. It has a lot of uses like giving me as much time as I need to get ready in the morning and doing good in the world in ways I won’t mention.

The older I get, the more I'm sure it's healing/regeneration. Wolverine didn't have a sore back after digging an afternoon in the yard or sleeping without a pillow between his knees.

I have two choices depending on my role in the narrative.

1: unrestricted ability to grant other people powers with the requirement that I keep them balanced both in power scale and moral direct as well as not being able to use the powers on myself either on my own or through proxy.

2: I'm the Thing from Carpenter's 1982 movie The Thing but every cell is me and under my control. If need be, I can consume an injury's worth of biological mass to heal. I would mostly use this to get out of conversions by bisecting my face and spagetti-ing before returning to normal, apologizing for that, and saying I should go take my meds.

The power in Jumper would be damn legit. Teleportation.

Criminally under rated movie.

Unlimited do overs. I can save, load and redo any point of my life at will. Caveat, death grants me access to the load game function.

Teleport. See the world, visit everywhere, without enduring planes,trains,cars , nipping home for a quick 15minute alone time and being able to sleep in my own bed every night.

Being able to stop time. Unlimited sleep.

To be able to talk to animals. Really just so I can talk to my dog who is losing the ability to walk, so me and her vet can help her; where it hurts, are the drugs helping. So I know exactly what she needs and where she wants to go when she's barking at me for help getting up and walking.
So I can explain to my boy dog why we don't go on walks as often or as far, why he can't rough house with her anymore.

extreme cum

Shapeshifter: it’s broken as hell if you take it to the molecular level. Shapeshift into something that can fly, into a very thin transparent film on the ceiling of a room, into something which can withstand great temperatures or bullets, hell, you can even shapeshift into something that photosynthesizes.

I want time travel like a video game or Git handles it. I want to be able to save and load timelines.

Is third person empath a thing? Like being able to have what one person is experiencing be felt emotionally by another person? I would do that, then really fuck up the day of an ICE agent.

Technopathy. Being able to sense and manipulate electronics/electricity flows to "hack" computers and less smart hardware by waving my hands and "wishing" the outcome I wanted would make my life so much easier.

I could charge a good rate for my ability and my learnt knowledge as well take down huge tech companies.

I wanna teleport things. I'll use this to make money, among other things.

I want a familiar named Git that obeys me.

Hey! That annoying guy that you hate speaking with is coming towards you

Git, push!

Would you look at that! What an amazing thing

Git, pull!

Oooh. What a great idea!

Git, commit!

There’s no way I said that, you must be remembering wrong

Git, diff!

So many possibilities

Edit: bonus points if you guess what I’d be stashing all the time

In order of preference:

1. Immortality
2. Shapeshifting
3. The ability to look at something and immediately know what it is and what it's worth (would make flea market and thrift store visits a lot more efficient)

Normally I would say teleportation or the ability to fly but in 2025 I think I could solve some big problems with mind control.

The ability to reset my life from and resume from any "save point".

For the purposes of this power there are two kinds of "save points":

• autosave points (yearly, on one's birthday)
• regular save points (done at-will as part of the power)

Why? Who hasn't indulged in the what-ifs of life? What if I can revisit certain points in my life and relive those what-ifs myself?

Every poop is a no-wiper.

A healing touch.

Teleportation. Most superpowers would be either useless on a day-to-day basis or - as another commenter suggested - would make you too inhuman to continue to have meaningful interpersonal relations with other normal humans.

And it would allow you to have a croissant in Paris for breakfast, spend the morning strolling along a beach in the Caribbean, pop across to a great barbecue place in Texas for lunch, pass the afternoon exploring the ruins of Pompei before an evening meal of scallops in Hobart. Even just not worrying about the daily commute, always being able to 'port home to use your own toilet during the day, just mundane stuff like that would be grand.

Shapeshifting so I can impersonate people. I love Mystique in the X-men.

Super Siri that can answer any questions.

"How do I build a time machine?"

"Is there any hidden treasure around here?"

"How do I make myself immortal?"