this post was submitted on 25 Sep 2025
1063 points (99.3% liked)

Programmer Humor

27117 readers
1638 users here now

Welcome to Programmer Humor!

This is a place where you can post jokes, memes, humor, etc. related to programming!

For sharing awful code theres also Programming Horror.

Rules

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

Only valid in PHP?

top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] IcedRaktajino@startrek.website 89 points 1 month ago (3 children)

The only thing worse than that is emailing them a simple boolean question and then your phone rings.

[–] kautau@lemmy.world 30 points 1 month ago

That’s a closure

[–] Aurenkin@sh.itjust.works 13 points 1 month ago (1 children)

When you aren't feeling that async energy but you still get a callback.

[–] jaybone@lemmy.zip 5 points 1 month ago

I didn’t even register a callback. How the hell did code start randomly executing from here?

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Robyn@lemmy.blahaj.zone 56 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Similarly it also grinds my gears when I ask an enum question but they return a bool. I gave multiple options and “yes” was not one of them.

[–] Pipster@lemmy.blahaj.zone 17 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Sounds like a problem in the question. "Yes" is a perfectly valid response to "Do you want eggs or cheese"?

[–] Szyler@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

Include or is the funniest answers when possible. I do it all the time to confuse neurotypicals.

[–] user224@lemmy.sdf.org 2 points 1 month ago

I usually use yes/no for the first condition if it's XOR with 2 options (thus the second yes/no is implied).

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] onslaught545@lemmy.zip 25 points 1 month ago (1 children)

My relationship is the opposite. My wife asks me a boolean question but expects a string response.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] rustydrd@sh.itjust.works 22 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Also bad: When you ask XOR questions, but people think they're funny and give you OR answers instead.

[–] AnarchistArtificer@slrpnk.net 7 points 1 month ago

Sometimes, (amongst friends who accept how thoroughly weird I am) I will actually say "XOR" when I want to make my intentions clear. It means that when they give the silly OR answer, I can jokingly chastise them for poor listening. The downside is that they relish the opportunity to give OR answers when I am not sufficiently specific in my question. I reap what I sow ¯_(ツ)_/¯

[–] mnemonicmonkeys@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 month ago

Personally, people tend to ask me XOR questions where the answer actually is "both"

[–] DigitalMus@feddit.dk 5 points 1 month ago

Why not both?

[–] pcrazee@feddit.org 2 points 1 month ago
[–] Kyrgizion@lemmy.world 21 points 1 month ago (1 children)

"What's the error message?"

"I don't know, isn't that your job to figure out?"

[–] Penguin_1024@lemmy.sdf.org 10 points 1 month ago

"No sir/ma'am/other honorific

My job is to figure out what the error message means and how to repair it."

[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 19 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

I like doing the reverse.

Like if someone asks me if I want A or B, and I'll say yes.

Logically, as long as I want one of those things, the answer is "true"

.... People hate talking to me.

[–] MML@sh.itjust.works 8 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Call your mother, she'd love a chat.

[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 5 points 1 month ago

I should. We've been estranged for nearly a decade. I should just do it to be an annoying prick.

[–] Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago

Are you sure?

[–] Hupf@feddit.org 3 points 1 month ago
[–] HalfSalesman@lemmy.world 17 points 1 month ago (1 children)

People want a yes or no so they can generate their own hallucinated string based on it. The returned string is just trying to get ahead of that.

[–] Windex007@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago

Sometimes.

In those cases, "there isn't a yes/no answer to your question because..."

I ask my jrs simple yes/no questions all the time.

Did you open a PR? Does it pass the CI pipeline? Did you write a test for scenario X?

I'm here to help you, but my time is unfortunately limited. If it takes half of our available time just to drag out of you where you're at we're all worse off for it.

[–] capuccino@lemmy.world 14 points 1 month ago
[–] fleck@lemmy.world 13 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

At work, I have a very knowledgeable colleague who is quite the Linux nerd. I have been moved into their department and I feel like they never had the chance to share all of their accumulated knowledge with someone, so they kinda dump it onto me and every little question has the chance to become a lecture. I am very thankful for it though, because I get learn a ton but sometimes you just wanna get a bool, without learning kernel internals that are absolutely not related to the question

[–] AnarchistArtificer@slrpnk.net 4 points 1 month ago

I feel this. I've found that a good response in those circumstances is to say "sorry, can we put a pin in this? I feel like I don't have the capacity to properly process what you're telling me right now, so I'd rather we resume this conversation at a later point. Thanks for helping me figure out [bool question] though."

It's a useful response if one genuinely is interested to learn, but not at that moment.

[–] death_to_carrots@feddit.org 11 points 1 month ago

"Have I done well?"

HTTP status: 200 HTTP data: "{'status': 'error'}"

[–] TheReturnOfPEB@reddthat.com 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] schnurrito@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 1 month ago

Or maybe "yeah, right"

[–] fibojoly@sh.itjust.works 8 points 1 month ago (2 children)
[–] Clent@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] fibojoly@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 month ago

I wish I could say I have never seen that one...

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] lessthanluigi@lemmy.sdf.org 7 points 1 month ago

Fukin tru tho

[–] lemmyng@piefed.ca 7 points 1 month ago

I'm throwing a stack trace, alright?

[–] peoplebeproblems@midwest.social 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Is this why a bunch of us senior engineers have been forced into a product owner role?

Because we can somehow deal with string parsing better? Jesus fuck we're doomed

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 1 month ago

When you ask someone a linguistics question and they answer in COBOL

[–] peacepath@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Simple javscript casting, if the string contains at least one char, it means yes ; else it means no.

[–] Valmond@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] peacepath@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago

I think javscrpit caste the strings "0" and "false" to true, yes...

[–] Sunsofold@lemmings.world 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

TypeError:
Type Boolean not used by Reality, please inplort module 'ImaginaryThings' to use type Boolean.
Warning: Use of module 'ImaginaryThings' may produce inconsistent results.

[–] bastion@feddit.nl 2 points 1 month ago

I was just about to say that I'd be raising an error, not returning a string.

I see you understand the code well.

[–] teegus@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 month ago

Kash Patel when asked if trump is in the Epstein files be like

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 4 points 1 month ago

"Are you Kolanaki?"

"Y-E-S."

[–] stupidcasey@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago (2 children)

That's when you just shake your head and say True, True.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] danc4498@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago

Or when you ask them to choose an index from an array and they give you their life story instead.

[–] joyjoy@lemmy.zip 3 points 1 month ago
declare function permission(): 'allow' | 'deny' | 'always'
[–] goatinspace@feddit.org 2 points 1 month ago
[–] Bakkoda@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 month ago

"JAVA solves this problem by ..."

  • RIT in the fall, 2001
load more comments
view more: next ›