this post was submitted on 08 Sep 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] Ravi@feddit.org 71 points 6 days ago (3 children)

Green pill = infinite money cheat. Turn all the plastic trash, nuclear waste etc. into bio mass

[–] MrMcGasion@lemmy.world 63 points 6 days ago (5 children)

You could go the evil route and become a hitman as well, or rather a shitman, turning your targets into poo.

[–] LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.world 18 points 6 days ago (2 children)

Just need to keep your talent a secret. Put on your mask, grab a shovel, turn all the walls between you and the bank vault to shit, take what you need and leave. Cops come, the bullets/guns/cuffs police left feet to poo. Wash the money figuratively once done cleaning it literally, then figure out your next step.

[–] usualsuspect191@lemmy.ca 8 points 5 days ago (1 children)
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[–] programmer_belch@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Poop at ballistic speeds can still kill you, I guess if the power has unlimited range you are safe by turning the guns into poop before they shoot.

If the power works by contact as is usually the case, you would need a team to rob the bank, it would be the same as having a very fast drill to break the vault.

[–] LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.world 3 points 5 days ago (2 children)

Yeah if someone is shooting at you it's a bit late. Being that the character didn't have a weapon on them I was hoping for a bit of not immediately murder him energy.

Although I suppose once they get there you could just create a couple feet thick wall of shit out of the air around you making an escape funnel. Until you can block their view and escape.

Without having a range/time to perform/nor limits on how much can be converted it really is pretty powerful.

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[–] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 5 points 5 days ago

I have a few people in mind. Nobody I know personally, though.

[–] frog@feddit.uk 4 points 5 days ago

Imagine Death Note replaced with this power instead.

[–] KSPAtlas@sopuli.xyz 3 points 5 days ago

targets dropping dead as I turn their brains to poo

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[–] CoffeeJunkie@lemmy.cafe 62 points 5 days ago (17 children)

Green pill would be the best power, hands down, no contest. It would be a very, well, green superpower.

Demolition jobs all around the country, regular houses cost $4-8 per square foot. Underbid & you get every job. Old warehouses? Poo. Toxic landfills? Poo. Asbestos? Poo. Old tech waste that's processed for valuable metals first? Poo. Forever chemicals? Not anymore, poo. Radioactive nuclear waste that costs us $6B every year according to this? Get a government contract for $5B per year for 100+ years with unlimited paid travel/room/board for you & all your family, travel to all the storage sites & turn all the nuclear waste into poo. Travel the US. Travel the world! You're the Poo Man. Eliminating radioactive nuclear waste & creating fertilizer. Everyone would pay top dollar for your fantastic services. Getting old, sick of earth? Go to the moon, go to Mars, Mars can use lots & lots of nutrient rich poo to help terraform in the future.

There would be almost no limit to the amount of good you could do, with poo...yes, you can use it to rob banks. If you're fucking dumb. Or you could legally shake down & radically transform the entire world, make them pay you & your descendants like kings, and if they're smart they'll thank you for your services. Poo Man. All day, every day, you'd be the richest man on earth (or Mars) & arguably super super ethical, too. Win-win.

You show up at the capitol to turn Congress into poo.

It doesn't work, because they're already full of shit.

[–] iAvicenna@lemmy.world 12 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Netanyahu? instant poo. Trump, Putin? Instant poo. Turn shitty humans to shit and cut the middle man.

[–] CarbonIceDragon@pawb.social 8 points 5 days ago (2 children)

Technically any human was already capable of doing that, the pill doesn't say that it's necessarily something you can just instantly do at a distance with your mind.

[–] atopi@piefed.blahaj.zone 6 points 5 days ago (3 children)

You couldnt tranform a black hole if there was a range limit, which would mean you couldnt transform anything

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[–] blarghly@lemmy.world 9 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I was thinking blue, since you could sell the thorium. But no, you're making a solid case here...

[–] qupada@fedia.io 5 points 5 days ago

If their case is too solid, try eating more fibre.

[–] programmer_belch@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 5 days ago (2 children)

That's pretty cool until CIA or another government intelligence kidnaps you to keep you inside a box converting everything you touch into poop, giving them an advantage against other countries

[–] wdx@feddit.org 13 points 5 days ago (1 children)

turn the kidnappers into poo

Ah Mr Bond but that's why I am wearing a suit made out of poo, your power cannot affect me inside my fecal encasing

[–] CoffeeJunkie@lemmy.cafe 8 points 5 days ago

Turn the box into poop! Turn all kidnappers to poop!

That's a good point. Idk you would probably have to have a robust security detail. Which you can afford, or probably again twist the arm of America to provide for you at taxpayer expense. 🙂 All things are negotiable.

You can do so much good with that power, you'd be one of the best people to exist ever in the history of mankind. You'd simply have to use that power. For good.

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[–] Formfiller@lemmy.world 28 points 5 days ago (6 children)

I think I would take turn anything into poo. Trump, Netanyahu, Putin and every billionaire would be instantly poo

[–] daggermoon@lemmy.world 5 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Can you add Kid Rock to your turn to poo list please?

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[–] Rolive@discuss.tchncs.de 4 points 4 days ago

Nothing changes.

[–] steve@lemmy.ca 4 points 5 days ago (1 children)

They're already pretty shitty

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[–] Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 4 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Then the Copromancer saved the world and never went on a vindictive pooing spree driven mad by his own unstoppable power, The End

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[–] lightnsfw@reddthat.com 3 points 4 days ago

Start with just the roof of their mouths.

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[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 28 points 6 days ago (3 children)

You literally already have the power of the green pill. Don't take that one.

[–] CIA_chatbot@lemmy.world 13 points 6 days ago

I have this power - I turned the entire Republican Party into shit and everything got WAY worse

[–] abbadon420@sh.itjust.works 4 points 6 days ago (2 children)

I'd love to see you turn cyanide into poo. Better act fast!

[–] SSUPII@sopuli.xyz 6 points 6 days ago

Eat a bunch of apple seeds

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[–] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 3 points 5 days ago

But some of that stuff isn't very pleasant to eat.

[–] python@lemmy.world 26 points 5 days ago

Black pill's gonna have some mysterious side effects with my other medication

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[–] Steamymoomilk@sh.itjust.works 24 points 6 days ago (1 children)

When we say lifetime supply of thorium. Does it mean the receivers lifetime Or the thorium's lifetime???

[–] AreaKode@lemmy.world 5 points 6 days ago (2 children)

Is it lifetime or halflifetime?

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[–] Derpenheim@lemmy.zip 21 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Im taking the black pill every time. I got a lot of retard to undo

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[–] Jean_le_Flambeur@discuss.tchncs.de 16 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (2 children)

I take green and Start with all weapons on earth. Imagine the redneck waking up with poop under their pillow, poop on their walls and whole cabinets filled with poop. Fkin hilarious

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[–] Mac@mander.xyz 13 points 5 days ago

Black pill. Please cure me of my ailments.

I would be un-fucking-stoppable as a normie.

[–] pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone 12 points 5 days ago

Neurotypical pill pls

[–] balderdash9@lemmy.zip 12 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

Turn anything into poo: turn plastic waste into manure/fertilizer. Millionaire pretty quick. Could also become a supervillian.

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[–] cabron_offsets@lemmy.world 9 points 6 days ago

Green mang. Turn orange into brown nahmean?

[–] Geodad@lemmy.world 7 points 4 days ago

Absolutely green. So many people would turn to shit that the remaining minority would ask if this was the rapture.

[–] lena@gregtech.eu 6 points 6 days ago

Green, I'd turn trump into poo

[–] Una@europe.pub 5 points 6 days ago
[–] Aggravationstation@feddit.uk 4 points 5 days ago (1 children)

How much thorium does the average person use in one lifetime?

[–] filcuk@lemmy.zip 9 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Somewhat unfunny answer: a 3cm diameter ball of thorium, that easily fits into one's palm by size, should be enough to provide all power an individual uses in a lifetime.
This can change a lot based on usage and actual power generation efficiency.

[–] Aggravationstation@feddit.uk 4 points 5 days ago

Well, now I know what I'm buying everyone for Christmas

[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 4 points 5 days ago (3 children)
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[–] rustyfish@lemmy.world 4 points 5 days ago

The black one. You know what? I take two, just to be sure.

[–] joyjoy@lemmy.zip 3 points 4 days ago

Too complex. I somehow mixed 2 of them and lemm.ee died

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