this post was submitted on 05 Sep 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] baggins@lemmy.ca 104 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (3 children)

What is the charge?! Eating a meal? A succulent Chinese meal?

[–] dditty@lemmy.dbzer0.com 38 points 1 week ago (2 children)

What is the charge?! ~~Eating~~ Boofing a meal? A succulent Chinese meal?

[–] buycurious@lemmy.world 17 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Get your hands off my ~~penis~~ anus!

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[–] stupidcasey@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago

Sir, sir! mastication before masterbation.

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[–] First_Thunder@lemmy.zip 45 points 1 week ago

Literally 1984

[–] Void@lemmings.world 44 points 1 week ago (4 children)

First they came for the spring rolls...

[–] ieatpwns@lemmy.world 22 points 1 week ago

Then I came for the spring rolls

[–] Una@europe.pub 16 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Actually, they first came for anal beads, chess scandal :3

[–] dditty@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] Una@europe.pub 6 points 1 week ago

NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[–] LillyPip@lemmy.ca 4 points 1 week ago

You’re saying I should make anal beads from spring rolls?

Way ahead of you.

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@thelemmy.club 7 points 1 week ago

And I said "Hey, I was stuffing those up my ass!! Get your own!"

[–] lugal@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 1 week ago

And I stayed silent because I wasn't a spring roll

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 31 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Why? Why shouldn't I put a spring roll up me bum?

[–] gibmiser@lemmy.world 48 points 1 week ago (2 children)

the ring isn't flared at the base that's why

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[–] davidagain@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago

Funniest meme of the day.

[–] Typhoon@lemmy.ca 9 points 1 week ago

Because it offends everyone else at the Chinese buffet.

[–] simplejack@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Because it means you have to poop out your mouth.

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[–] Gork@sopuli.xyz 17 points 1 week ago (1 children)

You need spring rolls with flared bases for that.

[–] Grostleton@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 points 1 week ago

Nah, it's fine. It's digestible so you'll just pass it out the other end if you lose hold of it.

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[–] don@lemmy.ca 17 points 1 week ago (1 children)

My spring rolls, my choice.

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@thelemmy.club 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Why so strict? Let loose a little, give the choice to put juicy Asian rolls up you butt to someone else ...

[–] don@lemmy.ca 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

💢**MY FUCKING SPRING ROLLS, MY FUCKING CHOICE, GODDAMMIT!**💢

(Much amgery stomping noises ~fading off into the distance~)

[DOOR SLAMS VIOLENTLY, KNOCKING SEVERAL DECORATIVE DISHES FROM THEIR DISPLAY STANDS. END OF SCENE.]

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@thelemmy.club 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

[the audience gets served fresh spring rolls]

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[–] barnaclebutt@lemmy.world 15 points 1 week ago

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Fuck you I won't do what you tell me.

[–] Derpenheim@lemmy.zip 15 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Fuckin Big Pharma, at it again

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[–] hardcoreufo@lemmy.world 13 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 11 points 1 week ago

Lest I checked, this was a free country

[–] MudMan@fedia.io 11 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I mean... I'm trying to be snarky, but I'm finding it hard to argue that it's bad advice.

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@thelemmy.club 5 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Other people in the restaurant?

Me asking the delivery person to "feed" them to me?

One too many springs in my bum causes me to bounce?

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[–] Bucky@okaythen.lol 10 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Are egg rolls still fair game though?

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[–] Venus_Ziegenfalle@feddit.org 10 points 1 week ago

Patients are warning doctors to mind their own business

[–] 0ops@piefed.zip 10 points 1 week ago

Good to know, I was sitting on the fence about this. Funny enough, the doctor said I shouldn't be boofing fenceposts either, but I'll wait until there's a consensus on that, I think.

DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO SCIENCE MAN.

[–] Lemmyoutofhere@lemmy.ca 7 points 1 week ago (2 children)
[–] workerONE@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)
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[–] davidagain@lemmy.world 7 points 1 week ago (1 children)

The only thing you should put in your anus is your elbow.

No, wait, that's ears.

The only thing you should put in your anus is your ear.

No, no, that's still not right.

The only think you should put in your anus is something with a flared base.*

*If you're worrying about whether your boyfriend's penis has a flared base and you can't find a tape measure, recall that most penises are not readily detachable, and most boyfriends have hips wider than their penis, so you're in the clear.

If you're worried that this advice doesn't apply simply because you don't have a boyfriend, there's an app for that.

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[–] FosterMolasses@leminal.space 7 points 1 week ago

With a pic of the perfect girth of spring rolls lmao

(Also 69th comment 🤙)

Health and safety gone mad

[–] hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 1 week ago

I can do whatever I want >:(

[–] Imhotep@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago

I'm a bit upset people would do that with such good food.

[–] HikingVet@lemmy.ca 4 points 1 week ago

AI or Stupid humans?

Sellouts.

MAHA says veggies are important.

[–] Ypsilenna@lemmy.zip 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Awww, puts them back in the fridge

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[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 4 points 1 week ago (2 children)

About 10 years ago, I went out at the beginning of the summer to buy a few fresh pool noodles, and couldn't find them anywhere. It was that way all summer.

The next summer, they were everywhere, but now they all had a tag or sticker attached, saying "Do not insert in rectum."

So there were no pool noodles for an entire summer, because some guy saw one, and couldn't resist the compulsion to stick it up his ass.

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[–] Una@europe.pub 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Can I put anal beads during chess tournament?

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[–] FartsWithAnAccent@fedia.io 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Where else am I supposed to store them?

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