I would only interact with this person on work related issues and keep all conversations to work related topics.
this post was submitted on 12 Aug 2025
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99% of the time if someone is telling you something like they nearly were suicidal over something you said and it feels really out of the blue like that they're just manipulating you.
This is a nasty nasty situation to be in. I'd talk with your superiors and be transparent about all this, including the outing with your fiance. They might try to twist it into something it wasn't.
Manipulator. And not even a masterful one.
This is easy. Stop being nice to them and stop cutting them slack. Do your work and ignore them. They'll sink their own ship here.
Seriously. This all sounds exhausting. It was probably a good move to loop in the manager. If it were me, I probably would have just stepped back from them and kept my distance, as I have little energy for drama, but taking a more proactive approach was probably smart.
But yeah, you OP did the smart thing, now the next smart thing is just step away from all of it. Keep some distance and let the manager/director sort it out.
This person sounds like trouble, always with an axe to grind, real or otherwise. What kind of person has a hissy fit because they didn't think you said enough nice things about them? Avoid like the plague.
They've played their hand and it's not on you anymore to be the mediator or nice guy.
Sorry, i also forgot to mention.
Since the incident the coworker has gone about things acting as though everything is fine. In fact, since the incident they have been working so much harder than they were previously.
The director noted this and advised me that, from their point of view, the coworker was trying to make it as though I'm the one with the issue with all of this and that I'm the difficult person. And in addition they are now having to work twice as hard so that they can't be performance managed.
This is a manipulative person, and you have not found your defense so far. You are defenseless (except some of the managers seem a little protective).
Avoid any communication with this person if possible. Be careful never to be dependent on them in any way.
Take good care for yourself at all times. When talking to others about this person, ask only for advice about what would be best for yourself, nothing else, no talking anymore about what they have said or done etc.
This is just another reason I don’t get too buddy buddy with coworkers. Especially having hang sessions outside of work.
I’m not in sales though so maybe the dynamic is different.
First, I would suggest establishing a clear line between work and social, the higher up you go, the less friends you have. It’s great that you tried to help them initially and now it looks like you’re getting fucked unfortunately. I would advise staying away from these people on a social level and continue to work together professionally, clear line of separation.
Since the company was lining to performance management them, then they must have not been performing. Unfortunately in the corporate world, people are happy to palm problems off to other departments. From what I’ve read, it has been 2 years since, and not knowing how long they have been in the company, making performance management and termination a tad more complicated.
You can’t get them fired for no reason, but you can report your conversation to HR and have this logged as inappropriate and troubling. In all reputable companies there’s a whistleblower system where you can anonymously report things on ethics, mismanagement, toxic behavior etc.
In sum, keep it professional and avoid social, if they are not performing, they’ll end up getting performance managed out soon enough.
I'd kick them in the groin and leave.