The Onion has been in rare form recently
this post was submitted on 16 Jun 2025
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Reality keeps raising the bar on how outlandish the story needs to be in order to clearly be satire.
This humor inflation is unsustainable.
Wait until the humor tariffs kick in…
I knew a bunch of people that were teachers, but left for tech jobs because the pay was twice as high and the work half as much. This is bad for society.
Quality education for children pays tremendous dividends for the future. Having another "we're AI on the blockchain" startup does not.
All this venture capitalism bullshit needs to go. Minimum wage needs to be way higher, and universal basic income would help, too.
Yup, buddy of mine managed to get his masters and a teaching certification while working in retail. Got a job teaching at a junior highschool and then ended up quitting after only two years. He took an entry level corporate IT help desk job and started off making more than twice as much as teaching with easily half the stress.
I knew a bunch of people [who] were teachers, but left for tech jobs..
I know someone who taught near San Fran at some posh high-paying private school for tech princes because her 4yr 🇨🇦 degree got her an excellent post.
Then she left, but not for tech. She met a guy and moved back to Sweden with him. She's been teaching 5th grade for 22 years now, and is set to retire as a .SE resident on full pension. Him too. They're young and their kids will almost be out of secondary school. They intend to do a LOT of rail travel.
I don't know why US teachers stay on the job. There is demand and opportunity and safety in much better environments where they do pay almost acceptably for the job.
I was talking to a friend of mine a while back who was interning with a state legislator. We got on the topic of bake sales for schools and my friend just about flipped his lid.
He went on a good 5 minute rant about how school budgets take these "bake sales" into account, with goals and measures. So in essence, bake sales allow for states to lower the amount of money they would normally get. (Let's ignore the fact that schools in affluent districts often have the time and resources to even have bake sales.)
No one wants to pay for schools. Schools don't win elections. Public safety does. You can still win an election if you don't fund a school but you won't win an election if you're "soft on crime".
Our entire system is fucked up.
Schools don’t win elections. Public safety does. You can still win an election if you don’t fund a school but you won’t win an election if you’re “soft on crime”.
Just to put a finer point on it, "public safety" is a dog-whistle for "jackbooted thuggery targeting minorities."
Public education alone would be the biggest factor at reducing crimes. But i guess you cant force children to work like you can with prisons.
System? Is that an euphemism for "voters"? Seems from your description that voters want money for police tanks, not school teachers. And then they end up having the day they voted for.
No I mean our electoral system. I'm not saying voters aren't at fault. They completely are.
But fear is a much more powerful motivator than hope or even the future. (Read: conservatives)
It's much easier to get people scared about some nameless boogyman who is going to invade your house than it is to get people excited about a future of rainbows and lollipops.
genuinely at what point do teachers just give up? it's not like they're able/allowed to teach kids important things in the US anymore anyways
fuck it, go out with a bang, teach the kids the horrors of capitalism and outright tell them to be socialists, then move to another state
Once they establish that rule ... they'll start working towards a system where they will require teachers to provide a salary as well as pay the school to do the job.
/s /sarcasm /iknowthisissarcasm /pleaseletthisbesarcasm
Can't even make fun of the American education system anymore, cause there is no such system left.
That’s what it feels like in Japan, too.
Welcome to university Mam. Bring your own salary, bring the salary of admin and caretakers, and if you are really good bring enough money that you don't have to teach.