this post was submitted on 15 Mar 2025
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I'm about to start my 12 week paternity leave next week thanks to a state program and almost everyone that I've told has had their jaws on the floor that I would even want to do that.

Today I witnessed a group of coworkers almost bragging how little time they took after their kids were born. I've heard stuff like "Most men are hard working and want to support their families so they don't take leave".

To me it was a no brainer, I'm getting ~85% of my normal pay and I get to take care of my wife, our son and our newborn for 3 whole months. and for someone who hasn't taken a day breathe in the past 3 years I think I deserve it.

I'm in the US so I know it's a "strange" concept, but people have seemed genuinely upset, people it doesn't affect at all. Again, it's a state program available to almost anyone who's worked in the past 2 years, I've talked to soon to be dads who scoffed at the idea and were happy to use a week of pto and that's it.

I feel like I'm missing something.

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[–] endlessvoid@lemmy.today 3 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

I was the first in my workplace to take paternity leave when it became law in my state. I didn't take it in one chunk, but used every single day I was entitled to. I got many similar comments as you from older guys, and I believe they came from a place of jealousy at worst and self-rationalization at best, since those people weren't afforded the same rights when they had kids.

Pay then no attention, the first few months as a dad to a new kid are some of the most important and precious moments you'll ever have, and if you miss them you will never ever get a do over. Take every second you can without an ounce of shame.

You may also find yourself setting an example, as I noticed none of the new Dads in my workplace after me had any reservations about taking their full leave, and I work in construction with some needlessly macho guys.

[–] zxqwas@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago

I don't intend to get kids but my coworkers have them once in a while.

I think you should have some. I don't think it should be a matter of pride to not take any.

[–] darthlink@lemm.ee 3 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

I just got back from effectively 17 weeks of paternity leave- my company provides 12 weeks (or they did last year when I started, it's now only 8), and then I had 5 weeks of PTO, sick time, and floating holidays.

Take all the time you have. Easily the best decision I've made for the past few years. Not only does it remove the "did I get enough sleep during the night" stress, but the time I spent with our new child was amazing.

I'm an software engineering lead for a team of 8, they did fine without me. The boat's still floating, as it were.

[–] Tattorack@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago

Yeah, it's a no brainier for me too. The whole "men don't take leave!" sounds awfully convenient for businesses. But providing for your significant other should be more than just providing money.

[–] datavoid@lemmy.ml 3 points 2 days ago

Clearly you're missing some huge hairy balls, what type of man takes time off work to be with their family!?

(/s if it wasn't obvious)

[–] Dashi@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago

My company does 16 weeks of fully paid paternity. I'm taking 9 weeks at the beginning and breaking up the rest over the year to help with this or that.

I am a little concerned as to what my job will look like when I get back especially with the political climate. But at the end of the day that isn't what is most inorganic to me. My family is.

I had both my kids before this existed. I would have killed to have 12 weeks paid off to be with my new family. Getting exactly zero days off when you are a new dad SUCKS.

[–] ComprehensiveCacus@lemm.ee 3 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

In Sweden, we have 16 months of parental that can be split between parents.

Nurses do house check-ups for the first few months and it's great for both parents to ask questions and get advice.

These guys who have the option but decline caring for thier family sound like shitty partners/dad's

[–] ILikeBoobies@lemmy.ca 3 points 2 days ago

Like mat leave I don’t really think about it, to me it’s just assumed

[–] TheDeadlySquid@lemm.ee 3 points 2 days ago

I think it’s an important time and should be available to any working American without exception. When my first child was born, I remember asking HR about paternity leave and their deadpan response was “how many vacation days do you have?” Disgusting.

[–] bitcrafter@programming.dev 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)

In my work environment (in the US), people have roughly this much paternity leave, and it is taken for granted that they will take it because this is viewed as important even if their absence during this time inconveniences the rest of us. They often split it up, though, instead of taking it in a single contiguous chunk.

[–] LH0ezVT@sh.itjust.works 3 points 2 days ago

Central Europe here, i have never seen someone question taking paternity leave. Sure, especially the managers might complain behind their backs about workload or scheduling, but nobody questioned the decision.

[–] Yerbouti@sh.itjust.works 3 points 2 days ago

Spending the first 2 month of my child's life with them was one of the best things in my life.

[–] Bubbaonthebeach@lemmy.ca 3 points 2 days ago

Enjoy your leave. You obviously have the sense to know that you are taking it for: your wife, your child and your mental health. You will give your family a better head start. Corporate won't notice. If they are going to fire you, they'll do it even if you had spent the time period working double overtime instead of being on leave.

[–] Spaniard@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

I worked during my mom's last months of life while taking care of her because the company allowed me to fully work from home, no question asked if I was available ok, if I wasn't ok too. And I brag about that. Otherwise I would have taken a sick leave to take care of my mom (which my country allows), but working gave me a good, I don't know how to say, sometimes when I had work and my mom didn't need me I didn't think about the situation and that was nice.

People should make use of their rights, although in my case I found a compromise that, in my opinion, benefited me; but this company gained my loyalty for the time being.

[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 3 points 1 day ago

You are missing better coworkers, or coworkers who haven't succumbed to the stupid idea that working yourself to the bone for someone else's profit is good.

"Men are hard working" my ass. Taking care of kids is hard work and if they can't understand that, their social conditioning worked exactly as expected.

[–] IMongoose@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

I had 8 weeks fully paid through use of accrued PTO. 8 weeks is about the minimum of paternity leave necessary to kind of get your life back into order imo. This isn't a vacation, it's taking full care of a little person that needs help every 2-3 hours. If both you and your partner work it would be impossible without leave just due to sleep depravation. Our first kid was (is still 4 years later) a terrible sleeper and the first few months were hell. Luckily our second is actually a better sleeper than the first right now and she's only 8 months old lol.

But yes, 12 weeks paternity is not a vacation, it is work. Plan for 12 weeks and if you think that you have everything sorted then great, go back. But daycare might be more than what you would make going back to full pay so just consider that too.

[–] stoy@lemmy.zip 3 points 1 day ago

My manager is on paternaty leave for half a year, it is normal here, he is a dad after all!

[–] Taalnazi@lemmy.world 2 points 13 hours ago* (last edited 13 hours ago)

Doing paternity leave is a good must and normal. Being an absent parent is not good.

Godspeed and congratulations with your child!

I'm fortunate to work at a place that offers some leave for paternity, but with the option of being "flexible" about it. I've seen most of my coworkers take off for 2-4 weeks (out of 6), then return to work half time or so once things start settling. Two have taken all 6 weeks, one for medical reasons (baby needed follow up), and one purely to spend more time with baby/wife.

I haven't needed paternity leave, so I don't know how much more money you get for returning to work early, but I think I'm inclined towards taking 3 weeks, then coming back to work unless there's something wrong. There's a bunch to admire about prioritizing your time bonding over money, and I don't want to take anything away from that - it's just not me.

[–] tuda224@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago (1 children)

You are absolutely right! 85% is nice money and especially in the first months it's super important to spend time with your new born and to support the mother.

And for all those fuckers who think that you "aren't working" in this time... Well, get a child and take care of it. It's way harder than you think. You will see, it's gonna be a hard but also rewarding time. My second daughter is now 3 months... And boy, to see everything that is happening within 3 months. It's unbelievable and makes me so happy.

You're on the right path.

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[–] kahdbrixk@feddit.org 2 points 2 days ago

Yeah probably as always only a matter of perspective. Don't listen to other men, just do what feels right for yourself.

I took a solid 9 months paternity leave with my son, and I think we just built the best base for a father son relationship I could ever imagine or hope to have. I know they don't seem like it as a baby, but you are building your foundation already.

This was 3 years ago and I still feel the outcome of it every day.

Go for it , be yourself, don't listen to others.

[–] fishy@lemmy.today 2 points 2 days ago

Don't feel bad. I'm a man in the USA working in a corporate office. When my son was born I took my time off and it was fantastic for bonding with my son and helping my wife out. Honestly IDK how so many women do it alone.

I'd feel worse about making my wife work extra hard than my colleagues... That said, the person covering my area screwed everything up so badly I decided it was better to find a new job vs fix it. So I took my three months, worked a week and put in my notice and got paid out for another two months of accrued leave.

[–] CheeseToastie@lazysoci.al 2 points 2 days ago

I was really close to my dad and I LOOOOVEEE that you're doing this. You're showing your child and the world that dad should take an equal share, especially post birth when mum is likely to need additional support. Your post is nothing short of inspirational!

[–] Korhaka@sopuli.xyz 2 points 1 day ago

I always thought it should be even between both parents, along with a staggered return to work at the end. So ideally you can have parents then working mostly alternate days for a few weeks before a full return to work. And the employer shouldn't be allowed to have any say in it because otherwise its inevitable that pressure is put on you not to take it.

[–] Surp@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

All countries should give one year of paternity leave. I do believe though there needs to be a cool down period of a year and a half because then you would have people that just have five in a row taking advantage.

[–] AA5B@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

there needs to be a cool down period

This seems like a solution in search of a problem. I’m sure Republicans will take it and run, like with “welfare queens, “anchor babies”, trans people in sports, etc, but is there even a point? How many women will there be willing to pump out baby after baby, just so the father doesn’t have to work? While I’m sure it’ll happen, I just don’t see it happening enough to worry about. Plus someone will gamigpfy it by timing things to the cooldown period: you can’t win but sometimes the edge cases are just edge cases

Or maybe, do you think this is a legit scenario? We have two kids. We intentionally had them close together to both simplify our lives and give them a “peer” to grow up with. Should I have been allowed paternity leave, or is two children close in age somehow a problem?

[–] Surp@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

First of all I'm left. I'm just trying to meet the people in the middle that would vote against this. That's the democrat's first problem as to why we got in this hot mess with these Republican jerks is that the loudest of y'all want the farthest left shit possible and it fucked us in the election because the Republicans used that against us. Open your eyes and realize Democrats are weak right now and only way back is meeting more in the middle to start.

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