I disagree with the glasses part as counterargument. Pizzas are sold by diameter in places that offer large and small - some even do medium. I also believe it would be nicer to have wider burgers instead of taller
this post was submitted on 19 May 2025
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Edit 2: Chicago-Style deep dish pizza isn't pizza go fuck yourself
Counterpoint - pizzas are sold by diameter, but pretty much everyone I know underestimates how diameter corresponds to actual pizza size and think a 16" pizza is twice as big as an 8" pizza instead of four times as big, which it actually is. Meanwhile, a burger patty that is twice as big as another one is actually twice as tall, while one that is wider is only about ~41% wider. Vertical dimension is more intuitive for the overall mass difference.
Just sell by patty weight.
Until you start selling a 1/3 lb burger to outcompete the 1/4 lb burger, but people are "4 is more than 3!" so your marketing fails...
Them later advertising it as 3/9ths is pretty funny though.
"The one on the right is better because the thingy is lifting it higher and the arrow is pointing to it!" -- idiots, probably
Could just switch to grams. Selling by fraction is the problem not by weight itself.
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But a third is less than a quarter!
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Who would even eat the taller pizza? I'd find it disgusting. I'm not saying anything about the burger.
You have just insulted everyone in Chicago.
I'll do it, Chicago has terrible taste in food. Deep dish is preposterous, Malort is an abomination, and despite how you feel about ketchup, relish should not look like the ooze that creates ninja turtles.
Deep dish is delicious. Lasagna is delicious. Baked ziti is delicious. Calzones are delicious.
Look, you can't go wrong with tomato sauce, cheese, dough, and optional meat. It's all delicious, and playing around with different ratios is still great.
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Thank you. A deep dish pizza isn't a pizza. It's, at best, a fucking stew.
It’s a fucking casserole.
I recorded this rant because I'm bored. I fuckin hate deep dish and NY style pizza.
I don't know what kind of culinary trauma Chicago is working through but their pizza isn't pizza, it's a STEW, or at best a stew with ambitions. It's a stew with a gluten lid. I need a ladle, not a fork. I have to displace sauce like I'm fording the fucking Oregon Trail just to find the crust. It's lasagna that forgot it was Italian. It's soup gaslit into thinking it can achieve something. You don't eat that shit you survive it. You don't chew it, you contemplate your entire life while shoveling it in and wondering how something with so much molten cheese could still feel emotionally cold.
I'm in agreement with Jon when it comes to Deep-Dish pizza and how it isn't a pizza but a tomato-laden crime scene in a cast-iron pan. But he comes in so hot and screaming like he's right about how real pizza folds. No. No Jon. I ain't ever going to trust a fucking dude from New Jersey when it comes to pizza. That's just New York opinions with worse parking. It's like if Staten Island got a podcast and decided it was a food critic. These are people who look at a strip mall and say "This is where I want my Italian food experience to begin." You ever seen a pizza joint from Jersey? Half of them double as laundromats or vape shops. They serve slices so thin you could laminate one and use it as a fucking bookmark. Their idea of crust is "whatever's left after sadness finishes baking." You pick up a slice and it'll collapse faster than their economy would if you banned tanning beds.
Fucking Jon motherfucking goddamn Stewart out here talking about how reall pizza fooooolds. Oh. Does it? DOES IT JON? Real pizza folds? My money folds (jiggle jiggle). My spine folds after sleeping the wrong way. My dreams fold under the pressure of existence. That doesn't make thme LUNCH. But of course he would love this goddamn monstrosity called 'New York Style Pizza'. You would too if you grew up being told that thin floppy bread covered in oily regret was pizza. It isn't pizza. It's barely a suggestion of pizza. It's whispering the concpet of mozzarella over a saltine while screaming about the Jets.
I love Jon. I really do but I wish he would stick to tearing down Fox News and republicans because when he says NY Pizza is the real deal all I hear is "I enjoy food that is as thin, undercooked and as lacking in substance as a conservative argument." Stay with eviscerating fascists and not defending pizza that looks like it needs an intervention and a fuckin' towel.
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For anyone who is not from Chicago, Malort is a bitter liquor that tastes like you poured anise through a filter of mud and used motor oil.
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Buns and patties would have to come in two different sizes for wide and regular burgers, and it’s probably more economical for restaurants to make them all in one standard size.
Actually worked in a fast food place, and we had three sizes iirc. Patties and Buns.
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The A&W thing is more about Americans sucking ass at math than the difference between a wider or taller burger.
They had a 1/3lb burger and dipshits thought the 1/4lb was bigger because they don't understand fractions.
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Nah. If you put two plates in front of me and one had a regular burger on it and the other had a burger that was as wide as the plate itself, I'd pick the one that most accurately reflects how much I hate myself at that moment.
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This is a dumb response. Wider is easier to fit in your mouth and doesnt fall apart. Taller is just a mess and challenge to eat
TLDR: it's not a volume issue, its a distribution
That is the point of the meme.
It's a reference to the third-pound burger, and how consumers thought 1/3 was less than 1/4.
Exactly. Where I used to work there was a greasy cafe type place around the corner and the baps got wider the more stuff you ordered. If you ordered the Full Monty the burger bap was wider than my head. MY HEAD.
You're damn right I would order it every time I went in. It was glorious...and very unhealthy, but also glorious.
A&W tried something like this. Sold a 1/3 pound burger because its bigger than the popular Quarter Pounder sold by its competition, larger than a Whopper even. It undersold and when people were asked why; it turns out people think 1/3 is less than 1/4. By the numbers, here.
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But wider = more taste surface. See smash burgers. Taller is just... more burger to toppings ratio. Diminishing returns, imo.
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Big burgers should just be two burgers
In my boyfriend's hometown they used to have this restaurant that served this thing called a hubcap burger
And it was indeed, wide enough to be the hubcap of a car, while being basically flat.
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I think wider is better so you don't have to unhinge your jaw like a snake to eat it.
I mean it worked for subway. Until they started skimping
Their success came from it being specifically longer. It's much harder to visualise a bigger surface area, like how a 10 inch pizza is bigger than two 7 inch pizzas. Subway on the other hand only stretches it in one axis, so the number goes up faster.
I don't want long burgers, although I don't know why. Big fan of the circle.
Roy's once had the bodacious bacon cheeseburger. It was pretty lit.
It was 1/3 of a pound and elongated.
The form factor is not bad it's like the original chicken sandwich from Burger King.
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It's not a comparison of size, it's just the formatting of the sandwich to fit better with the way the human jaw is made... What a dumb argument
AKA people are idiots.
Never forget that the 1/3 pounder failed because people were too dumb to realize that 1/3 is bigger than 1/4…
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It's true. I'm a bartender. When I serve a drink in a to-go cup I sometimes get people bitching "oh, that's all I get?" and then I passive aggressively demonstrate to them that it's the same as it would be in a pint glass but it's just shorter and wider.
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Food for thought: a sufficiently tall and narrow burger ain't a burger anymore, when it's roughly spherical rather than roughly cylindrical it's also not a burger and if it's large and brick-like it's yet something else.
spoiler
Cevapcici Kofta; Meatball; Meatloaf.
So burger is a geometrically bound dish definition.
Meatloaf and meatballs have things like egg and breadcrumbs mixed in, and don’t tend to come on buns.
People who put such things in their hamburger patties are eating meatloaf sandwiches, not hamburgers.
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Literally at my restaurant right now the burger with 3 smaller patties is more popular than the burger with 2 bigger patties. Same total amount of meat, just taller on a smaller bun...
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Thanks to pizza, even Americans are familiar with the concept of wide
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Nobody said it. So be it...
A regular size, ⅓lb burger is plenty for anybody. If it was unsatisfying, use better ingredients or stronger flavours.
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Burgers should neither be taller nor wider. Just give me two normal sized burgers.
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